[dh girlie]

I was folding some laundry on the dresser right under the window that faces the front yard the other day...I see this truck stop in front of my house and this thug lookin mother f'er get out and start heading up my driveway...the truck leaves and turns down the street. I made eye contact with the dude and he just kept walking up my driveway...so I was wondering if he was gonna ring the doorbell and I was looking out the window for him and couldn't see him...I couldn't even see him near the lemon tree that is in front...so I go outside and I see the guy walking down my driveway with a bunch of lemons! I was like can I help you! and he was like just getting some lemons...I was like well next time ASK...I don't want people just coming onto my property and stealing my lemons! I don't mind sharing...hell I would have never known but the f^cker was so blatant about making eye contact with me through the window and just f'n helpin himself to my goddamn meyer lemons! And whats creepy is...he wasn't even near the lemon tree when I looked out the window...he was like in my alcove by the front door! WTF! Man I need one of those shotguns that's like hand gun...

 

[narlus]

he was after yr pink hubs. the lemons were just a decoy for reconnaissance.

meyer lemons:

 

[H8R]

He didn't get tore up from the thorns on the myer lemon tree? I have to wear my elkskin welding gloves when I pick lemons at my house. All the lemons grow near the middle of the tree and it's like reaching into a bag of angry cats.

 

[JRB]

Sounds creepy.

 

[dh girlie]

he was after yr pink hubs. the lemons were just a decoy for reconnaissance.

meyer lemons:

Yeah they're a buck fitty in the store! He looked more the type that if he were to steal a bike, he wouldn't know the pink hubs were worth anything and probably sell the whole bike for a rock...bastard! Pissed me off! Plus, the gardner said when you pick the lemons, you do NOT pick them...you CUT them...otherwise that part of the tree will not fruit again...kinda like cutting roses under a five leaf pattern...still pisses me off that the f&cker was so blatant to make eye contact...even if he woulda waved and asked I would have said yeah but don't make it a habit of coming onto my property and taking em...:mumble:

 

[Westy]

It was really H8R stalking you.

 

[dh girlie]

He didn't get tore up from the thorns on the myer lemon tree? I have to wear my elkskin welding gloves when I pick lemons at my house. All the lemons grow near the middle of the tree and it's like reaching into a bag of angry cats.

Oh no...there are plenty of lemons on the outskirts as well...pretty mature full tree...more like a big bush...huh huh...I said big bush...

 

[JRB]

Oh no...there are plenty of lemons on the outskirts as well...pretty mature full tree...more like a big bush...huh huh...I said big bush...

Please tell us you trim the hedge.

 

[H8R]

It was really H8R stalking you.

Bah!

I NEVER make eye contact...

 

[Brian HCM#1]

Damn Lisa, those lemons would go nice in that vodka you brought me

 

[H8R]

Oh no...there are plenty of lemons on the outskirts as well...pretty mature full tree...more like a big bush...huh huh...I said big bush...

Yep, kind of a tree/shrub/bush thing. Like a big ball of thorny death.

 

[dh girlie]

Damn Lisa, those lemons would go nice in that vodka you brought me

Ohhh DAYYYUMMM...I wish I would have thought of that because let me tell you...they make a mighty tasty lemon drop...and Ciroc works great for lemon drops! Sorry, B...I will bring some to Northstar...these lemons are the KIND!

 

[dh girlie]

Yep, kind of a tree/shrub/bush thing. Like a big ball of thorny death.

Last year I came home to find my tree completely RAPED of lemons...I mean TONS of lemons...every last one of them GONE...I was flippin out thinking who the hell would have the balls to trespass and STEAL my lemons? Every damn one of em! So I'm thinking about what I should do...and it's like really...what can I do? nothing...so my bloods boiling over this for weeks and my sister calls...tells me oh yeah...Steve and Maddy (her husband and my niece) came to pick some lemons from your tree for Maddy to do a lemonade stand...I was like he took every f'n lemon! Fuggin idiot, my sisters husband...even in the middle of the tree...I felt better since it was family, but still...

