Fema on Ice


Turbo Monkey
Feb 23, 2004
stinkyboy said:


Dear God, did anyone read the fantasy messages on that site?!


Mother of God...


I strapped on my wizard’s hat and robe‚ and walked into the arena. There‚ my trusty Nakmachine was waiting for me‚ shiny and clean. I jumped into the mechanical spider and readied myself for what was going to be the biggest match of my life. I NakNakNakNakNak’d out to the map‚ which had revealed itself to be Nirvana‚ B–side. I thought to myself‚ "This is going to be a piece of cake‚ being a Nak‚" and my starting position was on the second tier from the top. It was then that I saw my opponent‚ username "TnyaHrdng6969‚" in her glistening Raonlauncher mech. I could see her avatar‚ as well; she donned a Girl’s Swimsuit along with a Rusted Rake. "I see her strategy already‚" I thought to myself‚ as I prepared to launch glowing yellow goodness from the rectum of my machine.

My first shot‚ a bright glob of yellow‚ nails TnyaHrdng6969 in the face‚ which I’m sure she was no stranger to. My delay was +700‚ and she shot off her mines. They landed around me‚ moving slowly after every turn. I looked up‚ knowing full well she was a Raonlauncher master. Then something very strange happened.

I saw TnyaHrdng6969’s mech start to vibrate‚ and then it exploded! She ripped a hole in time and space with her earth–shattering blow‚ and pieces of the map begin to fly into TnyaHrdng6969’s dark abyss. I hung on to a rock for dear life‚ and watched as my mech broke away from my legs’ grip and flew into the tear along with rocks‚ trees‚ people‚ Nancy Kerrigan‚ cows… it was a disaster. I knew what I had to do.

"H4X!!111oneone" I screamed‚ as I rushed to the "Option" button and clicked it. I hit "Surrender" and lost the match‚ and quickly emailed the mods. "I foudn a h4x0rz!11" the email read‚ and within a week‚ TnyaHrdng6969’s account was no more.

I will never forget that fateful day in GunBound‚ and I am a better person because of it. Tonya Harding‚ you are a h4xing \/\/h00r.