I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
me your damn chain letters over the past five years. Thank you for
making me feel safe, secure, blessed and wealthy. Because of your
concern.........
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no
longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer
drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces
and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get
pricked with a needle infected with aids.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub of ice.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special email program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!
I'll now return the favor: If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least
1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap
on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow afternoon. I know this will occur
because it happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.
me your damn chain letters over the past five years. Thank you for
making me feel safe, secure, blessed and wealthy. Because of your
concern.........
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no
longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer
drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces
and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get
pricked with a needle infected with aids.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub of ice.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special email program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!
I'll now return the favor: If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least
1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap
on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow afternoon. I know this will occur
because it happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.
