Quantcast

Help me get out of jury duty

drkenan

anti-dentite
Oct 1, 2006
3,443
0
west asheville
I know it's my civic duty and all that fvcking bullsh!t but as the owner of 2 small businesses whose livelihood (as well as that of 20 others) depends on my ability to show up for work, I need to get out of it.

Anyway, I need to find an insanely offensive and ridiculous t-shirt and also something absurd to say. I'm thinking about something like this (since it's kind of legal themed):



Or this old classic:



Who's got suggestions for me?
 

moff_quigley

Why don't you have a seat over there?
Jan 27, 2005
4,403
2
Poseurville
"Yessir there's no one available to cover for me while I am gone. I am the gooey sticky stuff that holds my businesses together and cannot afford to be away."
 

Ciaran

Fear my banana
Apr 5, 2004
9,844
11
So Cal
You really need to do jury duty. We need people like you on juries instead of bored wal mart housewives who have the intelligence level of a toddler that we usually get.

If for some reason you find yourself in front of a jury someday you're going to wish you had people like yourself on that jury. Do yourself and society a favor... go do jury duty.

But if you really want out...
http://www.ridemonkey.com/forums/showthread.php?t=236219
 

Jimmysal

Monkey
Mar 26, 2010
238
0
Vermont
Ever had a bad experience with the legal system? Ever been pulled out of a car and submitted to an unnecessary search?
 

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
16,589
3,991
Nowhere Man!
Question the thought processes of your co-jurists. Be very vocal and think out loud, Write everything down to a yellow legal pad and ask that things be repeated a lot. Write in very large print. Coach the other jurists and then make fun of them when they get confused. Cackle incessantly.....Exclaim you're love for Puerto Rican Porn Stars. Worked for me....
 

Arkayne

I come bearing GIFs
May 10, 2005
3,745
13
SoCal
go to jury duty.



the car is jury duty. You can't avoid it all the time.
 
Last edited:

drkenan

anti-dentite
Oct 1, 2006
3,443
0
west asheville
You really need to do jury duty. We need people like you on juries instead of bored wal mart housewives who have the intelligence level of a toddler that we usually get.

If for some reason you find yourself in front of a jury someday you're going to wish you had people like yourself on that jury. Do yourself and society a favor... go do jury duty.

But if you really want out...
http://www.ridemonkey.com/forums/showthread.php?t=236219
Holy crap that sucks! Man...sorry to hear that.

On a lighter note though I think I just found a winner:

 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
15,293
2,828
I have no idea where I am
Back when I was still living in Assville, a hipster was walking by a coffee house wearing a T-shirt that read " I take it up the ass for Jesus ". Maybe he would let you borrow it.
 

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
21,695
498
NC
I've been asked four times and each time the judge tells me to get out of his courthouse and put some pants on.
 

Jimmysal

Monkey
Mar 26, 2010
238
0
Vermont
Plus, if you're meant to get out of it, you will. When I got tapped, it was for a malpractice suit. My father was a doctor, and one of his patients tried (and failed) to fvck him out of money on a frivolous suit when I was a kid.

Naturally I carried some bias on that type of thing, so they cut me loose.
 

golgiaparatus

Out of my element
Aug 30, 2002
7,344
41
Deep in the Jungles of Oklahoma
When they call you for the morning roll instead of "here" or "present" say "GUILTY!".

Seriously though, I was in jury duty a few months back. I was in there with numerous small business owners. Most of the brought in laptops and conducted their business right there until they got called to a Jury.
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,417
1
Oz
I always ask during selection things like "what bumper stickers are on your car" or "what political organizations do you donate to" all the way on down to "what is your view of race in this country as a mitigating factor in crime?"

Normally I disqualify over:
- Too activist for the other side (and then normally they get struck if I leave them be as the prosecutor/other team sees them as too activist for me)
- You're blatantly fvcking with me or your totally insane.
- If you show prejudice against my client. "Well what are your thoughts on doctors making mistakes? Oh, you want all doctors dead? Your honor, I move to strike Juror X."

However, as a typically defense attorney in the criminal arena and as a plaintiff's attorney in civil, you're kinda my wet dream. White, educated, owner of your own business. On some levels I'd get rid of you on principal in a civil trial because I suspect you harbor ill will against all plaintiffs at this point. But in a criminal trial, or in a complex civil trial where my client got screwed, you're not going ANYWHERE if I can help it.


Just tell them you talk to Jesus on your golden telephone before making any decisions.
 

drkenan

anti-dentite
Oct 1, 2006
3,443
0
west asheville
However, as a typically defense attorney in the criminal arena and as a plaintiff's attorney in civil, you're kinda my wet dream. White, educated, owner of your own business.
Wait...who said anything about being educated? :p

Seriously...there's no chance that I'm going to be impartial. I just want the damn thing over with so I can get back to business. You think that would do the trick to get me out?
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,417
1
Oz
Seriously...there's no chance that I'm going to be impartial. I just want the damn thing over with so I can get back to business. You think that would do the trick to get me out?
Nope.

