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Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by DirtyMike, Sep 18, 2010.

  1. DirtyMike

    DirtyMike Turbo Fluffer

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    Ive been going through alot of **** this last year and a half. Injuries, debt, trouble at home at work you name it.

    Well seems as one always gets figured out, something else goes wrong. Problem is that its the always at home that goes wrong.

    Im done. I give up. Ive tried and tried and tried. I am done taking the blame for everything that is wrong, I am done being told that everything for our lives is all my responsiblity, that includes finances, decisions, jobs, school, adoption, when and how much bills are paid, making plans, ETC ETC..... Im done not being able to say I just dont have any more time available and not being allowed to simply ask for help one week to pick up after the dogs.. Im done being expected to sit at home on the off chance I will be asked/allowed to spend time with her.............


    At this point it is all her decision. Be it we try, get counciling... I will put every ounce of effort possible, be it we seperate and see whats out there, fine, be it its just time to go new directions...... Fine. She gets to decide, and I will respect whichever decision she makes.

    We came to this corner tonight. We talked for a very long time about it, and we actually were able to hear each other without fighting. We decided it will be very civil, she will finish school first if thats the way we go, She will get work in order and a place before if needed. We decided We will sell the house and she can take anything we may get...<I have options, she doesnt>


    Bottom line is........ and I mean this with all absolute seriousness.... I just want her to find someway to beat her depression, resolve the true underlying problems, and find someway somehow to be able to know that all the bad things from her life before we were married are just that.. a part of, not what controlls it, I want her to be able to see something that is good, I want to see her smile. If that means I have to let her go..... so be it, that will be how it goes.

    I will always love her dearly, and I will always have a place in my heart for her.

    Make no mistake, Untill its totally final, I will do everything I can to be there, to try to make it work, to do what I need to do to show her life is better together..... But I have been very clear that once its final.... its final. Call me from time to time to check on me, let me know how your doing......... But thats it... No seconds chances once its one with.





    Ok, Im good for now..... this was relieving to write this down.


    Wish me luck overall


    Im gonna take one of these and get some sleep

     
    #1 -   Sep 18, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2010

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  2. north20

    north20 Chimp

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    Best of luck, man. With all of it.
     
  3. Damo

    Damo Short One Marshmallow

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    As much as all this sucks and is super hard for you, try and think of life without a drepressed dependant.

    You aren't the one to blame for her misery, she is. At least you have a second chance at happiness after a split.

    I admire your commitment though and hope things work out for the two of you.
     
  4. sanjuro

    sanjuro Tube Smuggler

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    Boy that sucks.
     
  5. Kevin

    Kevin Turbo Monkey

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    Dont try to be what youre supposed to be or what people expect you to be.
    Be yourself, do what you want and things will work out for you.
    Your happiness does not depend on someone else...

    Good luck finding the right way to do this.
     
  6. lovebunny

    lovebunny can i lick your balls?

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    Damn dirty! Move an hour south and change scenery . If you need anything man you got my number. Just gimme a call
     
  7. dhmike

    dhmike Turbo Monkey

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    i hope for the best for you and heather . i commend your approach to the situation and if you ever need a place to crash i've got a couch and cold sam adams in the fridge .
     
  8. versusblitz03

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    When I went off to college Me and my significant other were having similar issues. I was always told to just go with what you think is best. I hold true to that today. I felt it was best to stay with her. she was extremely upset for a while and was having all sorts of issues with home, school, work, and other personal problems but I felt in my heart that with away that things will change for the better. And they did. I love her with all my heart. What im trying to get at is whether it is good times or bad times go with what you feel is right. Sometimes its worth taking a gamble at life but there are times you should be safe too. Its up to you. If you know its not gonna change then dont put up with it but if you really feel it is gonna get better or change or make you two closer, then stick with it.
     
  9. stevew

    stevew unique white person

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    vagina is the devils work.

    drives men crazy.
     
  10. I Are Baboon

    I Are Baboon Run, Forrest, Run!

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    Best of luck, Mike.

    I hear a move to Phoenix works wonders. :monkey:
     
  11. DirtyMike

    DirtyMike Turbo Fluffer

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    Thanks Teej.... But I actually dont have your number.... I always get you here or FB



    I might just take you up on that beer offer!!!



    I left the last SO back in college back when I caught her effing three of my neighbors while I was gone all week for school and work<12 hour work, 6 hour school five days a week>. Best decision I ever made.

    Overall, Yeah itll be sad for me, but at this point it honestly wont be a hard move. If that is what she needs then that is what it is. We started mapping oiut some of the plans last night. All I can say is that we decided to keep it very civil, and keep it out of the courts. She knows if we hit the courts itll absolutly ruin me financially, so part of it is that we will hold off long enough to make sure she is situated and ready to go.

    Its a huge gamble, if she decides that is what she wants..... then thats it, if she wants to work, then I work. Bottom line is, even if she cant find a way to be happy forever, or she has to work at it all the time.... I will stand by her. But what she is doing now isnt going to work, because she doesnt do anything aside from try to figure out by herself why she is how she is, and why she acts how she acts.
     
  12. versusblitz03

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    What ever will make you both happy. Depression is tough but it is beatable. Like my best friend said to me "If you can fight through this then you two are meant for eachother." If its meant to happen then itll happen, i truly believe in that
     
  13. Mr Jones

    Mr Jones Turbo Monkey

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    Hope it works out bro. My mominlaw is clinically depressed. I sure hope it doesn't run in the family. It's a tough thing to deal with. When she's off her meds, I really have a hard time dealing with the self imposed alienation and the fits when she gets frustrated because she has no idea why she feels depressed.

