[luelling]

Bit of a personal post.....the girl I'm going to marry has what I consider an odd family. I come from an extremely traditional family (both parents together for over 30 yrs. rest of the family really conservative).

We are getting married in Sept. and I'm a bit afraid of how things are going to go down between the families. I have a conservative family and her family is mostly gay, including her mom, grandma, and brother....there are also some other members. I almost feel like shes the only one that came out straight.

My fear is that there will be conflict at our wedding with the members of her family and mine. My family is religous for the most part (although I would never attend church). Any suggestions or help? I want things to run smoothly. my girl acknowldeges that this might be a problem...I'm looking for some help on a way to make the wedding as peaceful as possible.

 

[Bicyclist]

Well, the most obvious thing I could think of, assuming you still want to marry this girl, is to talk to your parents about their family and get them warmed up about the idea of a non-conventional family. If they get used to the idea it won't be a shock on wedding day.

Another idea would for them to meet beforehand so again, it's not such a shock.

Good luck!

 

[luelling]

I guess I should elaborate more....our parents have met and they both know a lot about each other. my big concern is extended family. I guess I need to talk to my parents about how well they have preapred them for this. It doesn't help that my girls gay brother is completely flaming and inappropriate. If you ask me he gives gay people a bad name.

 

[Bicyclist]

Hrm, I guess there's not much you could do then. I guess just ask your parents to accept their extended family.

 

[Dartman]

Watch the movie "The Bird Cage". That should sort it all out.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

It's not something you can control. Let the people meet each other and establish their own relationships. You don't have to manage it.

 

[JRB]

Come on John. That was great idea. How can you make fun of gay people if you or your kin are wearing ***less chaps up in the front of the santuary??? It's levelling the playing field.

There were quiet a few gay people at my wedding, besides me. It worked out fine. Only one person was offended and she claims the preacher caused it. She pretty much a bleeding heart, so I think it's a self constructed offense, but it's there and she didn't go to Caroline's baptism because of it.

Joking aside - it will be fine bro.

 

[The Toninator]

Ask for money and elope.

This is self imposed stress you need to release.

 

[stosh]

Funny I'm in a similar situation though maybe not as drastic.

I have a gay uncle and my fiancee's uncles are big tough men so we have some concerns about how they will react if they find out. It's not a big deal but we too have some concerns so I understand your feeling.

 

[jimmydean]

I have never understood why people stress over weddings. It's supposed to be about you and your bride to be. It shouldn't matter who is in the crowd at all. Nobody should be there that YOU don't want to be there.

So if the people YOU want to be there have an issue with someone else YOU want to be there, too damn bad. That's just me though, and I get along with most anyone.

Good luck and congrats on the big day.

 

[robdamanii]

I have never understood why people stress over weddings. It's supposed to be about you and your bride to be. It shouldn't matter who is in the crowd at all. Nobody should be there that YOU don't want to be there.

So if the people YOU want to be there have an issue with someone else YOU want to be there, too damn bad. That's just me though, and I get along with most anyone.

Good luck and congrats on the big day.

Ding ding ding. We have a winner.

If they (all parties involved) really care about you and your bride-to-be, they will put aside any quarrels or disagreements and be there for YOU. If they can't do that, then they have some serious issues extending beyond disliking certain people.

 

[Broken_Spoke]

another thing that you need to remeber is that as your family is religious I'm asuming that they are Christian. As Christians they are called by Christ to love others and accept them. It wouldn't be a bad idea to remind them of that.

 

[dirtydirtysouf]

I'm looking for some help on a way to make the wedding as peaceful as possible.

remember its YOUR wedding, not thiers................if anyone (even dear ol'mom and dad) start acting out of place and being rude, ask them to leave, this is your future wife and yours special day..........

and good luck with the marrage

 

[geargrrl]

Can you just tell all parties concerned what's up, that you expect good behaviour, and if they can't control themselves they aren't welcome?

my mom and dad are ( were, passed away) gay.

geargrrl

 

[LordOpie]

ask the best man and woman to manage the situation.

Have them scripted for when ANY situation comes up, whisper something like, "This wedding is about them, you will NOT ruin this for them." Then walk away.

And then put it completely out of your thoughts.

