[jonKranked]

http://blog.beliefnet.com/crunchycon/2009/10/conservatizing-the-bible.html

So apparently there's a group that feels the King James translation of the bible is too liberal. So, they're going to re-translate it with the following rules:

As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[1]

Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity

Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[2]

Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[3] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle"

Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[4] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census

Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities
Thus, a project has begun among members of Conservapedia to translate the Bible in accordance with these principles. The translated Bible can be found here.

The best part? It's being done online, wiki style. This has epic troll written alllllllllllllllll over it.



another article about it:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/conservative-bible-projec_n_310037.html

 

[JohnE]

This will be interesting...how many ways can Gods word be (mis)interpreted to better serve a focus group...and summarily used to oppress others and for financial gain...

 

[Westy]

Craziness.

Still not as crazy as aliens or seeing god through a rock you dug up.

 

[jonKranked]

This will be interesting...how many ways can Gods word be (mis)interpreted to better serve a focus group...and summarily used to oppress others and for financial gain...

Yup. Seeing the extent to which certain sects of Christianity are currently trying to force their religious views into government legislature is bad enough. It terrifies me to think what they're could do with a bible written with a self serving bias.

 

[jonKranked]

Craziness.

Still not as crazy as aliens or seeing god through a rock you dug up.

But at least that is consistent crazy. Now they're changing course mid-stream in the river of Nutjob.

 

[denjen]

I’m pretty conservative, but that’s taking way too far.

 

[Westy]

Adding hell because it is logical? Evolution doesn't exist because of faith.

 

[moff_quigley]

I wonder how they will handle the parts where the early church sold their belongings and "had all things in common" and sections in the OT about not collecting interest or only collecting the food that you needed for the day, leaving some unharvested wheat/grapes/what have you for the poor....the list goes on and on.

 

[jonKranked]

I wonder how they will handle the parts where the early church sold their belongings and "had all things in common" and sections in the OT about not collecting interest or only collecting the food that you needed for the day, leaving some unharvested wheat/grapes/what have you for the poor....the list goes on and on.

I didn't see "eliminating passages promoting socialism" on their list of requirements, but I wouldn't be surprised.

 

[dante]

Ha, it's almost like a group of monkeys in a room banging away on typewriters trying to write Hamlet.



Wait a minute, it's exactly like a group of monkeys banging on typewriters...

 

[sanjuro]

Good for them.

This isn't Kirk Cameron rewriting Darwin, but a book that has received several revisions by men, not by God, so another is no problem.

Of course, others may see this as blasphemy and smite the wicked with a vengence. Lets hope so.

 

[jimmydean]

As long as Glenn Beck gets to edit everything, at least it will be honest and truthful.

 

[JohnE]

but a book that has received several revisions by men, not by God, so another is no problem.

Of course, others may see this as blasphemy and smite the wicked with a vengence. Lets hope so.

...'xactly! Man has changed the word of God to suit himself. Just change it to suit yourself. Now Rush Limbaugh will be parting the Red Sea, and leading the Dittoheads into the promised land, Glen Beck clearing the Temple, George Bush building an Ark...

 

[drkenan]

I for one am glad that this is happening. I've always thought the Bible was way too liberal. Who is this Samson and his long hippie hair? I hope they edit that out.

 

[Westy]

I for one am glad that this is happening. I've always thought the Bible was way too liberal. Who is this Samson and his long hippie hair? I hope they edit that out.

I hope they give Jesus a shave and haircut, not to mention sensible shoes and a mutual fund.

 

[TheMontashu]

As long as the Jews are still the chosen people I could care less

 

[moff_quigley]

As long as the Jews are still the chosen people I could care less

You could, huh?

 

[ohio]

Finally, we can correct the longtime mistranslation of Peter's real name, and return it rightfully to it's Aramaic: "Limbaugh."

 

[dante]

I hope they give Jesus a shave and haircut, not to mention sensible shoes and a mutual fund.

Mutual funds are for poor working sap suckers with 401(k)s. Give Jesus a couple mil in a hedge fund and a crapload of options for a company he's about to run into the ground and you'll be closer to the truth.

 

[Westy]

Mutual funds are for poor working sap suckers with 401(k)s. Give Jesus a couple mil in a hedge fund and a crapload of options for a company he's about to run into the ground and you'll be closer to the truth.

Not to mention a golden parachute. A few hundred million upon termination with an option to pick up a few billion souls if he decides to come back.

 

[Andyman_1970]

I wonder how they will handle the parts where the early church sold their belongings and "had all things in common" and sections in the OT about not collecting interest or only collecting the food that you needed for the day, leaving some unharvested wheat/grapes/what have you for the poor....the list goes on and on.

I was wondering the same thing.....

 

[Andyman_1970]

I hope they give Jesus a shave and haircut, not to mention sensible shoes......

Let's not forget to make him white and of Nordic decent........

 

[dante]

Not to mention a golden parachute. A few hundred million upon termination with an option to pick up a few billion souls if he decides to come back.

Obviously this is going to be Jonah's *real* return to salvation:

Step 1 - Collect outrageous salary
Step 2 - Collect outrageous options if company does well
Step 3 - Artificially boost earnings to make it appear company doing well
Step 4 - Sell options
Step 5 - Watch as company collapses around him
Step 6 - Collect outrageous golden parachute
Step 7 - Closer to God

 

[Westy]

Step1: Convert Jews
Step2: ??
Step3: Profit.

 

[jonKranked]

Not to mention a golden parachute. A few hundred million upon termination with an option to pick up a few billion souls if he decides to come back.

He doesn't need any of that stuff, he's at the top of the pyramid scheme.

 

[Westy]

They also need to put that section back in about tithing.

 

[jonKranked]

They also need to put that section back in about tithing.

And that will open them up to bring back the 3/5's compromise.

 

[JohnE]

...Satan will be renamed "Bill Clinton"...

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

The " Word of God " is a failed concept from the get go. Words are the construct of man, a finite being. God is a word used to describe an infinite entity. The finite cannot grasp the infinite. Only man is arrogant enough to claim knowledge of something far beyond himself.

Even Catholic priests, men who have devoted their lives to religious studies will tell you that the Bible is nothing more than a collection of stores written by men.

 

[Silver]

Like it could be any crazier or more evil than the original book...

Really, it's hard to get worse than incest, rape, slavery, and genocide.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

Like it could be any crazier or more evil than the original book...

Really, it's hard to get worse than incest, rape, slavery, and genocide.

You forgot killing your own child and cannibalism.

 

[jonKranked]

Like it could be any crazier or more evil than the original book...

Really, it's hard to get worse than incest, rape, slavery, and genocide.

Bestiality.

 

[jimmydean]

Really, it's hard to get worse than incest, rape, slavery, and genocide.

You don't watch enough Fox News, then.

 

[Secret Squirrel]

This thread is gold. Pure gold.

 

[J-Dubs]

Have no fear. Colbert is on it. He'll be Job in no time.