[luelling]

This isn't some huge news, but I thought the article hit the nail on the head. I want to spend the money on the house and then toys(mtbs) and my wife wants a bedroom set and other things like that. Anyone elses relationship like this?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17887558/site/newsweek/

 

[$tinkle]

since she's not your roommate, give her the br set. you'll get your toys & get more use out of it before she wants another coat of paint, different closet doors (if any), or totally re-do the bathroom.

oh, if you plan on doing a budget together, have lots of sex beforehand. it's going to be a long winter w/o nuts.

 

[LordOpie]

Always buy whatever toys you want for the next 10 years BEFORE you get engaged.

My ex-wife wouldn't let me have a motorcycle, so after we divorced, I bought one figuring any woman that had an issue with it, well, too late b!tch. Fortunately, my wife loves riding, so it isn't an issue.

Also, if and when a toy breaks down, you're only fixing *cough*upgrading*cough* it and not buying a new one.

 

[LordOpie]

Just showing your earnings to one another is tricky. People often aren't honest. She thought she was marrying a man who makes $100,000 and it turns out that he makes $86,000. Or a woman may come into a marriage with a lot of debt.

Haha, I love how they make women sound like whores.

 

[TreeSaw]

Been married since '98 and since then, we've bought a house, lots of toys and no new bedroom set. But, neither of us is all that into furniture. It may be one of those battles that you'll have to pick & choose to keep the peace.

 

[jimmydean]

I have a "hidden" account that has a little going into it each check. That is what I use as my allowance for anything I want without issue. My wife knows what I would like and she also has things she would like, so we budget for those things out of the joint account.

She tends to get her stuff first out of the joint account and that keeps her happy. I buy what I want out of my fun money and that keeps me happy. Every so often she tosses me a bone out of the joint account and she feels all good about it and I get to buy more crap.

Works like a charm.

 

[Ciaran]

I have a "hidden" account that has a little going into it each check.
Works like a charm.

Me too.

A nice little account that she has no access too or knowledge of. Just a little "rainy day" insurance.

 

[LordOpie]

No knowledge of? Is lying a good part of marriage?

 

[$tinkle]

i think he's saying he told her, but she doesn't remember the conversation.

i have my deepest talks to my wife around 2 a.m. also.

 

[Ciaran]

No knowledge of? Is lying a good part of marriage?

Absolutely! Are you not married?

No matter the situation, one must ALWAYS be prepared for the worst. Now, don't get me wrong... I love my wife more than I can express, but love ain't guaranteed. You NEVER know what's coming down the road. And in this life, in this society, money troubles are some of the worst troubles you can have.

 

[LordOpie]

Absolutely! Are you not married?

No matter the situation, one must ALWAYS be prepared for the worst. Now, don't get me wrong... I love my wife more than I can express, but love ain't guaranteed. You NEVER know what's coming down the road. And in this life, in this society, money troubles are some of the worst troubles you can have.

I suppose because I'm on my second marriage and have learned so much that I married my woman with zero doubts and 100% commitment.

I'd rather give 100% and accept a total crash-and-burn than give 99% and have a parachute -- financial, emotional or otherwise.

(please don't think i'm passing judgement on you or anyone. everyone has their own way of living and you do what works for you.)

 

[luelling]

Absolutely! Are you not married?

LOL!! We've been married almost a year and together for almost six and we only have one joint account and still keep our money mostly seperate. I make a lot more and I pay the lion share of the bills becuase, so she doesn't complain too much when I buy bike parts....although I have dumped around $6k in the last five months on bike parts I think I'm an addict

 

[$tinkle]

Absolutely! Are you not married?