Justice isn't blind in America, she's just retarded and lazy.
 

Arkayne

I come bearing GIFs
May 10, 2005
3,745
13
SoCal
My last summons (a few months ago actually) was for a hit and run case. One of the first things the judge asked was if anyone was biased in anyway. I was the first to raise a hand and said, "As an avid cyclist, I feel strongly against those who commit hit and run."

The defense attorney promptly dismissed me.
 

stevew

unique white person
Sep 21, 2001
33,297
3,925
grow a cawk duster and show up wearing a pair of tight jeans, a muscle shirt, and half a stick of pepperoni crammed down the front of your pants....stroke it every other minute while you are waiting......the mustache or the pepperoni in your pants...your choice
 

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,257
1,334
Jimtown, CO
really?
if you got called for jury duty, you & 20 people's livelihood would suffer?
 

Silver

find me a tampon
Jul 20, 2002
10,846
0
Orange County, CA
It's easy to say "Do it" if you're a W2 working for the man. Not so easy when you're self-employed.

Although, really, with 20 people working for you, you're doing something wrong if you have to be there all the time every day. Nightmare scenario is getting stuck with a multi-week murder trial or something though...
 
It's easy to say "Do it" if you're a W2 working for the man. Not so easy when you're self-employed...
Bull****. If you're regularly employed and earning your salary the required absence from your duties is potentially just as disruptive, presuming you're not a slacker. The test in either case is whether you have taken the time and made the effort to be ready for contingencies in general.
 

I Are Baboon

Run, Forrest, Run!
Aug 6, 2001
29,775
2,632
MTB New England
I'd like to get called again. A day out of the office would be welcome right now. I've been called five times. Lucky SSN, I guess. I got as far as the courtroom once. The other times the case was settled in the morning and we were all dismissed.

To reply to the OP, I say just go. We all have better things to be doing, son.
 

loco-gringo

Crusading Clamp Monkey
Sep 27, 2006
8,884
6
Deep in the heart of TEXAS
I had to do it in traffic court a couple of years back. I told one juror she was stupid and told the defendant to sack up and stop wasting our time. He was guilty and wasting court resources because he felt violated. He was the dumbass that violated that poor lady's car because he couldn't follow at a safe distance in the rain.

You might as well go drkenan. I suspect no one will want your whiny ass in a jury box anyway. Hell, you got fired from a dentist. You are not exactly "employable", if you will. :think:
 

Silver

find me a tampon
Jul 20, 2002
10,846
0
Orange County, CA
Bull****. If you're regularly employed and earning your salary the required absence from your duties is potentially just as disruptive, presuming you're not a slacker. The test in either case is whether you have taken the time and made the effort to be ready for contingencies in general.
Graveyards are full of indispensable men, but losing the principal at a company with 20 employees for a week hurts a lot more than losing Dilbert for a week. Big companies have things like HR departments, accounting departments, etc. Small businesses usually have the owner.
 

drkenan

anti-dentite
Oct 1, 2006
3,443
0
west asheville
But what if its a dental malpractice case?
Oh please...if there is a God in heaven this will come true.


You might as well go drkenan. I suspect no one will want your whiny ass in a jury box anyway. Hell, you got fired from a dentist. You are not exactly "employable", if you will. :think:
To all those wondering...I'm gonna go. This thread was more tongue in cheek than anything (not meant to discuss your opinion of my "employability"). Although I'm damn sure going to find an offensive t-shirt.
 

3D.

Monkey
Feb 23, 2006
899
0
Chinafornia USA
It's very easy to be relieved... unfortunately it will most likely be for life.

10 years ago I was working 70-75 hours a week with one of my small businesses and was called to duty. It was physically impossible for me to attend during the time period that I was called upon so I simply wrote the court a short letter stating that I was a firm believer in the Jury Nullification process and since our courts no longer practice this openly I was not willing to attend.

I have never been called for duty since then and probably never will be called again. Our current justice system bitterly despises this old, extremely important, process and absolutely does not want that type of free thinking in the court rooms.

I’m bummed I can’t go back, for it was really just a timing issue.
 

-BB-

I broke all the rules, but somehow still became mo
Sep 6, 2001
4,256
28
Livin it up in the O.C.
The only thing I can say is that while you should never "lie", do not be hesitant to speak up about how you feel on something. Unlike Cairian's jail experience, sitting in the corner with your eyes on the ground is the perfect way to get picked. Express a view on something and more than likely one side or the other will dismiss you.

For me, the last time it was "I trust the word of a police officer LESS than that of the average person".