My wife sent me this... I dedicate it to Rhino...(apologies if this has been posted before....)
FOUR ALL WHO REED AND RIGHT
>
> We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
> but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
> One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
> yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
> You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
> yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
>
> If the plural of man is always called men,
> why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
> If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
> and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
> If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
> why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
>
> Then one may be that, and three would be those,
> yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
> and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
> We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
> but though we say mother, we never say methren.
>
> Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
> but imagine the feminine as being she, shis, and shim.
>
> There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
> pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
>
> We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
> that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
> pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>
> And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
> groce, and hammers don't ham?
>
> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but cannot make one
> amend?
>
> If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of
> them, what do you call it -- one odd and one end?
>
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
>
> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
>
> Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
> committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
>
> In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a
> recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and
> feet that smell?
>
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
> and a wise guy are opposites?
>
> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
> house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
> filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
>
> If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?
>
> Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
FOUR ALL WHO REED AND RIGHT
>
> We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
> but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
> One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
> yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
> You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
> yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
>
> If the plural of man is always called men,
> why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
> If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
> and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
> If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
> why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
>
> Then one may be that, and three would be those,
> yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
> and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
> We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
> but though we say mother, we never say methren.
>
> Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
> but imagine the feminine as being she, shis, and shim.
>
> There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
> pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
>
> We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
> that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
> pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>
> And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
> groce, and hammers don't ham?
>
> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but cannot make one
> amend?
>
> If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of
> them, what do you call it -- one odd and one end?
>
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
>
> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
>
> Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
> committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
>
> In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a
> recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and
> feet that smell?
>
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
> and a wise guy are opposites?
>
> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
> house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
> filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
>
> If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?
>
> Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
