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Help me write my farewell note

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,716
2,162
North Van
So, I will be having my last day at work next Friday. There's been a rash of folks leaving lately like leppers off a cliff. Each has left their own note. Some funnier than others.

I lack inspiration, let's hear your suggestions. I'd like to capture gratitude, enrichment, best wishes to all, and kiss my grits all rolled into a short toodaloo.

Go.
 

The Toninator

Muffin
Jul 6, 2001
5,440
16
High(ts) Htown
I havent do my official good by note because the hurricane has closed the office but as i was leaving yesterday i opened 'paint' and made this my background:
It's been real
Later B!tch3s
your pal
t

my ex-boss will find it monday when she logs onto that computer. Oh, i also turned on my out of office reply:
Went biking b!tch3s
i wont be back
i hate you all
your pal
t

hopefully that one gets a smile too :)
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
5
when i left the military i cut-pasted "black steel in the hour of chaos" by PE

being an oppressed inner-city black youth, it spoke to me
 

Jim Mac

MAKE ENDURO GREAT AGAIN
May 21, 2004
6,364
281
the middle east of NY
Dear Fascist Bully Boys,

Give me some money.

Boom Shanka (roughly translated to "may the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman"),
Da Peach
 

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
16,357
1,200
01776
We had some fun
But now, I'm done
I've got to get out and be on my way
No joke emails
They always fail
In fact this is just my very last day
No coffee stain
My boss is a pain
No more standing around discussing "lost"
But what it is
Is something true
Made up of these three words that I must say to you

I just called to say I'm leaving
I just called to say how little I care
I just called to say I'm leaving
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart
 

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
16,357
1,200
01776
It's this job I don't love
Some others left, and so will i
My resignation's what Im thinking of
You already got this from several other guys

I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand

I'm just gonna give you up
I'm just gonna move on down
I'm gonna get out of town and desert you
Really hope this makes you cry
Now I've gotta say goodbye
Don't ask me why, or I'll hurt you
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
5
maybe the lepers had lined up to pee at teh same time & are now just chasing their hopes & dreams?

maybe...?
 

ridiculous

Turbo Monkey
Jan 18, 2005
2,909
1
MD / NoVA
A real JP Morgan farewell email.

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj H*********: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “meets expectation.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Philip C****, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe C***** were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

To Brenda A**** whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

To Sylvia K*****, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ; )

To Bob M***** (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can’t believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

Don M***** (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I’m happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company’s rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it’s a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us “faceless little people” more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient (”because it’s good for the company”) in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don’t bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.
 

ire

Turbo Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
6,199
4
I found this....

I am sure you are wondering why I'm addressing this resignation letter to you, being you are not management nor my supervisor. Truth be told, I am extremely confident this letter will get expedited to management through your part. You have done such an astounding job on reporting everything else to them in the past, this too will be automatic.
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
14,886
2,584
I have no idea where I am
Take your shirt off, crap in your hand and write " I quit " backwards on your chest. Then hug your boss. Make sure you get it on video so you can start your own members only German fetish website. The revenue generated will keep you in high end DH bikes for a long time.

You'll be star.
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
5
A real JP Morgan farewell email.
that work environment reads like where my wife used to work (LSI logic)

peach: if you're feeling cheeky, put some raw chicken or fox urine behind a few junction plates, subfloors, heat sink fans, office furniture.
 

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,716
2,162
North Van
I know where to get raw chicken, as for the fox urine, maybe some of my coworkers could help me out. Altough none of them would quite qualify as "foxes"...

"Come on Meike, just a little tinkle!"

"Nein!"
 

Wumpus

makes avatars better
Dec 25, 2003
8,163
154
Six Shooter Junction
Apparently a LOT of people use portions of that for their resignation letter. :think:

http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/leaving.asp
A real JP Morgan farewell email.
What a wuss.

Hi Guys

Last Thursday I sent out a going away email. It was meant to be a joke email but I now realise that it has caused offence / upset and has been passed on to a wider audience than the intended recipients. The text was something I pulled off the Internet.

I apologise for any offence that I have caused. I regret that the email could adversely impact on the reputation / good name of Ernst & Young and my former colleagues. I wish to emphasis that none of the comments were meant to be taken seriously. I hold Ernst & Young and my former colleagues in the highest regard.

If you have passed on the original email or shown it to anyone outside of the recipient list can you please also pass on this apology and refrain from futher forwarding of the mail.

Regards,
Cian Kelliher
 

Austin Bike

Turbo Monkey
Jan 26, 2003
1,559
0
Duh, Austin
Don't burn any bridges. I worked with someone who pissed on everyone on the way out of their old job.

Then their old company bought our company. Oops.

You never know how things will work out down the road.

But, if you like to be unemployed, piss away.
 

BikeMike

Monkey
Feb 24, 2006
784
0
I found this....
I am sure you are wondering why I'm addressing this resignation letter to you, being you are not management nor my supervisor. Truth be told, I am extremely confident this letter will get expedited to management through your part. You have done such an astounding job on reporting everything else to them in the past, this too will be automatic.
This, or something very close to it, is going in a co-worker's drawer when I leave.

Also "So long suckas!" on a post it note is a good, succinct one.
 
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