Man that lemon tree is just a source of anger and stress for me...I need a ciroc lemon drop!

 

[H8R]

Ohhh DAYYYUMMM...I wish I would have thought of that because let me tell you...they make a mighty tasty lemon drop...and Ciroc works great for lemon drops! Sorry, B...I will bring some to Northstar...these lemons are the KIND!

We've lived in this house since October, and we have had meyer lemon roasted chicken, meyer lemon tarts, meyer lemon marinated salmon, etc.

The lemonade stand is gonna ROCK this summer.

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip> Man I need one of those shotguns that's like hand gun...

"Pistol-grip pump on mah lap at all times!"

-S.S.-

 

[H8R]

..Steve and Maddy (her husband and my niece) came to pick some lemons from your tree for Maddy to do a lemonade stand...I was like he took every f'n lemon! Fuggin idiot, my sisters husband...even in the middle of the tree...I felt better since it was family, but still...

Man that lemon tree is just a source of anger and stress for me...I need a ciroc lemon drop!

I would have tossed him into the tree. He would have came out with a pint less of blood.

 

[dh girlie]

We've lived in this house since October, and we have had meyer lemon roasted chicken, meyer lemon tarts, meyer lemon marinated salmon, etc.

The lemonade stand is gonna ROCK this summer.

I went to this ultra swanky martini bar and they had strawberry infused vodka and lemonade...god those were good...I think that is the cocktail of choice this summer...I'll get some strawburrries from the guy in the bank parking lot and make meyer lemonade...

 

[dh girlie]

"Pistol-grip pump on mah lap at all times!"

-S.S.-

Yes! That's it...pistol grip shotgun...even a phony one...cha chick...put down the lemons, son...step of my property real slow and don't ever come back...

 

[douglas]

Man that lemon tree is just a source of anger and stress for me...I need a ciroc lemon drop!

want to borrow my chainsaw?

 

[dh girlie]

I would have tossed him into the tree. He would have came out with a pint less of blood.

If I were there I would have...he could've left me a COUPLE of damn lemons!

 

[dh girlie]

want to borrow my chainsaw?

To cut down the lemon tree? Hell no...that'd be like cutting off my nose to spite my face...then I wouldn't be able to enjoy the lemons and share them those near and dear to me...I wouldn't mind having it to chase the thug lemon thieves off my property, though...

 

[Westy]

Set up a sprinkler near the tree connected to a motion detector. Cost you about 50$ at Lowes. Will keep away all but the most serious lemon thieves.

 

[dh girlie]

Set up a sprinkler near the tree connected to a motion detector. Cost you about 50$ at Lowes. Will keep away all but the most serious lemon thieves.

hmmmm...good idea...but its by the driveway and the walkway to the front of the house...so anyone going to the front door or pulling into the driveway will get squirted...the mail man would be pissed...

 

[jacksonpt]

did he have cornrows?

 

[JRB]

This little old lady came down to tell us one of the trucks we were loading cows on, ran over her mailbox. She was just down to pick plums.

 

[F.O.G]

You can rig a shotgun up with rock salt pretty easy.......I will keep him from ever coming back.

 

[clancy98]

my apartment is infested with koala bears....

 

[JRB]

You could just stop whining about it. We don't care about your lemons.

 

[H8R]

Side note:

On the last issue of "Bust" magazine, Amy Sedaris (Strangers With Candy) is on the cover. She used the cut-off ends of lemons stuffed in her top as prosthetic nipples. RAD.

 

[Westy]

Side note:

On the last issue of "Bust" magazine, Amy Sedaris (Strangers With Candy) is on the cover. She used the cut-off ends of lemons stuffed in her top as prosthetic nipples. RAD.

A sprinkle of powdered sugar and that would be a tasty clean up.

 

[narlus]

amy sedaris rocks.

