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Fail a drug test?

sanjuro

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,373
0
SF
I am going to take a drug test for a new job. My urine is not totally "pure" (I do ride mountain bikes), but I am pretty confident I can find a cleaning product in SF.

I was just curious to hear people's stories about failing (or beating) drug tests.
 
N8 v2.0

N8 v2.0

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Oct 18, 2002
11,003
149
The Cleft of Venus
sanjuro said:
I am going to take a drug test for a new job. My urine is not totally "pure" (I do ride mountain bikes), but I am pretty confident I can find a cleaning product in SF.

I was just curious to hear people's stories about failing (or beating) drug tests.
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If they take a hair sample (like they do here)... you are hosed.
 
Echo

Echo

crooked smile
Jul 10, 2002
11,819
15
Slacking at work
From what I know, 20 years ago you could use goldenseal or whatever to "clean" or "mask" but nowadays the testing is more accurate, the only sure-fire way to pass a test is to not torch the gonj for 30 days.
 
Crazy Sweeper

Crazy Sweeper

more COWBELL!
Jun 4, 2004
644
0
In a box
I've "heard" and know plenty of success stories about drinking large amounts of cranberry juice and just fluids in general, to flush your system. Just so you know, the majority of drugs are just about untraceable in your urine after 72 hours. Anything you might smoke, can be cleaned out with enough fluids and a lot of peeing. Another thing, make sure you don't pee straight into the cup, the first few ml of urine has the highest concentratioin of "impurities." Hope this helps.
 
binary visions

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
22,148
1,246
NC
the Inbred said:
what the **** does riding have to do with it?
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Tongue-in-cheek, guys. He was kidding - you know, weed is kind of prevelant in our sport, he participates in our sport, therefore he smokes weed.. Got it?

sanjuro, check your PMs.
 
Smelly

Smelly

Turbo Monkey
Jun 17, 2004
1,254
1
out yonder, round bout a hootinany
I know three people who have used those stupid drinks to try to pass a drug test, and all of them had to re-test because their piss was too watery. Just lay off the cheeba for a month, drink a lot of water and cranberry juice, get a bunch of exercise, and your system will be clean. If you can't stop smoking weed for a month in order to get a job, you have a problem that needs to be dealt with.
 
binary visions

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
22,148
1,246
NC
Curb Hucker said:
Have a clean friend piss in a plastic bag for you, put the bag in your pocket, go in for the test, pour their piss in the cup, hope the bag doesnt pop :blah:
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Um, most places do a temperature test for the urine too.
 
Westy

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
55,736
21,755
Sleazattle
binary visions said:
Um, most places do a temperature test for the urine too.
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Sometimes they will watch, at least from behind to make sure no shenanigans go on.

Just do what Soviet Olympians did to pass drug tests. Take a friends clean urine and backflush it up your wee wee into you bladder so you can actually piss clean urine. Just get really high when you do it and it won't seem that bad.
 
J

JRB

Guest
Uhm, I don't seem to have any issues not doing any drugs. It may seem high and mighty, but I view it as part of being a grown up.
 
TN

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,301
1,353
Jimtown, CO
I took a piss test for the Post Office & passed. All I did was quit smoking weed.
The details:
No one watched me pee.
I did nothing special (drink or pill wise) I just quit (for 1 month).

One word of advice...if your piss test is for the United States Postal Service...GO OUT & SMOKIE A DOOBIE NOW!!! That job was the worst job I have ever had & I still have nightmares!!
 
J

JRB

Guest
TN said:
One word of advice...if your piss test is for the United States Postal Service...GO OUT & SMOKIE A DOOBIE NOW!!! That job was the worst job I have ever had & I still have nightmares!!
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I think my mail man started back up as soon as he passed the test.
 
I Are Baboon

I Are Baboon

Vagina man
Aug 6, 2001
32,684
10,424
MTB New England
loco said:
I think my mail man started back up as soon as he passed the test.
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:stupid:

I think our mailman is stoned 90% of the time. That would explain the mail on the ground, attaching boxes to our mailbox with rubber bands instead of leaving them at the door, and his writing on our mail (I'm not kidding).
 
golgiaparatus

golgiaparatus

Out of my element
Aug 30, 2002
7,340
41
Deep in the Jungles of Oklahoma
If its a urine test there's only 1 sure method. Wake up the morning of the test and drink several liters of water... keep it up until your test. 1-2 hours before your test start popping multi vitamins to make you piss yellow.

By the time you get to your test you will be pissing every 10 minutes or so... keep drinking water.

WHen they test your urine you will get 1 of 2 results. They will say that there is too much water in your urine and thus you would have bought yourself some time to keep ckean for a week or so. Or they will pass you like they have domne me many times. This method is bullet proof... masking agents and "cleaners" are not.
 
riderx

riderx

Monkey
Aug 14, 2001
704
0
Fredrock
loco said:
Uhm, I don't seem to have any issues not doing any drugs. It may seem high and mighty, but I view it as part of being a grown up.
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:rolleyes:

You seem so adult from you posts on here. Guess everyone should follow your lead...
 