 

[cannondalejunky]

Watch the movie "The Bird Cage". That should sort it all out.

 

[MisterClean]

Bit of a personal post.....the girl I'm going to marry has what I consider an odd family. I come from an extremely traditional family (both parents together for over 30 yrs. rest of the family really conservative).

We are getting married in Sept. and I'm a bit afraid of how things are going to go down between the families. I have a conservative family and her family is mostly gay, including her mom, grandma, and brother....there are also some other members. I almost feel like shes the only one that came out straight.

My fear is that there will be conflict at our wedding with the members of her family and mine. My family is religous for the most part (although I would never attend church). Any suggestions or help? I want things to run smoothly. my girl acknowldeges that this might be a problem...I'm looking for some help on a way to make the wedding as peaceful as possible.

Have your ultra-conservative family play their old albums for a few days prior:

 

[MisterClean]

I have a gay uncle and my fiancee's uncles are big tough men

So, just have your uncle pretend they are the construction worker from the Village People. That should put him at ease.

 

[fuzzynutz]

Drink. A lot.

 

[Chunky Munkey]

Okay two sides of the coin... but here's what my mother told me and let's face it, your parents say things because they've been there. When you marry, you are marrying the family, not the girl. So if you have a problem with it, don't do it.

Secondly, have you ever thought from such an unorthodoxed family may come the genes with your OWN children FROM HER being that from a family of so many gay and lesbian people. Are you prepared to deal with a homosexual son who will not carry on your bloodline name or a lesbian daughter?

I have a gay in my family on a first cousin side. There's nothing wrong with it other than god and my opinion but it's HIS life, not mine. What he choses to do with it is HIS business and far be it from me to tell him how to live. I have told him to his face, I do NOT condone it but I accept it. His boy friend is a GREAT guy! I really like the guy. My cousin is the more flamboyant IN YOUR FACE, "Hey don't anybody forget I'm a fag" kind of guy and his gay boy friend is REALLY cool as you'd not only never know it, but he's a real laid back guy that doesn't wear it on his sleeve looking for acceptance like my cousin is.

So look at it that way. There's nothing wrong with it but are you prepared to deal with her family? Are you still young enough that if not do you feel you have time to meet another that will be just as fun to be with? Because when you marry, you DO marry the family. You will be over there a lot for picknicks get together parties etc.

How will YOUR family feel when they show up over YOUR family's house for a get together and they bring their homosexual mates? Are you alright with that? Do you want to bring that element to your family and will they accept it?

You got a lot of issues there to deal with. God says it's wrong but at the same time God says it's wrong to judge other people. So it's YOUR call.

But first things, get a pre nup. Any man today that doesn't is crazy. He'll even Tom Cruise got one. So be smart.

Will you be able to deal with homosexual son or daughters? Your call dude. But it's one that is going to be with you the rest of your life if you DO marry her knowing going in.

I'd back out. But that's just me. One in the family, okay... but three? I'd be outta there like burning rubber. Too much odds favorite for the other side.

Talk it over with your family. And tell them to down right honest whether they know it might upset you about your girl. Family comes first. They'll always be there for you. Wives... as you can see by the latest poll, don't. A lot leave. So think it through before you commit.

 

[SkaredShtles]

I have never understood why people stress over weddings. It's supposed to be about you and your bride to be. It shouldn't matter who is in the crowd at all. Nobody should be there that YOU don't want to be there.

Besides, on the big day you won't notice *anything* else that other people are doing. It really is all about you and the wife-to-be. Don't sweat it.

<snip> As Christians they are called by Christ to love others and except them.

For some reason I find this *really* amusing.

<snip>

and good luck with the marrage

I can't believe you spelled mirage wrong.

Okay two sides of the coin... but here's what my mother told me and let's face it, your parents say things because they've been there. When you marry, you are marrying the family, not the girl. So if you have a problem with it, don't do it.

WTF?

I didn't.

Okay two sides of the coin... but here's what my mother told me and let's face it, your parents say things because they've been there. When you marry, you are marrying the family, not the girl. So if you have a problem with it, don't do it.

WTF?

I didn't.

But first things, get a pre nup. Any man today that doesn't is crazy. He'll even Tom Cruise got one. So be smart.

You're *not* serious, are you?

