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I had no idea how truly hairy my own butt was

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,417
1
Oz
So for reasons related to being single I've been a lot more diligent/creative with my manscaping as of late.

Went for a big run tonight, and decided it was time to shave the undercarriage and up the back nine.

Sweet jesus, I'm a hairy bastard. I was in the shower for the better part of 45 minutes, must have reapplied shave cream nine different times to each region.

Not sure why I'm sharing this with you, but sometime try shaving your own back door. I think you'll be amazed and mortified.
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,417
1
Oz
I think I just got bored in the shower. But sweet jeebus, there was a lot of man fur back there.

I've had a manzillian once. Painful, but did do the job for a good long time.
 

dump

Turbo Monkey
Oct 12, 2001
5,867
687
So for reasons related to being single I've been a lot more diligent/creative with my manscaping as of late.

Went for a big run tonight, and decided it was time to shave the undercarriage and up the back nine.

Sweet jesus, I'm a hairy bastard. I was in the shower for the better part of 45 minutes, must have reapplied shave cream nine different times to each region.

Not sure why I'm sharing this with you, but sometime try shaving your own back door. I think you'll be amazed and mortified.
watch this:
http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,222
90
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
beware

STOP! Before you do, read this. You may change your mind.

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.

Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with somepaper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I
thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poop -molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poop/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there
and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally
reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.

As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poop blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks.

Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't
enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad.

Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends-DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
 

jonKranked

Press Button, Receive Stupid
Nov 10, 2005
62,637
8,777
media blackout
So for reasons related to being single I've been a lot more diligent/creative with my manscaping as of late.

Went for a big run tonight, and decided it was time to shave the undercarriage and up the back nine.

Sweet jesus, I'm a hairy bastard. I was in the shower for the better part of 45 minutes, must have reapplied shave cream nine different times to each region.

Not sure why I'm sharing this with you, but sometime try shaving your own back door. I think you'll be amazed and mortified.
Translation: "I've decided to be gay-for-pay."
 

Total Heckler

Beer and Bike Enthusiast
Apr 28, 2005
8,082
18
Santa Cruz, CA
So for reasons related to being single I've been a lot more diligent/creative with my manscaping as of late.

Went for a big run tonight, and decided it was time to shave the undercarriage and up the back nine.

Sweet jesus, I'm a hairy bastard. I was in the shower for the better part of 45 minutes, must have reapplied shave cream nine different times to each region.

Not sure why I'm sharing this with you, but sometime try shaving your own back door. I think you'll be amazed and mortified.
Ian:

Check this place out: http://manzilian.com/

I'm not saying I've gone to her before...

...but I've gone to her before. Super professional, not too expensive, and she does a great job.

The wife was happy.

Knowing and meeting both of you guys, I am kind of freaked out.

I'm cool with doing my own manscaping. No need for rear end work on myself, that's strictly business only, not pleasure.
 

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
16,837
4,310
Nowhere Man!
Being blessed by my Irish heritage and the extra steps up the evolutionary ladder that it affords me I am basically hairless and very smart when I am sober. Thanks Jeebus!
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
39,558
6,217
Sleazattle
Being blessed by my Irish heritage and the extra steps up the evolutionary ladder that it affords me I am basically hairless and very smart when I am sober. Thanks Jeebus!

My Brittish heritage has blessed me with appropriate levels of bodyhair and access to cheap Irish labor.
 

Prettym1k3

Turbo Monkey
Aug 21, 2006
2,867
0
In your pants
Knowing and meeting both of you guys, I am kind of freaked out.

I'm cool with doing my own manscaping. No need for rear end work on myself, that's strictly business only, not pleasure.
You'd be surprised how many clean-wipers I've had since going to this waxing chick, man.

I think I've gained at least a few hours of free-time by not having to wipe a dozen times. :D
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,417
1
Oz
Like I said, I was bored and had just got home from a run. Something about running with a lot less hair down there, like today, was a lot better. Less what feels like ripping, though I know its just hair sticking together.

And if I ever wanted to get my salad tossed, I wouldn't want to get the jelly dingle berries, would I?
 

Serial Midget

Al Bundy
Jun 25, 2002
12,867
1,678
Fort of Rio Grande
I read your reviews on-line. Do people really love you that much?
Lets put it this way, I’ve seen grown men cry.

You sure it’s not because you just ripped hair from their testicles?
Touché

Ian:

Check this place out: http://manzilian.com/

I'm not saying I've gone to her before...

...but I've gone to her before. Super professional, not too expensive, and she does a great job.

The wife was happy.
 

TheTruth

Turbo Monkey
Jun 15, 2009
3,903
1
I'm waving. Can you see me now?
person: hey, what have you been doing on the internet?

RM user: Oh, you know, just browsing the lounge on ridemonkey.

Person: what's on there?

RM user: I was just looking at this thread about this guys hairy ass.

Person: what?

RM user: gay for pay?

Person: what?

RM user: ...what?

Person: Your really weird, I am never talking to you again. Excuse me, I have to take some pills so I can forget about this conversation and hopefully you.
 
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greenhood

Turbo Monkey
Jun 12, 2006
1,085
0
SEATTLE-MINNEAPOLIS
Like I said, I was bored and had just got home from a run. Something about running with a lot less hair down there, like today, was a lot better. Less what feels like ripping, though I know its just hair sticking together.

And if I ever wanted to get my salad tossed, I wouldn't want to get the jelly dingle berries, would I?
Oh no you didnt...
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: