Specialist Sausage Werks Bike Shorts:
Rarely do many of us get the opportunity to sample the next greatest thing before the general public. I had just such an opportunity recently when our Hansome Johnson Rep dropped by to offer a new bike short soon to never hit the market.
The Specialist Sausage Werks is a gem of apparel design. This 30 panel, ultra-contoured, anatomically correct, with variable crotch-pocket pseudo-Nylon short is by far the most high tech apparel to hit the market since the invent of the shammy. The micro-steel stitching is absolutely ballistic, although it will set off metal detectors at the airport, so please refrain from air travel while wearing your Sausage Werks. The proprietary WormGrip shammy is treated with a revolutionary lubricant, mycoxastingin, to prevent chaffing, even in the face of the harshest conditions.
Sausage Werks features Saddleseal; a Velcro-like strip on the outer of the short that mates with a Velcro-like strip you install on your bike seat. This allows for unprecedented adhesion to your bike. This prevents the rider from becoming dislocated from their bikes in the event of a harsh fall. During my testing, I lost in on a wicked decent, tumbled over a 10 foot drop, slamming into the ground with enough force to break my seat post. Fearing that I had become dislocated from my saddle I looked down to see it was still attached to my crotch. In fact, Ive since been unable to remove it! This stuff really works!!
Finally, the Sausage Werks offers the most absorbent material on the planet. The 9-way wicking plicosomesh pulls moisture straight out of the body, before it can become sweat. On removing the shorts, I noticed a hickey; all the way across my ass.
The Sausage Werks comes in 25 sizes from Turtle Syndrome Small to African Tribal Chief. Next year they plan to release a womens line, which they will call the Box Werks.
Rarely do many of us get the opportunity to sample the next greatest thing before the general public. I had just such an opportunity recently when our Hansome Johnson Rep dropped by to offer a new bike short soon to never hit the market.
The Specialist Sausage Werks is a gem of apparel design. This 30 panel, ultra-contoured, anatomically correct, with variable crotch-pocket pseudo-Nylon short is by far the most high tech apparel to hit the market since the invent of the shammy. The micro-steel stitching is absolutely ballistic, although it will set off metal detectors at the airport, so please refrain from air travel while wearing your Sausage Werks. The proprietary WormGrip shammy is treated with a revolutionary lubricant, mycoxastingin, to prevent chaffing, even in the face of the harshest conditions.
Sausage Werks features Saddleseal; a Velcro-like strip on the outer of the short that mates with a Velcro-like strip you install on your bike seat. This allows for unprecedented adhesion to your bike. This prevents the rider from becoming dislocated from their bikes in the event of a harsh fall. During my testing, I lost in on a wicked decent, tumbled over a 10 foot drop, slamming into the ground with enough force to break my seat post. Fearing that I had become dislocated from my saddle I looked down to see it was still attached to my crotch. In fact, Ive since been unable to remove it! This stuff really works!!
Finally, the Sausage Werks offers the most absorbent material on the planet. The 9-way wicking plicosomesh pulls moisture straight out of the body, before it can become sweat. On removing the shorts, I noticed a hickey; all the way across my ass.
The Sausage Werks comes in 25 sizes from Turtle Syndrome Small to African Tribal Chief. Next year they plan to release a womens line, which they will call the Box Werks.