 

[TreeSaw]

It's not something you can control. Let the people meet each other and establish their own relationships. You don't have to manage it.

I agree. I have gay relatives (2 gay uncles--one on each side of my family) and my husband's family is quite conservative...they have gotten along fine. Don't worry too much about it!

Edit: One of my uncles is quite flambouyant and the other one is obviously gay, but isn't quite as feminine.

 

[BurlyShirley]

If the mom and grandma are gay, how did they manage to have kids?

 

[geargrrl]

If the mom and grandma are gay, how did they manage to have kids?

If it's anything like my parents, they either lied about,denied, or changed their orientation for part of their life.

Famous quote from my closeted gay dad, "there are no other women".

gg

 

[Skookum]

Should make for a gay wedding.

Ba da ba ching!

i don't think you should be worried about the wedding, it's the reception that could get crazy. And if i were you i'd get all the seriousness done with the wedding and then just have fun at the reception. If things get stupid from your families then laugh at them, out loud in front of everyone. If they don't give you a really cool gift then don't invite them to any future parties/events.

 

[elRey]

Okay two sides of the coin... but here's what my mother told me and let's face it, your parents say things because they've been there. When you marry, you are marrying the family, not the girl. So if you have a problem with it, don't do it.

Secondly, have you ever thought from such an unorthodoxed family may come the genes with your OWN children FROM HER being that from a family of so many gay and lesbian people. Are you prepared to deal with a homosexual son who will not carry on your bloodline name or a lesbian daughter?

I have a gay in my family on a first cousin side. There's nothing wrong with it other than god and my opinion but it's HIS life, not mine. What he choses to do with it is HIS business and far be it from me to tell him how to live. I have told him to his face, I do NOT condone it but I accept it. His boy friend is a GREAT guy! I really like the guy. My cousin is the more flamboyant IN YOUR FACE, "Hey don't anybody forget I'm a fag" kind of guy and his gay boy friend is REALLY cool as you'd not only never know it, but he's a real laid back guy that doesn't wear it on his sleeve looking for acceptance like my cousin is.

So look at it that way. There's nothing wrong with it but are you prepared to deal with her family? Are you still young enough that if not do you feel you have time to meet another that will be just as fun to be with? Because when you marry, you DO marry the family. You will be over there a lot for picknicks get together parties etc.

How will YOUR family feel when they show up over YOUR family's house for a get together and they bring their homosexual mates? Are you alright with that? Do you want to bring that element to your family and will they accept it?

You got a lot of issues there to deal with. God says it's wrong but at the same time God says it's wrong to judge other people. So it's YOUR call.

But first things, get a pre nup. Any man today that doesn't is crazy. He'll even Tom Cruise got one. So be smart.

Will you be able to deal with homosexual son or daughters? Your call dude. But it's one that is going to be with you the rest of your life if you DO marry her knowing going in.

I'd back out. But that's just me. One in the family, okay... but three? I'd be outta there like burning rubber. Too much odds favorite for the other side.

Talk it over with your family. And tell them to down right honest whether they know it might upset you about your girl. Family comes first. They'll always be there for you. Wives... as you can see by the latest poll, don't. A lot leave. So think it through before you commit.

I think I accidentally gave you plus rep for that. Thats embarassing.:bomb: :bomb: :nonono:

 

[BurlyShirley]

I think I accidentally gave you plus rep for that. Thats embarassing.:bomb: :bomb: :nonono:

I thought he made valid points. Not that I necessarily agree with all that, but its a reasonable point of view.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

I thought he made valid points. Not that I necessarily agree with all that, but its a reasonable point of view.

It seems to me to be a really mixed up and confused point of view. Unsubstantiated assertions about genetics. Having the arrogance to claim to speak for a god. Arguing for a prenuptial agreement.

The statement as a whole seems to bespeak a serious disconnection from the real world and from other people.

Just my interpretation, of course.

 

[Arsbars]

Coming from the forum lesbian --

If I went to a wedding for someone I loved (a family member or friend) even if there was some tension I would look past it and enjoy the happiness that comes with marriage. If there was gay bashing I might not be so easy going but ou get the point. Maybe put something in your invitiations along the line of "gay friendly" or something to alert your extended family.

