[ncrider]

I need your help on this monkies!

I've never wanted to have kids, every, never, not once has a thought of having my own kids flashed across my mind. I often wince at the image. Don't get me wrong I really like the little bugers. I love my little brother and he's five. I think kids are hillarious. I do, however, think babies are rather odd and I don't want anything to do with them. Basically kids are fine so long as I can give them back to their respective parents and get alone with my life.

The problem is that my GF of 4 years really wants kids. No, she doesn't want them now, tomorrow, or in the next couple years even, but she does WANT them SOMETIME. I Plan to MARRY her down the road so this is a huge problem for our future. We've talked about it and I've expressed my total undeniable lack of want for children. I explain that I see a better life for us without the responsibility and tie down of children. I see a financial, lifestyle, and freedom benefit of life w/o the little monsters. I want to be that old couple jetting off to (fill in the blank) for a sper of the moment vacation and not the couple tied into a third mortgage because junior needs braces. She says I'm just selfish (she's right). She wants them. I don't. Not good. Not at all.

Anybody been through this situation? I mean, it's not like our feelings are going to change or fade. In fact as we get older there (especial her's) are just going to get stronger (were 25 & 26 years old). Part of me says to let her go cause it's not fair for her to be stuck with me and my feelings. The oher part of me says hold on, "cause it really doesn't matter if five years from now she freaks out about kids. I still won't want them. Sucks for her, not me." Yeah thats cold, but "I'm selfish" remember.

 

[narlus]

sounds like 'irreconcilable differences' to me. avoid messy and costly divorce proceedings while you still can.

 

[JRB]

I didn't really want kids so much, but Caroline will be here in about a month. I find myself strangely intrigued, and very excited. I saw the most adorable little girl last week, and I can't wait for mine to be here now. Give it some time, bro. Visit with the right kids. Read manimal's threads. That should give some motivation. It has me.

 

[MMike]

Get a secret vasectomy...

 

[splat]

If that is the way you truely fell. Run away!!!

Because the Girlfriend /Wife will only get more adament about it , as you get the Biologial clock stuff.

 

[geargrrl]

If that is the way you truely fell. Run away!!!

Because the Girlfriend /Wife will only get more adament about it , as you get the Biologial clock stuff.

this is an area you should definately have common values on. Find someone who is on the same page as you or you will be asking for trouble. It would be a lot better even if you were both at the maybe stage. But to be polarized on it already is not a good thing.

geargrrl

 

[Reactor]

Kids are an all or nothing experience. If you agree to have them realize you'll have to make a lot of compromises. They'll take precedence over your "me" time, your money, your "us" time. You'll find yourself having to turn down some career opportunities because they are too risky. You'll find your wife and kids have a lot more control over your life than you do.

On the other hand kids can be a great thing. I was initially very afraid of having kids, being physically and mentally abused as a child. Even the thought of having kids filled me with panic. My wife wanted kids and we tried for ten years without much luck. When she finally got pregnant I didn't know what to to. I love my daughter, and she's great. We have fun playing with legos, making dinosaurs with modeling clay, drawing. She even comes out in the garage and "works" on her bike while I work on mine. Having her has really clarified a lot of things, and helped me grow as a person.

What's the answer? Only you can answer.

If you absolutely can't accept kids and the responsibility that goes with them, don't have them. You have a moral responsibility to that child that transcends just about everything else. Either your girlfriend has to accept it, and I mean really accept it not just submit to it, or you should split up. Don't waste her time and yours and don't risk creating another of the legions of "fractured people".

If you just haven't really thought of it, you need to really examine your feelings, and see what you really want out of life. I'm not passing judgement, there are a lot of people not having kids. It lets you have a lifestyle completely different form most people. You can lock the house and travel on a moments notice, you can have material possessions most people won't ever have. And you won't have a third party dictating your actions. In a world already overpopulated it may well be MORE responsible to not have children.

 

[ThePriceSeliger]

Kids are an all or nothing experience. If you agree to have them realize you'll have to make a lot of compromises. They'll take precedence over your "me" time, your money, your "us" time. You'll find yourself having to turn down some career opportunities because they are too risky. You'll find your wife and kids have a lot more control over your life than you do.

On the other hand kids can be a great thing. I was initially very afraid of having kids, being physically and mentally abused as a child. Even the thought of having kids filled me with panic. My wife wanted kids and we tried for ten years without much luck. When she finally got pregnant I didn't know what to to. I love my daughter, and she's great. We have fun playing with legos, making dinosaurs with modeling clay, drawing. She even comes out in the garage and "works" on her bike while I work on mine. Having her has really clarified a lot of things, and helped me grow as a person.

What's the answer? Only you can answer.

If you absolutely can't accept kids and the responsibility that goes with them, don't have them. You have a moral responsibility to that child that transcends just about everything else. Either your girlfriend has to accept it, and I mean really accept it not just submit to it, or you should split up. Don't waste her time and yours and don't risk creating another of the legions of "fractured people".

If you just haven't really thought of it, you need to really examine your feelings, and see what you really want out of life. I'm not passing judgement, there are a lot of people not having kids. It lets you have a lifestyle completely different form most people. You can lock the house and travel on a moments notice, you can have material possessions most people won't ever have. And you won't have a third party dictating your actions. In a world already overpopulated it may well be MORE responsible to not have children.

There is a lot of true in that post. Me; being only 16, want kids when I get married. I'm sure I will change my mind sometimes, and probley change it often. Kids can be a pain in the ass, but you love them.

 

[Velocity Girl]

Ouch...definitely not a fun scenario. I would say think long and hard about, then think about it again. Talk with your GF about it, talk about it again. If you can't come to agreement I think it might be in both of your best interests to find someone else who shares your same feelings. Quite often the kid issue is a deal-breaker (especially for women...definitely is for me because I have NO desire for them). If you think in 5 years you can work your way out of it, remember that accidents happen and then what would you do?

 

[Mike B.]

Definitely work it out now, one way or the other. Go see a couples counselor if necessary.

 

[pterodactyl]

I feel sorry for peope that never had kids, they never will know what it is like to love someone so much and feel the pride and enjoy the sacrifice.

Then again if you don't want em, don't have em.

 

[SkaredShtles]

I feel sorry for peope that never had kids, they never will know what it is like to love someone so much and feel the pride and enjoy the sacrifice.

Alot of people who *do* have kids never know this stuff. Sad but true.

Then again if you don't want em, don't have em.

Very sage advice.

 

[ncrider]

Yeah it's a tough one. We've been talking about it a lot over the last couple months. I think she thought I wasn't really serious at first. Then today we talked about it some more and see even started crying a bit. OUCH. I really can't see myself w/o her, but then again it'd be even more wrong to have children just to stay together.

A secret vasectomy is a great idea.

 

[GravityFreakTJ]

there is people who want kids and those that don't.nothing wrong with either.i salute you for standing up for not having kids.imho its better than having them and not wanting them for the right reasons.

 

[partsbara]

I feel sorry for peope that never had kids, they never will know what it is like to love someone so much and feel the pride and enjoy the sacrifice.

Then again if you don't want em, don't have em.

i feel sorry for people who do have kids... 50% of em are to stupid to even eat correctly, let alone instill decent morals and raise children properly...

who was it that said:

'i was going to either get a dog or have kids, but i couldn t decide whether i wanted to ruin the carpets or ruin my life '

partsbara lining up for a vasectomy soon........

 

[Brian HCM#1]

Just bail, she wants kids, you don't. It's not fair to hold on to her if you have different agendas. You need to let her find someone who also wants kids. At your age I didn't want them either, I had my son @ 33. I didn't think I wanted kids and then Julie got pregnant......Best thing that ever happened to me, now we have 2 of the best kids in the world

 

[I Are Baboon]

I feel sorry for peope that never had kids, they never will know what it is like to love someone so much and feel the pride and enjoy the sacrifice.

Don't feel bad for me. Somehow, I cope.

 

[partsbara]

Don't feel bad for me. Somehow, I cope.

hahahahaaaa... good one... yeah, it s tough... when all the parents around here are tending to their worthless sprogs, the wife and i are off snowboarding in the alps...

 

[Konabumm]

If it makes you feel any better I never wanted kids either. I was just like you, I never ever wanted kids. Now I'm 28 and now I have the most wonderful little boy in the world. I would say wait and see how you feel in a few years.

 

[pterodactyl]

i feel sorry for people who do have kids... 50% of em are to stupid to even eat correctly, let alone instill decent morals and raise children properly...

Yeah, plenty of people should not procreate for a lot of reasons: too selfish, too immature, too irresponsible, too stupid. If you don't want kids, there is no reason why you should have them.

I've been married 10 years, had kids for three of them. Perhaps because of good planning and financial stability, it really has not changed what we do that much. We still travel all over the country and do what we want, it just takes a little more effort. I take more MTB trips than ever.

 

[partsbara]

Yeah, plenty of people should not procreate for a lot of reasons: too selfish, too immature, too irresponsible, too stupid. If you don't want kids, there is no reason why you should have them.

I've been married 10 years, had kids for three of them. Perhaps because of good planning and financial stability, it really has not changed what we do that much. We still travel all over the country and do what we want, it just takes a little more effort. I take more MTB trips than ever.

sounds like you re happy so good for you... seroiusly

file me under all of the above... i m 36 and the wife is 32... i just get sick of hearing the old ' i feel sorry for people without kids' BS routine... trust me, i don t feel sorry for you guys when you have to deal with the myriad of shiat that children bring...

for us it isn t a matter of finances or planning... it s just the fact that neither of us WANT children... personally i d rather chop my pen1s off tonight that deal with kids...

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>you have to deal with the myriad of shiat that children bring...

Literally, mate.

 

[pterodactyl]

The bottom line is, people that don't want kids, like the originator of this thread, should not have kids. You'll end up resenting them or your wife for talking you into it. Resentment is not a good basis for a marriage and it's not fair to the kids.
I would say this topic is a deal breaker for a relationship. Most things you can negotiate over, not this one, tho.

 

[JohnE]

Partsy-
My grommets are not worthless sprogs...I could get at least $50 each on the market for them. Just for that, I should send them your way for a bit!
All kidding aside, I love my guys (All 3 of 'em!) but they do cut down on pedaling time, disposable income, and fantasy sex time with the missus. Wanting vs. not wanting is definitely a make/break issue in a relationship. Either talk her out of them, reconcile yourself to having a couple, or find a new GF.

 

[JohnE]

You know also, at least you are thinking about it, before going out and generating a bunch of new lives. Too many mf'ers are running about making babies and not caring about the ramifications of a new life and all that it entails. Kudos to you for thinking about it first...

 

[Ciaran]

Don't feel bad for me. Somehow, I cope.

Yeah, somehow I think I will be able to muddle through my sad existence.

Conrad, you ask tough questions. I wish I could offer some sagelike advice but this is something where there are sooo many variables. When I was in my mid twenties I absolutely did not want kids. 10 years later and I am thinking that having one, just to mow the lawn (when I get one) would be cool.

Of course you can have one and then sell it to the gypsies if they suck.