TN

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,301
1,353
Jimtown, CO
McGRP01 said:
TN, what did you do? I'm trying to get into the USPS now.
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Casual Clerk. I got there as the truck did @ 5 AM. (this was my freshman year @ college too :dead:) Then , we would roll these big cages out with supposedly sorted boxes of mail....they weren't & then I had to walk to every PO box & put the corresponding mail in the right box....all 20k + of them. :nuts:
no one followed any procedures & it made the job pure hell.

Plus you have to work with weirdos & most of them are crazy vets.

if you can handle the monotonous, never ending, workload, the strange postal employees, f'd up hours, & more....the benefits are great & the pay is nice too.

GOOD LUCK!
 
dh girlie

dh girlie

MISS MISSY (geek)
Feb 11, 2002
8,056
0
A state where you never find the dance floor empty
sanjuro said:
I am going to take a drug test for a new job. My urine is not totally "pure" (I do ride mountain bikes), but I am pretty confident I can find a cleaning product in SF.

I was just curious to hear people's stories about failing (or beating) drug tests.
Click to expand...
I have access to all our divisions confidential employee records, so I'm really familiar with what you can't do to try and pass a drug test. Our guys drive and they test for masking agents as well. Also, if you try to dilute your urine by drinking large amounts of liquid as someone suggested, they can detect that and ask you to take the test again. Happened to one of our guys recently, but it was because he didn't have to pee and drank a big huge bottle of water, and he came up clean the second time. BUT...these are the requirements of the California Highway Patrol drug testing, and if you're not testing because of a specific license, ie. Class A or B, then it may not be that in depth.

We got a call from our HR department saying that one of our guys was literally 'dead' by his urine sample. It wasn't at body temperature and they called him to take the test again and he pissed dirty...he's on administrative leave till we can get the paperwork to fire him together...

I have some stoner friends that subscribe to High Times and they were showing me this fake weiner and sack advertised in the magazine that will keep the clean piss you get from a clean person circulating at body temperature...at test time you pull it out of your pants like you would your own and 'pee' in the cup by pressing a button. It was called the Whizinator...I am not kidding...thing is...you'll have two sets of balls and two weens in your pants on test day. But you could always do the Jame Gumb from Silence of the Lambs tuck and hide...HAHAHA!
 
McGRP01

McGRP01

beer and bikes
Feb 6, 2003
7,793
0
Portland, OR
dh girlie said:
they were showing me this fake weiner and sack advertised in the magazine that will keep the clean piss you get from a clean person circulating at body temperature...at test time you pull it out of your pants like you would your own and 'pee' in the cup by pressing a button. It was called the Whizinator...I am not kidding...thing is...you'll have two sets of balls and two weens in your pants on test day.
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That's the Whizzinator!! See my post above!! :D
 
J

JRB

Guest
riderx said:
:rolleyes:

You seem so adult from you posts on here. Guess everyone should follow your lead...
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You can count on me NOT losing or missing a job oppurtunity from a drug test. :think:
 
tartosuc

tartosuc

Monkey
Feb 9, 2004
202
0
montreal
golgiaparatus said:
If its a urine test there's only 1 sure method. Wake up the morning of the test and drink several liters of water... keep it up until your test. 1-2 hours before your test start popping multi vitamins to make you piss yellow.
By the time you get to your test you will be pissing every 10 minutes or so... keep drinking water.

WHen they test your urine you will get 1 of 2 results. They will say that there is too much water in your urine and thus you would have bought yourself some time to keep ckean for a week or so. Or they will pass you like they have domne me many times. This method is bullet proof... masking agents and "cleaners" are not.
Click to expand...
another way tyo have the same result is to drink orange juice, a lot of it!...I used that methode a few times, and it worked for me
 
shocktower

shocktower

Monkey
Sep 7, 2001
622
0
Molalla Oregon
stinky six said:
Hey dumbass, you don't deserve to have a job.
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Thank you so much ,and for the pot head ,which I have know and would I like to hang with one ,as a riding Bud :nope: :nope: :nope: :nope: ,I just wish the would legalize the crap so all the losers could get important jobs :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :nuts:
 
TN

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,301
1,353
Jimtown, CO
shocktower said:
Thank you so much ,and for the pot head ,which I have know and would I like to hang with one ,as a riding Bud :nope: :nope: :nope: :nope: ,I just wish the would legalize the crap so all the losers could get important jobs :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :nuts:
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after reading that, I feel like I just smoked a blunt of NYCD with a gram of fine isolator. :think:
 
M

Mad Dog

Chimp
Feb 23, 2005
60
0
Los Angeles, CA
Just took a test yesterday. I had to empty my pockets and wash my hands before I went in to pee. I dont know if they were watching but there was a big mirror in the room and no sink. The toilet had some kind of blue stuff in it to catch any concealer and I was told not to flush. If they were watching I gave them a good show! I had to pee like a racehorse and it foamed up good. I smiled and winked at the mirror. They put the pee in a sealed container and off it went to someone's lame job of testing it.
I have passed every test I've ever been given and all I do is drink tons of water, coffee, and pop a vitamin (I do that everyday anyway)
The whizzinator doesn't work-some actor just got popped using one and he's going to prison for a few years. Good Luck!
 
B

bushwacker

Monkey
Aug 21, 2003
224
0
Norcal :/
I know someone who works at Boeing, on an actual plane assembly line, and he has passed 20+ years of drug tests by using the flushing tea stuff.

Makes you want to go fly doesn't it?
 
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