Oh yes if they are close family talk to them, if you don't feel comfortable doing that why are they coming to your wedding?

 

[Arsbars]

Okay two sides of the coin... but here's what my mother told me and let's face it, your parents say things because they've been there. When you marry, you are marrying the family, not the girl. So if you have a problem with it, don't do it.

Secondly, have you ever thought from such an unorthodoxed family may come the genes with your OWN children FROM HER being that from a family of so many gay and lesbian people. Are you prepared to deal with a homosexual son who will not carry on your bloodline name or a lesbian daughter?

I have a gay in my family on a first cousin side. There's nothing wrong with it other than god and my opinion but it's HIS life, not mine. What he choses to do with it is HIS business and far be it from me to tell him how to live. I have told him to his face, I do NOT condone it but I accept it. His boy friend is a GREAT guy! I really like the guy. My cousin is the more flamboyant IN YOUR FACE, "Hey don't anybody forget I'm a fag" kind of guy and his gay boy friend is REALLY cool as you'd not only never know it, but he's a real laid back guy that doesn't wear it on his sleeve looking for acceptance like my cousin is.

So look at it that way. There's nothing wrong with it but are you prepared to deal with her family? Are you still young enough that if not do you feel you have time to meet another that will be just as fun to be with? Because when you marry, you DO marry the family. You will be over there a lot for picknicks get together parties etc.

How will YOUR family feel when they show up over YOUR family's house for a get together and they bring their homosexual mates? Are you alright with that? Do you want to bring that element to your family and will they accept it?

You got a lot of issues there to deal with. God says it's wrong but at the same time God says it's wrong to judge other people. So it's YOUR call.

But first things, get a pre nup. Any man today that doesn't is crazy. He'll even Tom Cruise got one. So be smart.

Will you be able to deal with homosexual son or daughters? Your call dude. But it's one that is going to be with you the rest of your life if you DO marry her knowing going in.

I'd back out. But that's just me. One in the family, okay... but three? I'd be outta there like burning rubber. Too much odds favorite for the other side.

Talk it over with your family. And tell them to down right honest whether they know it might upset you about your girl. Family comes first. They'll always be there for you. Wives... as you can see by the latest poll, don't. A lot leave. So think it through before you commit.

Wow

I feel like this should be moved into politics or maybe even a religious forum made. I don't plan on talking about this subject more than that

 

[Mastamind]

I guess I should elaborate more....our parents have met and they both know a lot about each other. my big concern is extended family. I guess I need to talk to my parents about how well they have preapred them for this. It doesn't help that my girls gay brother is completely flaming and inappropriate. If you ask me he gives gay people a bad name.

I know alot of gay guys like that. Don't know what it is about, but I would talk to your family and have your girl talk to her family.

I understand it can be difficult, I myself come from an slightly uncoventional family, I've never known my father, I was raised by my mom, aunt, and grandmother and grandfather. My mom and Aunt live together, always have, and it was just brought to my attention that I always refer to them as my parents.

Anyhow, my point is that communication is the key, have your girl explain to her brother that we aren't asking you to not be yourself, but please remember that certain people may not appriciate it.

 

[Jeremy R]

My family is religous.

Do they not teach spelling in Bible school?

Also, Grandma and Gay are two words that just do not belong together on RM. Can we get these filtered if used together?

Seriously, family drama is not something to stress over, is it something to embrace and enjoy.
For example, I have an uncle who is gay, and an uncle who is a magnificent azzhole.
One time my gay uncle brought his new dog to a big family cookout.
And the other uncle says in front of 30 people,
"That looks like a queer dog, you need to get yourself a woman."

This, my friend, is entertainment.
And it goes well with ribs and burgers.

 

[MtnBikerChk]

the anticipationi is often much worse than the actual events. don't let your imagination get the best of you. It'll all be good!

 

[RenegadeRick]

<snip>
When you marry, you are marrying the family, not the girl. So if you have a problem with it, don't do it.
<snip>

WTF?

I didn't.

It's not true in every case, but often it is. My wife has to deal with my controlling Mother, terminally depressed Stepfather, and borderline psychotic Brother. I have to deal with her self-absorbed sisters and her Mom and Stepdad (which are actually kinda cool ). SS, if your family can live in peace and live your own lives, you are rarities indeed.

