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Funny diving story

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
67,295
13,865
In a van.... down by the river
The next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is a E-mail he sent to
his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue: Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This 20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job "
 

Skookum

bikey's is cool
Jul 26, 2002
10,184
0
in a bear cave
the lead in to the story makes it seem like a trumped up creation, which kind of killed it for me, but i like the idea. Does anyone know where i can rent a wet suit?
 

partsbara

Turbo Monkey
Nov 16, 2001
3,995
0
getting Xtreme !
hahhaha.. i ve got a pretty good story that can relate to this blokes unfortunate experience

in australia back in my day (80s') we used to take swimming lessons at the beach... the beach at my home town was a little too exposed and swell often made it less than ideal for swimming... lessons were held down the road about 30km where a bay begins to open up and provide shelter from the swell... unfortunately small 'stingers' about 2" - 6" long harbour there as well... when they hit you they drag their 4 tentacles across its fairly painful as you can imagine...

at this time i was about 12 years old and was a confident swimmer... i was about 100 metres offshore swimming 'laps' when the bastid struck... i felt a sting in my boardshorts... this pain began to intensify and i immediately headed into shore... i informed my mother who was waiting on the beach that i d been hit by a stinger 'down there'... we went back to the car to inspect the damage.. the head of the old fella had been hit, and hit badly... it was red and the tentacle 'drags' of the stinger were obvious... i got out of my boardies and wrapped a towel around my waist... off to the doctor... well it was a painful 25 minute drive and we arrive with no time to spare... when we arrived at the doctors i was seen immediately due to the nature of my problem :) the doctor asked me to show him the effected area and when i dropped the towel this mutant monster flopped out... it had swollen to about 5 times its normal size... there i stood, a 12 year old boy with his willy hanging out... but it was a willy that would have done a porn star proud...

when i think about it now its a great laugh, but at the time i was pretty horrified...

good thing is that it never returned to normal... leaving me the genetic mutant you see today :)
 

Skookum

bikey's is cool
Jul 26, 2002
10,184
0
in a bear cave
partsbara said:
....................

good thing is that it never returned to normal... leaving me the genetic mutant you see today :)
haha sounds like an interesting alternative to the Swedish Pump..... :D
 

partsbara

Turbo Monkey
Nov 16, 2001
3,995
0
getting Xtreme !
Skookum said:
haha sounds like an interesting alternative to the Swedish Pump..... :D
yeah, well you have SPIDER MAN... bitten my a spider, has amazing powers etc

then theres me... stung by a stinger on the donger, donger grows to horse like proportions... DONGER MAN !!! :)
 

Lefty

Turbo Monkey
Jun 14, 2003
1,126
0
Megan calls me a babe.
partsbara said:
hahhaha.. i ve got a pretty good story that can relate to this blokes unfortunate experience.........



good thing is that it never returned to normal... leaving me the genetic mutant you see today :)

hsahah omg dude this is a really juicy story.. i think this saying aplies to you.. " are your balls big enough dude " :D
 

partsbara

Turbo Monkey
Nov 16, 2001
3,995
0
getting Xtreme !
Lefty said:
hsahah omg dude this is a really juicy story.. i think this saying aplies to you.. " are your balls big enough dude " :D
my balls didn t swell mate, just my shank...

had a hammer like a fricken carpenter i ll tell ya