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I need help with a retort.

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,207
105
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
I was on the receiving end of a "burn" yesterday.

Matty: "Hey Mike, where'd you get that?"
Me: "Get what?"
Matty: "That stupid look on your face!"

I've yet to come up with a good comeback for that. The delivery was flawless, and there was an audience. Ninja-like execution in every way.

I'm at a loss as to how to exact verbal vengeance.
 

kingbee

Monkey
Mar 29, 2004
902
0
Ohio
This is the first thing that came to my mind.

From Tommy Boy
"Listen up you little spazoids, I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you!"
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,022
3
Denver
Your mother sat on my face.

(great one from "Catch me if you can")

Knock Knock
Who's there?

Go fock yourself.
 

sunny

Grammar Civil Patrol
Jul 2, 2004
1,107
0
Sandy Eggo, CA
I was on the receiving end of a "burn" yesterday.

Matty: "Hey Mike, where'd you get that?"
Me: "Get what?"
Matty: "That stupid look on your face!"

I've yet to come up with a good comeback for that. The delivery was flawless, and there was an audience. Ninja-like execution in every way.

I'm at a loss as to how to exact verbal vengeance.
How about: "Dude! You mean I've got it? I've been studying you for days to perfect the stupid look. Thanks. :)"
Then if you have a heckler...
"No, yours is more of a 'clueless' than 'stupid' look. It's a nuance, I know, but I'm working on it."
 

Jeremy R

<b>x</b>
Nov 15, 2001
9,698
1,053
behind you with a snap pop
"Matty?
Odd choice for a straight man.
Actual men go by Matt."


This must be said totally smuggish and absolutely prickish without the hint of a grin. Something tells me you can pull it off.
 

CrabJoe StretchPants

Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick
Nov 30, 2003
14,163
2,484
Groton, MA
Matty: "Hey Mike, where'd you get that?"
Me: "Get what?"
Matty: "That stupid look on your face!"
*Cross eyes, look down at the tip of your nose and start swatting at your face while yelling "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"*


That's what I would have done. If I was feeling extra spry I would try to take out a water cooler in the process.
 

HAB

Chelsea from Seattle
Apr 28, 2007
11,580
2,005
Seattle
Mike: What's the difference between your mother, and a mallard with a cold?
Matty: I don't know.
Mike: One's a sick duck, and I don't know the rest, but your mother's a whore.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,022
3
Denver
Matty: "Hey Mike, where'd you get that?"
Me: "Get what?"
Matty: "That stupid look on your face!"
Me: "I'm Canadian."
 

skinny mike

Turbo Monkey
Jan 24, 2005
6,415
0
I was on the receiving end of a "burn" yesterday.

Matty: "Hey Mike, where'd you get that?"
Me: "Get what?"
Matty: "That stupid look on your face!"

I've yet to come up with a good comeback for that. The delivery was flawless, and there was an audience. Ninja-like execution in every way.

I'm at a loss as to how to exact verbal vengeance.
when nerds fight...
 

OGRipper

back alley ripper
Feb 3, 2004
10,647
1,116
NORCAL is the hizzle
"Dude, that's amazing! You just put your foot in your mouth even though your head is up your ass!! Nice work!!!"


(Then see who has a stupid look on their face.)
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
54,232
20,016
Sleazattle
I'm the only nerd in the fight. He's a painter in the shop...
Forget about it. You will never win with someone in the shop. They are willing to escalate farther than you can.

Actually I take that back, get him real good, put dykem blue all over his stuff.