<snip>
But first things, get a pre nup. Any man today that doesn't is crazy. <snip>

You're *not* serious, are you?

SS:
You are living a dream. Living in CO with 3 lovely kids and a beautiful wife. A wife who wants to get season passes for Winter Park.

Many of the rest of us end up with wives (husbands) who won't get on skis or a bike to save their lives. Sure they rode with us while we were dating or engaged, but once the "trap" has been sprung everything changes.

I'm not saying having a wife that won't ride is a reason for divorce, it's just that there are so many things that can change in life. SS, it seems that you have it super good. You aren't really in a position to tell people not to protect themselves.

A significant number 40%+ of marriages end in divorce. Many more simply suffer through it, for the kids. Divorce is a reality.

In my state, Illinois, we have a no-fault divorce law. Basically that means that she gets half your stuff no matter who she was funking, or how infrequently she funked you, or how abusive the relationship was.

Now I know it's just stuff, but seriously. Plan a marriage, not a wedding. Consider any issues you think may come up, and make sure you can deal with them. Rest assured there will be plenty of other issues you never dreamt of having to deal with. Enter a marriage with your eyes wide open. 'Til death do us part is a really long time.

 

[dirtydirtysouf]

I can't believe you spelled mirage wrong.

its a dirty word like....fawk, shat, ect...........

 

[N8 v2.0]

The BEST thing to do is to blow off the Big Expensive Wedding, and elope!

Have your families send you the money they would have WASTED on a cerimony and use it to put the down payment on home.

Weddings SUCK!

 

[Chunky Munkey]

I thought he made valid points. Not that I necessarily agree with all that, but its a reasonable point of view.

THANK YOU! That is what I was trying to do. Being someone that has had to deal with it, I do know how uncomfortable it is around that element with family. My cousin has brought gay friends to family stuff. Each family handles it differently. But thanks Burley. I was trying to point out issues he may have to deal with later.

 

[Chunky Munkey]

It seems to me to be a really mixed up and confused point of view. Unsubstantiated assertions about genetics. Having the arrogance to claim to speak for a god. Arguing for a prenuptial agreement. The statement as a whole seems to bespeak a serious disconnection from the real world and from other people. Just my interpretation, of course.

Just looking at both sides. Having been in the situation to be forced with my own beliefs, being religious, and my own cousin, who I care about and have known my whole life, plus being forced to accept his friends into my life and my home in addition to his boyfriend who I don't mind.

Genetics issue is still out. MOST gay's will tell you it's genetic. The scientific jury is still out.

As to arrogance to speak for god, no. Only quoting the bible. Homosexual activity is considered an abomination of Gods' law. So no arrogance there.

As to arguing for prenuptial agreement, it's more like good advice. My brother went through it. He thought marriage was forever. After six months of dating he put her name on HIS house that he bought before they were married. Being in a state of no fault divorce, I watched my brother 30, marry a girl 28, who began sleeping with a co-worker 20, late in the first year of marriage. I watched her come to my mothers' house on her two year anniversary and accept a check from my mother for a thousand dollars as an anniversary present towards a brand new $5000 bed, w/teir cabs, powder make up set desk with the big white ball lights, etc., that my BROTHER bought for her as a present. This came with a brand new $15,000 car a month earlier. Three weeks after the anniversary, as in three weeks of coming down to my mother's house to collect a check, she told my brother of the screwing relationship with this little boy at work and wanted out of the marriage. She took the car, took the bed, and cleaned out my brother's bank account illegally and wanted a pay off because she wanted HALF of the house that she had not paid for! Now you tell me MORON! Two years of screwing is worth losing 75 grande, a $15K car, a $5K bed, and left him with a MATRESS on the FLOOR!? What are you, a divorced woman?

He had bought a brand new 16 oz hammer a month earlier. Not only did she take all of his pots and pans and china, she took his HAMMER when he wasn't home!

Today, marriage means NOTHING to women and getting out means a BIG FINANCIAL GAIN! And they KNOW a guy going in is thinking with his heart. And some use guilt on a guy who wants a prenup to take advantage and make it a profitable way out later if it doesn't work. It should not be a financial gain more than you brought in or contributed to. If you come in with nothing, you don't deserve half!