No matter the situation, one must ALWAYS be prepared for the worst. Now, don't get me wrong... I love my wife more than I can express, but love ain't guaranteed. You NEVER know what's coming down the road. And in this life, in this society, money troubles are some of the worst troubles you can have.

so you're ok w/ keeping something from her, but are you ok if you find out something she kept from you?

f'rinstance, still in touch w/ ex-bf, willful non-disclosure of medical stuff, finding out through 3rd party she hates your parents/friends

 

[dan-o]

My wife and I've been together 17 years & started out mutually broke. We've never had separate accounts and I don't even keep track of the bank accounts. My financial duties are limited to the investments and transferring cash from my business. She's the lynchpin of the household so I spoil her.

As far as my toys, let's just say I don't need to ask for permission or forgiveness.

 

[blue]

Haha, I love how they make women sound like whores.

You know what Marx said about marriage...

 

[luelling]

She's the lynchpin of the household so I spoil her.

As far as my toys, let's just say I don't need to ask for permission or forgiveness.

I take good care of my wife as well (except for the bedroom set) and she doesn't complain about the bikes....and she even comes to most of my races. The bedroom set will have to be bought though, the other day one of the drawers in her dresser fell apart...and as time goes on the pressure is being kicked up lthumbsdown: I hate spending money on furniture, it just sits there and doesn't do anything....kinda like our damn cats

 

[TreeSaw]

My wife and I've been together 17 years & started out mutually broke. We've never had separate accounts and I don't even keep track of the bank accounts. My financial duties are limited to the investments and transferring cash from my business. She's the lynchpin of the household so I spoil her.

As far as my toys, let's just say I don't need to ask for permission or forgiveness.

Nice We're in the same boat. Came into our relationship with the same, we both earn about the same. I take care of all bills and $ matters and we both have the toys we want. Now, I just need to get my husband to realize that I am the lynchpin of our household and start spoiling me

 

[jimmydean]

No knowledge of? Is lying a good part of marriage?

She was on the account early on, but didn't like not having a branch location. So she decided to open a joint account at a local bank and I left the "other" account open.

She knows it's there and it's on my pay stubs, but she doesn't pay attention. So is by me not bringing it to her attention the same as keeping it from her?

I would say, no.

I also make 100% of the cash money in the house, but she handles the bills and household budget. It's not like I am pocketing HER money.

 

[valve bouncer]

I was victim of a hostile takeover.

 

[LordOpie]

I was victim of a hostile takeover.

She did ya in the butt?

 

[SkaredShtles]

Absolutely! Are you not married?

No matter the situation, one must ALWAYS be prepared for the worst. Now, don't get me wrong... I love my wife more than I can express, but love ain't guaranteed. You NEVER know what's coming down the road. And in this life, in this society, money troubles are some of the worst troubles you can have.

I think you're WAY off the mark on this one, Medieval Man.

 

[luelling]

I think you're WAY off the mark on this one, Medieval Man.

Hey, if he wants to prepare for the divorce instead of heading it off, let him. I love people like this. Prep for your divorce and have fun! I personally have made an agreement with my wife that if we start to have problems we will promptly go to a counselor. I'm not willing to give up the time and effort I put into this relationship that easy.

 

[valve bouncer]

She did ya in the butt?

18" double-ender. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

 

[Ciaran]

Hey, if he wants to prepare for the divorce instead of heading it off, let him. I love people like this. Prep for your divorce and have fun! I personally have made an agreement with my wife that if we start to have problems we will promptly go to a counselor. I'm not willing to give up the time and effort I put into this relationship that easy.

Well then, why don't you tell me how it's done. You seem to know more than everyone here!, Hell you also seem to know the dynamics of my relationship better then I do! Please! Enlighten me!!!

Wait... let's see your credentials first. Psych degree, and therapy lisence, please. Also, how long have you been a pro therapist? What school do you follow? Mentors? Papers and/or books written?(I ask this of all my therapists, so don't feel singled out)

You are a moron. You have no idea what my relationship is with my wife, and you insinuate that having a secret stash is a precursor for divorce! Brilliant! Bet you didn't know that we almost split 5 years ago and worked like ****ING HELL to keep our relationship, did you? Know what we talk about in bed? The arguments we have?

Maybe you should stick to talking about something you know about. You're going on ignore now. You pissed me off, and you are an idiot. I have no time for idiots.