    Is she on any medication? Has she sought help at all?
     
  14. loco-gringo

    loco-gringo Crusading Clamp Monkey

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    :( Sorry Mike.
     
  15. Leppah

    Leppah Turbo Monkey

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    That sucks. I've been through a divorce that we settled pretty similar to the way you're doing yours. Me and my ex just figured all of the possessions out on paper and made up a contract that we both signed. That way we wouldn't have to go to court for it other than paying for the divorce. I didn't get much. I ended up getting my minivan, my old bed, my bikes, my clothes, and my two dogs (boxers). It's a tough thing to go through. It's hard. No matter what happened or why it did, you just feel like a failure in a way. Keep your head up. It'll be pretty hard and you'll play some head games with yourself. "what if I did this? What if I did that? Why didn't I do that, or this?" Just don't think like that. You will, but don't let it get to you. I went through my divorce by myself. I didn't want to talk to anybody about it. I didn't want to bug anybody with my sad days. I just spent time with my dogs, cryin here and there. It gets better though. It was tough to go through, but it was a chance at a new beginning to something better where I was happy again. Good luck to you man. It'll be pretty tough. PM me if you want to chat. I can just give you an idea on how things can be sometimes since i've been down that road.
     
  16. DirtyMike

    DirtyMike Turbo Fluffer

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    Been there.... not going back........... I dislike phoenix other than maybe a quickie stop. Lived there before, dont want to do it again
     
  17. DirtyMike

    DirtyMike Turbo Fluffer

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    First round of counselling... two weeks from today... we will see my friends


    I WILL NOT SELL MY BIKE.....
     
  18. -dustin

    -dustin boring

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    Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds as though she's been making the decisions already.

    You sing a familiar tune, only we weren't married. We had been dating for 7yrs, had a house, 2 dogs, 2 cats. Everything in the house we had bought together.

    **** that ****. I took 1 pot, a set of knives, my clothes, 2 bikes and said "peace."

    I'm in a much better place w/o the added bull**** that I was dealing with.

    She went to counseling. The counselor told her there was still hope. I told the counselor I had to leave.

    I went to work. I rode my bike on a weekday, which I hadn't done w/o guilt being placed on me in a long time. I didn't do **** on a Sunday, which I hadn't done in a year because we always had to go visit her parents on Sunday. And if I didn't go, we'd fight. Nasty fights. I went and saw my mom for the first time in 4yrs w/o guilt being placed on me.

    Is your girl an accountant?

    Ex has a new job, works much better hours, is paid more, isn't stressed like she was, and is running again. Too bad it took the destruction of our relationship for her to open her eyes.
     
  19. Rip

    Rip Mr. Excitement

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    Sorry to hear Mike.

    Be strong.
     
  20. Arkayne

    Arkayne I come bearing GIFs

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  21. DirtMcGirk

    DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

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    From John McCain and I...

     
  22. Prettym1k3

    Prettym1k3 Turbo Monkey

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    Been there in a serious relationship with someone who suffers from depression (and bi-polar disorder, and anxiety, and suicidal tendencies). It's not your fault. Not even a little bit. They have issues that are beyond what anyone who isn't a licensed psychologist (or psychiatrist) can help with. All you can do it wait it out if you choose to do so.
     
  23. DirtMcGirk

    DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

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    My ex had a lot of the same issues. Everything from family issues (every visit home had to include visiting six sets of family, all of whom hated one another, but would go so far as to call her a "prostitute" if we stayed at my family's home), to suicidal ideation and attempts, to depression from life, work, and the Navy. Then add to that the fact that due to her position in the Navy she couldn't speak to anyone for for fear of reprisal or loss of license.

    And in the end, it drove me nuts. I went from once upon a time* being a pretty nice guy to someone who just wanted to fight everyone all the time. I'd get into rips with people in her command, people in bars, whomever I could get my hands to just to try to deal with all of what was coming off of her.

    When she finally deployed I read her journals. Every page filled with such sadness, such remorse. I knew that we couldn't stay together, we'd end up killing each other or killing ourselves.

    I loved and still do love my ex. She was a great, great woman, but she had a lot of problems. Two years almost down the road, and I think my life is a lot better. I finally was able to work on me, as opposed to always having to cover her ass, clean her up, and try to keep her upright.

    I wasn't right in the head either, I think we all know that. 13 years of dealing with all of it, from her mommy "prescribing" her anti-depressants that almost had her top her self, to dealing with a beautiful, busty woman with no sense of situational awareness, to my own ghosts, I was all messed up. But being on my own, and not having to do daily triage, has actually given me the space to get my head right. I don't drink anything like I used to, I haven't been in a scrap in a year, and my life, with its problems, is mine.

    So its gonna suck. Divorce is as much fun as getting your scrod caught in the garbage disposal. But, with pain comes healing, and with healing comes a new day. You'll know deep down in the places we joke about, maybe the cockles, maybe the sub-cockles, if its worth fighting for. Listen to that, its your best friend.
     
  24. golgiaparatus

    golgiaparatus Out of my element

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    Just keep telling yourself... you are not responsible for her happiness, she is. You only live once, don't let her ruin it.