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Evangelical Haggard Claims He Was Molested By Republican Congressman

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
43,558
15,784
Portland, OR
:D Link

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Evangelical leader Ted Haggard, who stepped down last week after confessing that he purchased methamphetamines and various services from a male prostitute, revealed Wednesday that he was repeatedly molested by an unnamed Republican congressman in the late 1990s. "We would communicate on the Internet and then meet in his Washington office to, I thought, discuss faith-based initiatives," said Haggard in a tearful admission in which he asked for the forgiveness of God and his congregation. "Before long, he had progressed from praying alongside me to having me sit on his lap at his desk, and then to touching me in my bathing-suit area. I trusted the congressman, and he violated that trust." Authorities have not acted on Haggard's allegations, saying that Republicans are often accused of wrongdoings simply because so many of them lead secret gay or criminal lifestyles.
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,150
1
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
This guy has to be messed up...what adult, not talking to their kid, references it as "the bathing suit area"....

And what he thought: "meet in his Washington office to, I thought, discuss faith-based initiatives"

...was correct...they just weren't what you'd call mainstream...(har!)
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,959
35
Took me a second on this one. Sometimes the Onion does not need to stretch too far to make the funny.
 

valve bouncer

Master Dildoist
Feb 11, 2002
7,843
114
Japan
This guy has to be messed up...what adult, not talking to their kid, references it as "the bathing suit area"....

And what he thought: "meet in his Washington office to, I thought, discuss faith-based initiatives"

...was correct...they just weren't what you'd call mainstream...(har!)
SS- you have been sauted. Wear this with pride. You ain't the first.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
43,558
15,784
Portland, OR
This was sent to me by a co-worker and also took me a minute. It's funny because it could be true without too many changes.