[LordOpie]

Have you ever done something you later realized was really very wrong and now have no chance to fix it or at least apologize?

That's happened to me at least three times in my youth and I wouldn't know where to begin to fix my mistake.

I made a mistake in recent times that I can apologize for, but I'm thinking that the apology would simply cause more harm than good. And that the apology would simply make me feel better.

Do I apologize? Or would I just be being selfish?

And yeah, I posted it in PD for a reason.

 

[ohio]

Details? Or a hypothetical example, at least?

 

[kinghami3]

I tried to comment on this last night, but you deleted the thread :mumble: I'm in a very similar situation where I hurt someone that was dear to me. My two options are apologizing, or avoiding any contact with them for a while. I've decided on the second because I've already made a couple attempts at the first, and in my mind it would be too destructive to remain friends with them at the moment. Neither is that great of an option. The problem with apologizing is that it is something that should never have to happen in the first place, but the fact of the matter is that we screw up, and we have to make amends. If you are truly grieving over your mistake, which I'm guessing we both are, then I don't think it can be considered selfish. Sorry for the non-answer, but those are my current thoughts on the matter, and would like to hear some input as well.

 

[dan-o]

Generally speaking, I feel apologies which merely relieve guilt for the apologist while bringing pain upon others should be avoided.

ie: you got loaded and cheated on your SO one night but it was out of character and you feel like crap.

 

[Serial Midget]

Meh - people suck. Learn from your mistakes and do what it takes to be a better person. Killing yourself in the face over something you did as a youth is stupid.

 

[LordOpie]

I tried to comment on this last night, but you deleted the thread :mumble:

oops, sorry about that, decided not to post until I had more time to think about it.


Ohio, check your PM cuz I'd rather not discuss the details in public.

 

[MMike]

What would carson daly do?

 

[kinghami3]

Generally speaking, I feel apologies which merely relieve guilt for the apologist while bringing pain upon others should be avoided.

ie: you got loaded and cheated on your SO one night but it was out of character and you feel like crap.

^^ That's kind of what I've been thinking. It wasn't my SO, but it was definitely out of character for me to do what I did. I would do anything to take it back, but it's been done. Hopefully time heals all wounds.

 

[LordOpie]

Meh - people suck. Learn from your mistakes and do what it takes to be a better person. Killing yourself in the face over something you did as a youth is stupid.

The thing I did was recent, not something 25 years ago.

 

[Echo]

This dude I used to be pretty good friends with annoyed me a few years ago so I just basically started ignoring him. He tried to call me a bunch of times and eventually gave up. I was a total asshole, no question about it. His wife also works in the same building as me, she just gives me dirty looks whenever I see her. Sometimes I think I should apologize, but as you said Opie, I think it would be more so I could feel better about how much of an asshole I was. I'm sure he's over it and could give a f*ck at this point. So I probably won't ever bother. Dunno if that's anything similar to your situation but there it is.

 

[N8 v2.0]

Hey L'Opie... I forgive you man!!!

 

[spincrazy]

I miss the midget.

 

[fluff]

It's hard to give any opinion without knowing why you think an apology may do more harm than good.

 

[MMike]

We Could Make Something Up

 

[kidwoo]

Are you still upset about calling me gay because I said the olsen twins looked like little gum machine trolls?

It's cool man, don't sweat it.

I'm out of the closet now...........everything's fine. I can't hold a grudge.

 

[LordOpie]

It's hard to give any opinion without knowing why you think an apology may do more harm than good.

check PMs.

 

[blt2ride]

If you really think that an apology would do more harm than good, I wouldn’t apology. However, it’s hard for me to think of a situation where an apology wouldn’t help. Unless, this person didn’t know you did something wrong; although, it would give you a chance to make things right.

Tough call…it sounds like you have a lot thinking to do—good luck!

 

[stinkyboy]

Have you ever done something you later realized was really very wrong and now have no chance to fix it or at least apologize?

That's happened to me at least three times in my youth and I wouldn't know where to begin to fix my mistake.

I made a mistake in recent times that I can apologize for, but I'm thinking that the apology would simply cause more harm than good. And that the apology would simply make me feel better.

