[fluff]

Porsche's recent announcement that it now owns a controlling stake in Volkswagen is about more than the German car industry protecting itself from foreign takeover. The move also represents the latest phase of a larger plan hatched by former VW boss and Porsche family member Professor Ferdinand Peach, who has remained on the Volkswagen's supervisory board since retiring as CEO in 2002 whilst devoting his free time to writing a book outlining his plans for a strong German car industry, entitled Mein Kampfervan. Securing just over 30 percent of VW shares, and with them power over the whole company, is the latest part of that plan which Professor Peach reportedly believes will ensure the German car industry will last for up to "1000 years".
Professor Peach has long strived for a prosperous automotive industry in Germany and believes that the key to success is not through the cost cutting and plant closures favoured by some rivals but via the creation of more factory space or 'lebensraum'.
Following the successful seizure of control, or 'putsch', at VW industry experts are eagerly awaiting Professor Peach's first public display of his new strength. As yet, there is only speculation about what this might be but staff at the former FSO factory in Poland are said to be on a state of high alert.
In the meantime, Professor Peach's passionate interest in dominance of the German car industry continues to intrigue since he himself is actually Austrian. There are also rumours that he only has one ball, the other - according to some VW insiders - is in the Albert Hall.

 

[fluff]

Or maybe not?


DAIMLERCHRYSLER DESPARATELY DITCHES DIRE DIVISION

An American Mercedes buyer got more than he bargained for this week when he opened the boot of his brand new E-class to find someone had left Chrysler in it! Cock Hamburglar of Arizona had just collected his shiny new car from Grunting Mercedes in Scottsdale and was on his way home when he heard a strange noise coming from the back of the car. "It sounded metallic, kinda like car production in under-capacity factories," Mr Hamburglar said later. "But it was overlaid with this whining sound, sorta like the noise you get when your pensions burden exceed your profit projections. So I stopped to take a look in the trunk and I simply could not believe my eyes. It was the entire Chrysler Corporation! Well, I turned right around and headed straight back to the Benz showroom so they could remove it before it started getting inadequate model development and low quality standards all over my trunk carpet".
Mr Hamburglar's misfortune might initially seem to be nothing more than a simple accident. In fact, there is growing evidence that it may be the latest in Mercedes-Benz's increasingly elaborate attempts to get rid of its American division. Two weeks before the ailing car maker turned up in a retiree's boot police in Michigan reported apprehending two men with "strong German accents" trying to throw several sizeable objects into the Detroit River. "Our officers noticed the men attempting to hoist a sack over bridge railings at approximately 1:30am," said a police sspokmean. "The sack appeared to contain two under-utilised automobile production facilities under heavy union control. In the open trunk of a nearby vehicle officers observed several other sacks, at least one possibly containing full size clay models of unattractive cars crudely saddled with generic styling cues of a retro nature, and 20,000 unsold Jeep Commanders. Upon being approached, the two men fled in their vehicle, openly sobbing".
Meanwhile, only this week staff at John F Kennedy airport prized open a suspicious left luggage locker to find it had been stuffed with financially crippling healthcare commitments and 30,000 unsold Jeep Commanders. Furthermore, at this week's New York motor show DaimlerChrysler boss Dr Dieter Zetsche was seen acting suspiciously around other car maker's stands before clearly abandoning a large briefcase near to the BMW display. When the case was returned to him, Dr Zetsche initially tried to deny all knowledge that it was his, a plee he swiftly retracted when the briefcase was opened and found to contain woeful inefficiency and a failure to anticipate trends towards smaller vehicles in the US and global non-premium markets.
"All of this means nothing," said a DaimlerChrysler pskoesman later. "We are talking to a number of parties interesting in Chrysler and there is no suggestion that we literally can't give it away".

 

[Changleen]

There are also rumours that he only has one ball, the other - according to some VW insiders - is in the Albert Hall.

lol 45

 

[MMike]

For the record, my wife's step dad loves his Jeep Commander.....

 

[valve bouncer]

lol 45

Got a chuckle out of that myself.

 

[MMike]

Mein Kampfervan was may favourite...

 

[N8 v2.0]

Papa Porche's wayward child returns...

In this picture, Hitler touches one of his birthday presents for the year: a model of the Porche's newly designed Volkswagen. Next to him are Robert Ley and Ferdinand Porsche.

 

[$tinkle]

did someone mention the fuhrer?
Ein Bier für dich!