But considering she only took her top off and rubbed her boobs in his face while he smiled and never consumated the marriage, I guess you think Anna Nicole Smith should get half a billion dollars for that too! You ARE stupid! You know that!?

You make NO sense. Prenup today is the only safe way. Without it, you separate the men from the fools!

Plain and simple!

I think YOU'RE Seriously disconnected from REALITY!

 

[robdamanii]

As to arguing for prenuptial agreement, it's more like good advice. My brother went through it. He thought marriage was forever. After six months of dating he put her name on HIS house that he bought before they were married. Being in a state of no fault divorce, I watched my brother 30, marry a girl 28, who began sleeping with a co-worker 20, late in the first year of marriage. I watched her come to my mothers' house on her two year anniversary and accept a check from my mother for a thousand dollars as an anniversary present towards a brand new $5000 bed, w/teir cabs, powder make up set desk with the big white ball lights, etc., that my BROTHER bought for her as a present. This came with a brand new $15,000 car a month earlier. Three weeks after the anniversary, as in three weeks of coming down to my mother's house to collect a check, she told my brother of the screwing relationship with this little boy at work and wanted out of the marriage. She took the car, took the bed, and cleaned out my brother's bank account illegally and wanted a pay off because she wanted HALF of the house that she had not paid for! Now you tell me MORON! Two years of screwing is worth losing 75 grande, a $15K car, a $5K bed, and left him with a MATRESS on the FLOOR!? What are you, a divorced woman?

He had bought a brand new 16 oz hammer a month earlier. Not only did she take all of his pots and pans and china, she took his HAMMER when he wasn't home!

Today, marriage means NOTHING to women and getting out means a BIG FINANCIAL GAIN! And they KNOW a guy going in is thinking with his heart. And some use guilt on a guy who wants a prenup to take advantage and make it a profitable way out later if it doesn't work. It should not be a financial gain more than you brought in or contributed to. If you come in with nothing, you don't deserve half!

But considering she only took her top off and rubbed her boobs in his face while he smiled and never consumated the marriage, I guess you think Anna Nicole Smith should get half a billion dollars for that too! You ARE stupid! You know that!?

You make NO sense. Prenup today is the only safe way. Without it, you separate the men from the fools!

Plain and simple!

I think YOU'RE Seriously disconnected from REALITY!

Dude, you think that what happened to one person speaks for every woman out there? You're forgetting that while 50% of marriages end in divorce, 50% do not.

I'm not going to say that I don't believe in a pre-nup, especially if you happen to be a money tree (high paying job, lottery winner, whatever) but I don't think the majority of women out there are looking for a payoff.

I'm not familiar with divorce law, but I'm fairly sure that many states are NOT no-fault divorce, and assets are divided reasonably between the two parties.

Meh...prenup or not, that's for each person to decide on their own. I don't think women are inherently evil and looking for a payoff, but that's just me.

 

[SkaredShtles]

It's not true in every case, but often it is. My wife has to deal with my controlling Mother, terminally depressed Stepfather, and borderline psychotic Brother. I have to deal with her self-absorbed sisters and her Mom and Stepdad (which are actually kinda cool ). SS, if your family can live in peace and live your own lives, you are rarities indeed.

Living 1200 miles away from *all* of them helps.

SS:
You are living a dream. Living in CO with 3 lovely kids and a beautiful wife. A wife who wants to get season passes for Winter Park.

*And* I get to commute to work on my bike 3-4 days a week. And the weather is almost always sunny.

Many of the rest of us end up with wives (husbands) who won't get on skis or a bike to save their lives. Sure they rode with us while we were dating or engaged, but once the "trap" has been sprung everything changes.

I'd call 'em out on the bait & switch.

I think that alot of people actually have happy marriages (on the whole) - I see it alot out here. Maybe it's because of the recreational opportunities as well as the weather.

<snip>
Now I know it's just stuff, but seriously. Plan a marriage, not a wedding. Consider any issues you think may come up, and make sure you can deal with them. Rest assured there will be plenty of other issues you never dreamt of having to deal with. Enter a marriage with your eyes wide open. 'Til death do us part is a really long time.

Great advice, mate! That's what my wife and I did. Oh, and the 4-month summer holiday in Europe the year before we got married didn't hurt.