 

[LordOpie]

...huge rant!...

whoa there buddy, take a breath

 

[SkaredShtles]

I still think hiding money from a spouse is a really bad idea.

How would she feel if you came clean right now and told her about it and what it's for?

 

[LordOpie]

What Ciaran is doing is similiar-ish to a prenuptial agreement in the sense that you're preparing for the worst.

How do y'all feel about prenups?

 

[SkaredShtles]

What Ciaran is doing is similiar-ish to a prenuptial agreement in the sense that you're preparing for the worst.

How do y'all feel about prenups?

Unnecessary for me and wifey. Of course, that might be because we're not wealthy and come from the Midwest.

 

[dan-o]

What Ciaran is doing is similiar-ish to a prenuptial agreement in the sense that you're preparing for the worst.

How do y'all feel about prenups?

Sort of, except prenups are agreed upon and signed by both parties in advance of marriage.

Personally I believe in full disclosure with my wife. If you can't trust your spouse 100%, WTF's the point? YMMV.

 

[Changleen]

My wife has Jewish blood. I let her handle the finances and it's working out pretty good. As for personal money we both have personal accounts for 'fun' which we both contribute to each others. I make a bit more than her but our money is pooled before distribution.

 

[Changleen]

If you can't trust your spouse 100%, WTF's the point? YMMV.

 

[$tinkle]

My wife has Jewish blood.

on her hands, no doubt.

oh, right. prenups.
piffle. i'd rather have VB's bun warmer.

 

[Changleen]

on her hands, no doubt.

lol

 

[jimmydean]

I still think hiding money from a spouse is a really bad idea.

How would she feel if you came clean right now and told her about it and what it's for?

She would say:

"I forgot all about that. I figured that's what the second account on your pay stub was for..."

More often then not, I have used said money to buy things for her (like the MP3 player I bought her yesterday for her birthday). She has the ATM card and that's fine. I get it from her if I need it, but by letting her have it, she feels empowered.

 

[SkaredShtles]

She would say:

"I forgot all about that. I figured that's what the second account on your pay stub was for..."

More often then not, I have used said money to buy things for her (like the MP3 player I bought her yesterday for her birthday). She has the ATM card and that's fine. I get it from her if I need it, but by letting her have it, she feels empowered.

You're not hiding it. Apparently Sharon is.

 

[jimmydean]

You're not hiding it. Apparently Sharon is.

She has forgotten about it and I choose not to remind her.

My wife is very good at paying bills, but she is not so hot at saving money. So as long as any savings comes out of my check before she sees it, I'm good. Whatever is left in the joint account, she feels she can spend. Whatever is left after bills is open to allocation. We both spend, but I have my stash as well.

 

[SkaredShtles]

She has forgotten about it and I choose not to remind her.

I get the impression that Sharon's never told his wife about this account... there's a difference.

 

[binary visions]

A couple of you sure think you know how people should run their lives

Everyone runs their relationship differently, because everyone is in a different set of circumstances. 50% of marriages end in divorce; do you think 1 out of every 2 people marries their spouse with the expectation that they're going to be divorced? Or the understanding that their spouse might just lose their mind through the divorce proceedings and try to take everything (which happens quite often)?

If Ciaran is fulfilling his duties in the household financially, he alone is able to judge whether or not keeping a rainy-day fund is prudent. He's not hiding a coke habit here, it's a small stash of emergency money. Would everyone still be shaking their finger if he said it was emergency money, that she didn't know about, to use if they ran into bad times?

 

[$tinkle]

A couple of you sure think you know how people should run their lives.

Everyone runs their relationship differently, because everyone is in a different set of circumstances.

at first glance, it read "A couple of you sure think you know how people should ruin their lives

everyone ruins their relationship differently...".
projection, no doubt

50% of marriages end in divorce;

other half ends in death.
pick your poison

 

[blue]

other half ends in death.
pick your poison

This is why you all need to CONVERT!