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Headlines from the year 2029 - hahaha!

dh girlie

MISS MISSY (geek)
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world.

Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped!

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will be at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces weekly mail delivery to Wednesday only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of previously illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
 

Denny

Chimp
Aug 27, 2002
96
0
Seattle, WA
I'm enjoying my neighbor's subscription to Time magazine... freakin' PO guys can't figure out that my house is on 77th, not 76th... It's come 3 weeks in a row, I wonder where some of my mail must be ending up... :rolleyes:
 

slowSSer

mnoeky
Aug 14, 2002
553
0
Stepford
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will be at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

loved that one- not sure why. :evil:
 

OGRipper

back alley ripper
Feb 3, 2004
10,720
1,221
NORCAL is the hizzle
Good stuff, I like the one about diet and exercise. I was having dinner the other night with some friends, and a very dim friend of a friend started talking about diets and saying she had heard recently that some fat is good for you! And some carbs are good for you! She was very confused about what to do because the expert advise keeps changing and she can't seem to keep off any weight she loses...of course, she does absolutely zero exercise!! She actually said she finds strenuous exercise too hard!!! OMG we were dying. Oh well, I don't think we'll be seeing her around...