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I am the slowest xc'er on the face of the planet.

KleinMp99

Monkey
Nov 5, 2001
479
1
United States
Inspired by burly's post about his race, I will tell you about my race last weekend.

The race was sunday and I drove up friday and camped. Rode a little saturday and then there was a pre ride of the course which I didnt go on. The course is super super tough. I thought I would drink alot of water so instead of a couple water bottles like I usually take, I took a camelbak. I figured I would take tubes, pump and tire levers also just in case because I had all the room on my back anyway. This year they had the race parade down the main road before the race actually started. I was at the very front right behind the truck with my pack on ready to blast off. The truck pulled away and it was a mad sprint up the road. I died after about 300 feet. I thought to myself "why the hell do I always have to do that" as groups of 20 people were passing me. There is no way I want to keep going. I was riding slowly up the road, and then onto the 2 track which kept going up. Downhill.....I came upon one of my lady friends and said hey as I ROCKETED down. Sharp right turn.....and instead of making the turn I shot right into the woods after locking both of my slick tires up. "check out your front wheel matt". Oh jesus look at this wheel, it was completely taco'd. I got up slowly and took my time beating the wheel into submission. Off I go (no front brake)...with maybe a couple people behind me :dead:
Still riding slowly the camelbak is absolutely killing my neck and back. Ohhh yea I remembered why I dont wear these things....I really need to get rid of this thing because I cant deal with it for 17 more miles. After passing a few of the course helper people, I finally decided to drop it off with this one guy. He was sitting in the back of his truck drinking beer. I stop and take the camelbak off and suck as much water as I can. "Dude....I really need to leave this here because its killing me." "Well I own this one hotel" Alright i'll come get it after the race. So I am off again. I came upon this fat young kid who was giving it up a hill. I thought to myself "what the hell, I am 18 years old, athletic, muscular, strong, and look who is in front of me. I am a piece of crap. I eventually passed him and a few other people and then came across a guy and his gf that I knew. He said he was definately turning off after he got to the end of lap 1 (2 lap race). We shot the ****, walked alot, and then I felt pretty good so I took off. I got to the end of the first lap after the absolutely brutal downhill and there is a lake. I am riding right next to the lake and I decided to jump in. A minute later is the turn off for the people who did one lap, as I was riding up to the turn off I was thinking which way should I go. I decided to keep going!!!!!!!! Very bad mistake and I mean verrrry bad. I did however feel very good after I made it up the first hill. I was crusing along, thinking to myself gee I am going to turn a much faster 2nd lap! My throat starts feeling dry and just as I am really needing water I am back to where I dropped my camelbak off. ----Totally.....sweet----. I chug a whole bunch of water again and I am off again. I make it to about 5 miles from the finish and start feeling a little ****ty. 4 miles and I am going real slow. Then I hit the biggest wall I have ever hit in my life. I literally didnt have any energy left at all. I got off my bike and started walking on the flat trail. I couldent even keep walking. I layed down on the trail and took a nap to see if I could recharge. There is nobody else on the course and I am just laying there relaxing and this is during a race. After a bit I got up and started walking more. There were some raspberry bushes off the trail so I dropped my bike and went to pick as many as I could. Continued walking and literally couldent keep going. I remembered that there were some course workers up the trail farther but I couldent make it to them. I fell down on the trail and layed there for a long time. When I got up I was searching for berries to eat....walking and scanning off the trail for berries which could maybe help me keep going. I am so dead that I am thinking how am I going to make it out of here. I thought about flagging a car down because I heard a road not far off. No...thats stupid so I kept walking. I made it to the golf course and was going to ask one of the golfers if they had food or something but I just decided to lay down again. "Are you ok or are you just takin it easy" one says. I am alright I say. I got back up.....walked about 50 feet and then layed down again. Got back up and vision is all blurred and I am really in bad shape and can hardly walk. Eventually I made it up to where the course workers were. And I mean were....they werent there now. The whole adventure from when I first layed down to where I made it was only like 600 feet...that is how bad it was. I layed there knowing I could take this downhill and make it to the finish where there were brats and hot dogs and lots of stuff to drink. After a little while the course sweepers who were on bikes caught up to me. I asked them if they had food or water. I drank some nasty water out of one of their camelbaks. They said that the people up the trail farther might have a cliff bar. A CLIFF BAR OMG......I am practically in tears after hearing the glorious news. He brings me back a carrot cake cliff bar. I ate it like junk food. They asked me if I could keep going and I was like I dono. All the while they were getting yelled at by somebody on their radios about who was still on the course and stuff. They said they werer giving me a minute to think about continuing. After a few seconds I said I just couldent ride my bike any longer. There was no way I could ride the last 3 miles of the race to the finish. I was at the top of the course ready to ride the downhill....and there was no way my body could handle it. They called somebody up and I got picked up in a truck.

