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i can´t freaking understand women!!!!!!! i thought older women were less insane..

ALEXIS_DH

Tirelessly Awesome
Jan 30, 2003
5,463
244
Lima, Peru, Peru
so... dear playboy.....
saturday night i went out with this woman... she is a somewhat attractive friend 9 years older than me (am 22) who happens to be divorced...

so i called her out on saturday night, and we went for ride around town, barhopping until 6am... i never made a move on her, didnt even dance close nor made physical contact that wasnt required, as she was telling all freaking night how much she values friendship and what not, and that she hated dudes who misunderstood her friendship with somethin else, and how every man she meets tries to make a move on her and how much she hated that...
since i thought she was a pretty cool woman (with lots of hot friends too) i considered her my buddy...
we drank, and drank and drank.. from club to club around the city until around 6am, then i drove to the beach and i parked in front of the shore, turned off the car, laid back my seat to chill down for a little while, since i was pretty wasted and i wanted to finish my beer before dropping her at home.....

so, out of nowhere, this woman jumps on top of me, and we start making out.... we made out for about 10 or 15 minutes, before i realized we were on public space, upon the looks of a lot of people jogging in a perfectly clear morning, in an very hot making out session.
so when she put a hand inside my pants, i politely took it off, and said "if you dont want to talk about this later, we can just pretend this never happened"...

i turned on the car, and drop her off her house, kissed her goodbye, and on to my house i went.... i had a family lunch at 11am.. and i got home at 7am only to sleep a couple of hourse...

so, today, monday morning, she called me, and as soon as she started talking she said "i want to talk about what happened on saturday" and i was kinda expecting that, for her to say something like "lets just pretend that didnt happened, or blablabla"...
BUT!!!!!... she started "hey, am sorry... i really wanted to apologize for what happened on the weekend.....".. THEN came what struck me cold, hit my manhoodness on its soft belly "... i´d never forget you... you were like a little scared kid, i know you are GAY... and i hope you´d understand my actions"

and i didnt know what to say.. im still like WHAT THE FCK!!!!!, i just said "well, it was very early in the morning and there was people around watching.. you know, and the age difference is kinda an issue for me plus i wasnt expecting it, since you were talking about friendship so much and yiddi yadda" to make the most polite answer i could give, without yelling for just being labeled as GAY, because a woman just called me gay....

man... i thought older women would have less vanity and be smarter...
 

amateur

Turbo Monkey
Apr 18, 2002
1,019
0
Orange County
She's pissed you shot her down. Deal with it. I'm sure most everyone has had something similar happen.


Now it's your turn to take her out again and systematically work your way through her and her friends.
 

chicodude

The Spooninator
Mar 28, 2004
1,057
1
Paradise
ALEXIS_DH said:
oh thanks... that helps a lot to heal the flying roundhouse kick to the nuts my manhood got today........

Your username "alexis" Makes me think vagina for some reason.


But look at it this way, You got to make out with a hot chick that you didn't think you would. Its not all bad
 

beestiboy

Monkey
May 21, 2005
321
0
Merded, ca
Dude you missed your chance, You should have denied being gay so strongly that the only way to change her mind is to RAGE her for a couple of sessions, then move on to her friends.

edit: i also thought alexis was a little more feminine than masculine
 

ALEXIS_DH

Tirelessly Awesome
Jan 30, 2003
5,463
244
Lima, Peru, Peru
beestiboy said:
Dude you missed your chance, You should have denied being gay so strongly that the only way to change her mind is to RAGE her for a couple of sessions, then move on to her friends.

edit: i also thought alexis was a little more feminine than masculine

yeah i know, when i was in college i went out a couple of times with a girl called "Alexis"... it was kinda fun and weird..

its my middle name. my first is Pedro.. i go by either one depending on the crowd (Pedro for HS friends, co-workers, and my dad... Alexis for college buddies and my mom and sisters).....
 

hooples3

Fuggetaboutit!
Mar 14, 2005
5,247
0
Brooklyn
women are all a little nutty .. just keep that in the back of your mind. meanwhile if you went through with the actions and wound up in bed with er then next day she would probably be like... how could you take advantage of me like that
I better stop before it turns into a rant
 

MudGrrl

AAAAH! Monkeys stole my math!
Mar 4, 2004
3,123
0
Boston....outside of it....
she's a friggin fruit loop.

one would think by that age she could accept consequences...apparently she does not have her head together.

I wouldn't hang with her anymore. She's older, but she's not an adult.
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,222
86
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
ALEXIS_DH said:
we drank, and drank and drank.. from club to club around the city until around 6am, then i drove to the beach and i parked in front of the shore, turned off the car, laid back my seat to chill down for a little while, since i was pretty wasted and i wanted to finish my beer before dropping her at home.....

..
Uhhhhh.........dude?
 

I Are Baboon

Run, Forrest, Run!
Aug 6, 2001
29,758
2,599
MTB New England
Ehhh, just curious, why'd you turn her down (aside from being in a public place of course)? You go out with a 30-something year old divorcee, you've got to think this kind of thing might happen.
 

zahgurim

Underwater monkey
Mar 9, 2005
1,101
12
lolAsia
Women never say what they mean, or mean what they say. The sooner you realize this, the better.
A 31 year old woman going out with a 22 year old is only after one thing, and you missed out on some prime beach porno-action. She even gave you a chance to make up for it...

Go to her house with a case of beer, order a pizza, and put her through her headboard the first chance you get. Tell her to invite a friend over, too.
 

Konabumm

Konaboner
Jun 13, 2003
4,381
77
Hollywood, Maryland, United States
I Are Baboon said:
Ehhh, just curious, why'd you turn her down (aside from being in a public place of course)? You go out with a 30-something year old divorcee, you've got to think this kind of thing might happen.
:stupid:

I'm with him, that WOMEN would have done things to you that you only see in porn....
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,135
255
NY
Your friendship should be strong enough to handle a few make out sessions and the occasional boinking.

Friends with benefits are the best!!!
 

laura

DH_Laura
Jul 16, 2002
6,260
15
Glitter Gulch
MMike said:
Uhhhhh.........dude?
i'm so glad i'm not the only one who noticed. before you judge all women on this fine specimen you have nabbed, you might want to take a look at the kind of women you attract due to your lifestyle.
 

SkaredShtles

I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!
Sep 21, 2003
50,816
4,185
In a van.... down by the river
robdamanii said:
The only thing I can say is this:

Some women are like wine and some are like cheese.

Some get better with age, and some just get moldy.
That's a really crappy analogy. Because everyone knows that some of the most sublime cheese on the planet is stinky, moldy cheese. :nope:
 

rigidhack

Turbo Monkey
Aug 16, 2004
1,210
1
In a Van(couver) down by the river
Not necessarily gay,
ED maybe...

Try Viagra.

"MACDUFF
What three things does drink especially provoke?

Porter
Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and
urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;
it provokes the desire, but it takes
away the performance"

Shakespeare: Macbeth - Act2 Scene 3
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,027
3
Denver
you're either gay or she's ugly. If you didn't want to get busy in public, take her some place private.

But WTF is up with the driving drunk?
 

DHS

Friendly Neighborhood Pool Boy
Apr 23, 2002
5,100
0
Sand, CA
come man thats why you hook up with older women. cause its a sure thing. you can't really expect to have something more meaning. it just doesn't work right. she'll bring up things she loves to do when she was younger and you'll be saying how your balls were just dropping at that time.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,027
3
Denver
valve bouncer said:
You guys have never been to the 3rd world have you.
drunk driving is illegal and wrong. I have done it, I was wrong. How is it relevant what anyone else does in another part of the world.