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Hilarious descriptions for terrible movies

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Full Trucker

Full Trucker

Frikkin newb!!!
Feb 26, 2003
11,141
8,783
Exit, CO
TL;DR version is: I went down a rabbit hole of looking at IMDB info for a cheesy movie a friend recommended. But what I noticed is, the descriptions of a bunch of arguably REALLY BAD movies from the 80's and 90's have hilarious, and completely unbelievable that it would even be a movie, descriptions. Can you spot the fake?

A martial arts rock band goes up against a band of motorcycle ninjas who have tightened their grip on Florida's narcotics trade.
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Yes... Miami Connection (1987)

A smooth-talking private eye is assigned the task of investigating who is behind the hi-tech computer technology leaks to the Russians.
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Damn straight... Malibu Express (1985)

Hunted down by an almost endless wave of assassins, the Federal agents, Donna and Nicole, must stay alive to prevent an imminent crash of the American Stock Market.
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Donna and Nicole better... Do or Die (1991)

A reality dating show takes a haunted turn when a new location scout accidentally books a cabin with a deadly secret.
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Nope. Not a movie. Totally made up.

In Molokai, two undercover drug enforcement agents are after a vicious drug kingpin, but on the way, they will also have to deal with a contaminated giant python.
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Squeeze, bitches... Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

An American gymnast travels to a foreign country to compete in a deadly game not won by anyone other than a native in more than 900 years.
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Oh damn... Gymkata (1985)

A group of martial arts students travel to an island inhabited by the ghosts of martial artists who have lost their honor, where Hitler look-a-like and his gang are running a female slavery operation.
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Um... Wut? Raw Force (1982)

A top secret Agent is murdered, so his estranged son, a high school gymnast, teams up with his dad's attractive female partner to stop the psychopathic hermaphroditic gang leader who killed him, and now plans a major terrorist attack.
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Never say Never Too Young to Die (1986)
 
junkyard

junkyard

You might feel a little prick.
Sep 1, 2015
2,616
2,347
San Diego
I like to do funny descriptions of my kids shows.

Dino Dana, A schizophrenic girl annoys her friends and family with incessant hallucinations of dinosaurs.
 
I Are Baboon

I Are Baboon

Vagina man
Aug 6, 2001
32,747
10,700
MTB New England
That could not have been an easy post to make, what with all of the quotes and spoiler boxes. So kudos for all of that work.

Also you seem to be drawn to movies about martial arts and/or gymnastics.
 
scrublover

scrublover

Turbo Monkey
Sep 1, 2004
3,217
6,985
Full Trucker said:
Never Too Young To Die. It's on Amazon Prime... I think I'm tempted to check it out.

Like you're not.
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Added to Watch List...

Stamos ought to throw you a few bucks for the massive amounts of residual money coming his way as a result of this thread.

Oh. Wait. Free on the 'zon...
 
Full Trucker

Full Trucker

Frikkin newb!!!
Feb 26, 2003
11,141
8,783
Exit, CO
Also this is giving me a dumb idea... ya'll know how there's usually a World Cup thread in the DH forum during race season, and when a race is happening on Red Bull TV the thread is like a turn-by-turn commentary? Yeah... we should have "Bad Movie Night" threads in the Lounge... where we coordinate a time to watch a particular movie and all post about how bad it is in real time.

Oh man.

You guys.
 
SkaredShtles

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
67,863
14,183
In a van.... down by the river
Full Trucker said:
Also this is giving me a dumb idea... ya'll know how there's usually a World Cup thread in the DH forum during race season, and when a race is happening on Red Bull TV the thread is like a turn-by-turn commentary? Yeah... we should have "Bad Movie Night" threads in the Lounge... where we coordinate a time to watch a particular movie and all post about how bad it is in real time.

Oh man.

You guys.
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I watched "Arrival" recently. That movie sucked.
 
SkaredShtles

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
67,863
14,183
In a van.... down by the river
Full Trucker said:
But did it "martial arts rock band goes up against a band of motorcycle ninjas" suck? Or was it more of a "they will also have to deal with a contaminated giant python" kind of suck?
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It was more of a "What in the actual FUCK is going on here at the end of this movie" kind of suck. I was left having no idea what just happened. I hit the bongshed pretty hard, so that may have contributed to my lack of understanding...
 
junkyard

junkyard

You might feel a little prick.
Sep 1, 2015
2,616
2,347
San Diego
Me and Karla have a couple of friends over most Friday’s, we make the kids watch Netflix in their room. Get a pizza and watch a bad horror movie. We do our own version of MST3k and yell every time we see boobs or a head gets ripped off or explodes.

One of the best. “Wolf cop”
 
scrublover

scrublover

Turbo Monkey
Sep 1, 2004
3,217
6,985
SkaredShtles said:
I demand you cease viewing of this film. No good can come of it!
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Oh we stopped. But I think I do have to finish watching it just to take more screenshot pictures.

Just look at the gold from only those two shots! From the first two minutes of the movie. More to come!
 
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