Do I apologize? Or would I just be being selfish?

And yeah, I posted it in PD for a reason.

You voted Republican?

 

[sanjuro]

I recently apologized to a customer, who brushed me off. I wanted to throw his bike out the door, but I realized he had the option to dismiss my apology.

Now this was over a minor incident (I was rude during a difficult repair, where I should have checked it in), and so I think he was a bit small minded.

But there are things I have done which I cannot apologize for, and I am forced to live with.

For moral people, I think the hardest thing is the wrongs we cannot right, and we have to live with it.

 

[valve bouncer]

Face it, you're a wanker Loopie. The way they fix things here is a big knife in the guts.
*****This thread gets extra points because SM posted in it. How the f*ck are ya pops?

 

[LordOpie]

For moral people, I think the hardest thing is the wrongs we cannot right, and we have to live with it.

what about those instances where one is quite immoral? Like breaking one of the 10 commandments kind of thing?

 

[Changleen]

Opie, you need to PM us all if you want a meaningful contribution. I'm guessing you didn't murder anyone, so it's prolly adultery.

I hope you had a good orgasm.

 

[valve bouncer]

what about those instances where one is quite immoral? Like breaking one of the 10 commandments kind of thing?

For f*cks sake mate, don't be so coy, the 10 Commandments? WTF- if you coveted your neighbours wife I might just be able to find room in my heart to forgive you. If you killed someone then I'd take it case by case.....

 

[BurlyShirley]

Yeah ope, I have no fvcking clue what you're talking about man.

 

[LordOpie]

I'm not looking for y'alls forgiveness but yeah, "coveted your neighbours wife" kind of thing. I'd like to apologize to my neighbor.

Won't you be my neighbor?

 

[Changleen]

Your other option is to embrace Satanism, of course.

 

[LordOpie]

You're such a dumbass... I'm a jew. Satan is one of our heros. Learn before you speak again.

Wait, maybe I'm thinking of Judas?

 

[Changleen]

I'm a jew. Satan is one of our heros.

That's nearly sig-worthy!

 

[Jr_Bullit]

It depends on the person -

Did you offend a person who is a hopeless passive aggressive individual, who is uncomfortable with straight, blunt honesty?
Did you offend someone who can handle a straightforward conversation and will actually talk to you?

Two personal examples: I was raised by a passive aggressive parent who believes firmly that she is open and honest. As a result she gives mixed signals to everyone and can come across as dishonest, or disliking, or disapproving, or scary (to me at least).
My partner/best friend/etc comes from a family so straight forward and honest that sometimes I just stand around, arms crossed, trying hard not to look anyone in the eye because I'm intimidated by the honesty-to-the-point-of-scary/rude...

There's a middle ground - I had to learn it the hard way and I had a good mentor work with me on it...it's still really tough for me to walk up to someone, anyone, and say, "hey, I screwed up, here's why. I don't know how you're feeling or why you're feeling, but I know how I'd feel if you did what I did to me. I want to make it work out, and I know it may take some time. Please know that I'm sorry; very, very sorry and I hope in the future you'll understand that and can talk to me."

Leave the doors open, and walk away quietly - don't be pushy, don't force your apology, just say you're sorry and you understand if they never want to discuss it again. If you're non-aggressive about it, and they understand that it's tearing you up, then you're good. Just don't expect forgiveness or immediate reconciliation.

All the above of course is said without a clue as to the situation, so good luck in whatever it is!

 

[Jr_Bullit]

Oh ya - my other reaction to your post: suck it up princess - you did something that made someone else feel so bad that you're able to understand it without being told - maybe it happened just so you could learn from it and grow as a person?

 

[Serial Midget]

Trying to cut back on the beer... seems like everyones got a cell phone camera these days. Warms me tired old heart that you remember! :love:

Face it, you're a wanker Loopie. The way they fix things here is a big knife in the guts.
*****This thread gets extra points because SM posted in it. How the f*ck are ya pops?

 

[fluff]

check PMs.

Ditto dude.

We all fvck up.