It was my second DNF in a xc race.
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,180
17
TN
KleinMp99 said:
I fell down on the trail and layed there for a long time. When I got up I was searching for berries to eat.
Sorry dude, but, Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahah! That's some funny ****. I love you though dude, really.
 

blue

boob hater
Jan 24, 2004
10,160
2
california
Look out dude...sounds like nasty ass dehydration, I was stuck in that same situation a month ago and had to bail. The EMTs said that if I kept going they were gonna stick me with an IV and haul me off in an ambulance when I finished. I decided to stay fresh for 24 Hour racing...
 

Skookum

bikey's is cool
Jul 26, 2002
10,184
0
in a bear cave
Sounds like you need to prepare a bit better.
Knowing your body and how much water, gu, protein bars, and what kind of pace you should keep you from bonking out is all stuff that is learned.
Plus adjust your camelbak pack straps differently i ride with one stuffed full of crap for many many miles and i never have issues with mine.
But all in all sounds like a good time. :thumb: ;) :drool:
 
J

JRB

Guest
I don't think I can read all of that without forum bonking, but I thought I was the slowest any kind of racer.
 

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
19,864
8,459
Nowhere Man!
xbluethunderx said:
ass dehydration.....
You always gotta remember to hydrate your ass! I have never had ass dehydration. It sounds bad. Can you keep the enema in during a race or is that against Norba rules? .....jdcamb
 

say 10

Chimp
Jul 30, 2004
84
0
NH
Glad you survived your race.... you know it's not your day when you decide to take a swim during the race and pick berries
 
J

JRB

Guest
say 10 said:
Glad you survived your race.... you know it's not your day when you decide to take a swim during the race and pick berries
I was a course marshall a few years back and 11 experts said phuck it and went swimming half way through the second lap.
 

Ian F

Turbo Monkey
Sep 8, 2001
1,016
0
Philadelphia area
Skookum said:
Sounds like you need to prepare a bit better.
Knowing your body and how much water, gu, protein bars, and what kind of pace you should keep you from bonking out is all stuff that is learned.
Plus adjust your camelbak pack straps differently i ride with one stuffed full of crap for many many miles and i never have issues with mine.
But all in all sounds like a good time. :thumb: ;) :drool:
:stupid:

How well tdid you eat and drink the night before? Drink any beer? Beer is unfortunately a big no-no prior to an XC race. I haven't done a serious XC race in ages, but I used to race the local weekly evening XC race to train for DH racing. I always made sure to eat a good dinner the night before and drink a ton of water during work. Then down a gel 15 minutes or so before the start. If I skipped any of those I suffered.

Personally, I'm a crappy "cold sprinter" even when I try to warm up prior to the race. I'm happy if I can stay mid-pack on the start and then pass people once things string out. If I tried to sprint to the front at the start, I was doomed.