 

[punkassean]

Whenever I see a fruit tree in someone's front yard that has an abundance of fruit on it I scavenge some. Especially if there is fruit on the ground since that tells me the owner of said tree isn't too worried about it. I do however try to be sly about it and not be seen and if I were seen I would surely ask. If the tree branches hang over a fence on to the sidewalk though you are allowed to legally snatch some goods so in that case I just snatch and grab.

 

[dh girlie]

Whenever I see a fruit tree in someone's front yard that has an abundance of fruit on it I scavenge some. Especially if there is fruit on the ground since that tells me the owner of said tree isn't too worried about it. I do however try to be sly about it and not be seen and if I were seen I would surely ask. If the tree branches hang over a fence on to the sidewalk though you are allowed to legally snatch some goods so in that case I just snatch and grab.

There was no froooot on the ground...he should've asked...bastard...I woulda given him some...it was his dickness that really got to me...

 

[H8R]

.it was his dickness that really got to me...

Do you even proofread your posts? You offer up gems like these all the time.

This one's a pumpkin over homeplate if I ever saw it.

 

[GumbaFish]

Just do what my grandfather did...He got so freakin' sick of people taking his lemons he grafted parts from an orange tree onto it. Now when it is grafted they all kind of look alike, its very hard to tell them apart. The lemons still tasted good, but the oranges tasted like ****, and only he knew which ones were which. So when scavengers came they usually got the oranges and promptly spit them out and left. On a side note if people he didn't like asked him for lemons he gave them the crappy oranges haha, what a crafty old man. If that doesn't work build a pit with spikes surrounding the tree, or hang a ****load of bells on the tree so people trying to take lemons will make all kinds of noise.

 

[JRB]

Do you even proofread your posts? You offer up gems like these all the time.

This one's a pumpkin over homeplate if I ever saw it.

I kind of thought that dickness was something she was always in search of. El Jefe, front and center por favor.

 

[JRB]

Just do what my grandfather did...He got so freakin' sick of people taking his lemons he grafted parts from an orange tree onto it. Now when it is grafted they all kind of look alike, its very hard to tell them apart. The lemons still tasted good, but the oranges tasted like ****, and only he knew which ones were which. So when scavengers came they usually got the oranges and promptly spit them out and left. On a side note if people he didn't like asked him for lemons he gave them the crappy oranges haha, what a crafty old man. If that doesn't work build a pit with spikes surrounding the tree, or hang a ****load of bells on the tree so people trying to take lemons will make all kinds of noise.

I call BS. There is no way in hell he knew which was which, if they were different. I hope the horticulture expert, Wumpus, will chime in.

 

[H8R]

Just do what my grandfather did...He got so freakin' sick of people taking his lemons he grafted parts from an orange tree onto it. Now when it is grafted they all kind of look alike, its very hard to tell them apart. The lemons still tasted good, but the oranges tasted like ****, and only he knew which ones were which. So when scavengers came they usually got the oranges and promptly spit them out and left. On a side note if people he didn't like asked him for lemons he gave them the crappy oranges haha, what a crafty old man. If that doesn't work build a pit with spikes surrounding the tree, or hang a ****load of bells on the tree so people trying to take lemons will make all kinds of noise.

Meyer lemons are a hybrid of lemons with some orange in there somewhere. They have a milder taste than straight lemons.

Best thing to do is wear a leather jumpsuit and hide inside the lemon bush. Then when the theif shows up, jump out hack his hands off with an old rusty machete. Yeah.

 

[GumbaFish]

Well he knew which ones were which because he knew the tree was grafted and which parts were grafted..thus he knew which tasted like lemons and which ones were the crappy tasting oranges.

 

[Westy]

Just inject half the Lemons with gasoline and paint the stems with mercury fulminate. The process of picking the lemons will ignite the mercury fulminate and turn the lemon and the lemon thief into a flaming ball of fiery fire.