But this is what I have found works for me. Just keep racing. You'll find out what works for you as well. :)
 

Heidi

Der hund ist laut und braun
Aug 22, 2001
10,184
797
Bend, Oregon
Wow - you make it sound like you were on a 100 mile ride through the Alps or something! :)

Skook hit it....preparation. It's all stuff you figure out after time. I have to agree with you on the camelbak though...I HATE wearing one for races, it hurts my back. I've tried about 5 different styles, but they all hurt. :(
 
J

JRB

Guest
Heidi said:
Wow - you make it sound like you were on a 100 mile ride through the Alps or something! :)

Skook hit it....preparation. It's all stuff you figure out after time. I have to agree with you on the camelbak though...I HATE wearing one for races, it hurts my back. I've tried about 5 different styles, but they all hurt. :(
I am in heaven since I discovered to carry bottles in my jersey pockets.
 

KleinMp99

Monkey
Nov 5, 2001
479
1
United States
Ian F said:
How well tdid you eat and drink the night before? Drink any beer? Beer is unfortunately a big no-no prior to an XC race.

Well ah......haha.

I had a cold one during the race:rolleyes:

Remember the guy that I dropped my camelbak off with? :D
I blame my failure to finish on the damn labatt!!!!! hahaha
And I was up there camping and the couple days before the race all I drank was pop and what I mentioned earlier, along with alot of junk food and stuff. O well.....its always a good time being up there anyway. They had a big bike class where your bike had to be over 38 I think it was......I had the demo with me but I decided to do the long xc race on the xc bike. If I would have ridden the demo I could have had a real excuse and I would have finished too :drool:
 
J

JRB

Guest
SkaredShtles said:
Do you get to carry a gun as a course marshall?

-S.S.-

Uhm - it's Texas. Hell yeah we carry guns. We ride horses and have a chuck wagon too, pardner.
 

llkoolkeg

Ranger LL
Sep 5, 2001
4,331
11
in da shed, mon, in da shed
Like echo, I have had a similar bonk riding...but not during a race. On my very first visit attempt at riding the Catoctin Trail from Cunningham Falls to Gambrill Park, I bonked so bad that I barely finished half the ride. I had intended on making it a leisurely 8-hour out-and-back with each leg approximately 13 miles. I read a trail review on empty beer and figured that I would be able to handle the terrain on my '96 Stumpy/Z2 BAM. HAA-fugging-HAA! Having only ridden XC on comparatively groomed VA trails previous to this, 26 miles in 8 hours seemed perfectly reasonable. What I quickly learned was that the Catoctin Trail was nothing but a doubletrack rock garden that snakes up and down a mountain ridge seemingly forever.

Even though I experienced no mechanical failures, the trail was so punishing that I had to walk a lot of it. Before long, I was railing at the heavens that such a trail was even considered rideable. After nine hours of sweating in the heat, trying to drink enough(even though I felt highly nauseated) and still trudging mostly uphill towards Gambrill, darkness started to fall. Fearing a night alone and helpless on the mountain provided just enough adrenaline to continue on. Mind you until the end, I never ran out of water, food or doobage, but I STILL bonked that bad. Thankfully, a local Frederick rider came upon my crumpled form in the middle of the trail near where the Catoctin Trail meets the Yellow Trail in Gambrill, perhaps only a mile or two from the trailhead.

The dude saved my sack, that's for sure. He pointed me up a dirt road that led to Gambrill Park Road and told me to just wait there for him. He pedaled the rest of the way to the trailhead in Gambrill Park and returned shortly thereafter in his truck. He loaded my stuff and then drove me all the way back to my car, which I'd parked near Cunningham Falls 13 miles away. We talked on the way back(well, he talked and I mostly zoned), but I was so out of it that I can remember almost nothing about him, his bike, his truck or anything about that time. It was like I'd suffered a concussion or something. I remember thanking him profusely, but can't even make out his face from memory. Too bad, really, because I'd hate to think I've seen him out on the trails since without recognizing him or his kind efforts on my behalf.