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"I'm not supposed to use my deleted items folder..."

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Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
So I come in this morning to see two of my four computers having issues. One Blue Screen of Death. The other just won't start.

I address the dead one first. I assume it's a powersupply issue, so I open it up on my desk to swap out the PS. My boss walks in and asks what's up. Then he begins to poke around the inside.

No, literally. He sticks his finger in the computer and starts POKING stuff. He POKES the CPU fan and says, "well, that's not running so it must be the problem."

WTF?

There's no PS in the case, so how could it be running to begin with?
Ahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!! That's awesome. I'm pretty positive that when my office move happens, I'll have some solid gold stories like this.....
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
This seemed like a good enough as any place to put this....

So I do in-house production work and some graphics stuff occasionally...Every now and then we need to outsource some stuff for an oversized lamination or mounting, etc. etc. etc.

I walk the 4 blocks to the nearest downtown Kinko's...While standing at the counter having my project quoted, this guy comes up to the other register and the ensuing conversation takes place:

Kinko's Chick (KC): "How may I help you?"
Suit Dude (SD): "Yeah, I've got these two color charts."
(Puts 1 8.5x11 sheet of paper on counter, double sided)
KC: "Okay. What do you need?"
SD: "I need a double sided transparency made."
KC: "Uhh....a double sided color copy?!?"
SD: "No. A double sided transparency."
KC: "That's not possible."
SD: "Yes. It is. I was just at the meeting where I saw one made of this very page."
KC: "Are you sure it wasn't two transparencies laid over top of each other?"
SD: "I know what I saw. I need a double sided transparency."
KC: "But you won't be able to tell which side is which...that's why it's a transparency."
SD: "I know exactly why it's a transparency...and I want it double sided like I saw it in the meeting."
KC: "Okay."



I have to go back today to pick up my project...I'm going to ask if that guy came back wondering why he couldn't read sh*t on his transparency....
 

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
21,660
410
NC
Bwahaha...

I was in a Calc. class where we were doing small group projects, the result of which was drawn on a transparency and put up on the screen for the rest of the class today.

One girl was extremely self-conscious about her work, convinced it was terrible (which, well, it was). We had to put our names on the work so we'd get credit for it, but she didn't want the class to see which one was hers. So... she wrote her name on the back of the transparency.

:clapping:
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
So our company recently co-located with our sister company in a brand new office. The logistics of this were off the charts retah-ded. Sh*t is still FUBAR.

Anyway, in order to maintain some resemblance of order and continuity, my department (Let's call it Company X, which is larger and more advanced than our counterparts at Company Y) decided to operate "business as usual" and make things work.

A short time later, a process was called into question by Company Y's people. Long meetings ensued and the process was completely changed. Basically, the one knock on the current system was that calls after a certain time would go to a national number and not be dealt with until the morning. So they decided on a central "home-office" number.

The new person heading this process (not me anymore) came to me and asked if there should be a voicemail box attached to the number.....

I blankly stared at her for a few moments....just to see if she was indeed being serious. Then I said, "If there's no voicemail, it would be worse than if it was left with national..." And I walked away.

I just know I'm going to be the one dealing with the nuclear sh*tstorm that's going to be dropped back in my lap in 6 months when everyone decideds that she can't hack it.

Fortunately, I'm not worried about burning bridges with my Company Y counterparts. I'm gonna see how badly I can screw with them...
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
The digital press operator insisted that you couldn't scale jobs to a specific percentage. I had to show him how. He got defensive, "where'd you find that?!"

My boss is trying to sell the company *fingers.crossed*
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
The digital press operator insisted that you couldn't scale jobs to a specific percentage. I had to show him how. He got defensive, "where'd you find that?!"
My boss is trying to sell the company *fingers.crossed*
But....he....and....the.........wha.......


I would go bat-sh*t crazy jiujitsu style over stuff like that. I got some flak to deal with...but that's nutz.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
I would go bat-sh*t crazy jiujitsu style over stuff like that. I got some flak to deal with...but that's nutz.
my co-workers hate me.

My boss complained that the new work flow system is too complex because he wanted to make a change on a job, walked to my desk, and had to walk back to his desk to get the Work Order cuz I asked him what the Project Number was.

My boss exchanged several PRIVATE emails with various people about buying his company... over the general email account. (yes, everyone saw the replies as they came back in)
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
my co-workers hate me.

My boss complained that the new work flow system is too complex because he wanted to make a change on a job, walked to my desk, and had to walk back to his desk to get the Work Order cuz I asked him what the Project Number was.

My boss exchanged several PRIVATE emails with various people about buying his company... over the general email account. (yes, everyone saw the replies as they came back in)
Yup. We've been on our current system for 6 years (web-based work order system)....still get people complaining that it's too complex...It's checkboxes with a few drop down menus!!!!

Then again, we still have peeps that print out a Word doc, make hand written changes to said doc, scan the changed hard copy into the system and ask us to edit the original word doc according to the scanned handwritten changes....

^ That one really cooks me...every time...
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,971
20
Then again, we still have peeps that print out a Word doc, make hand written changes to said doc, scan the changed hard copy into the system and ask us to edit the original word doc according to the scanned handwritten changes....

^ That one really cooks me...every time...
OCR bro. OCR.
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
OCR bro. OCR.
If you can find an OCR program that reads minds, I'm all over it...

There's no way for OCR to come even close to accurately placing whacky cursive written with arrows pointing to paragraphs that are at least 5 inches away...it would create more of a headache than just manually doing it. Fortunately, we approached the office head and showed her exactly what these twits were doing and said that it was a waste of our limited resources. She agreed to our position that we would no longer do that type of crap. People bitched to us, we sent them to her, SMACK DOWN. Every now and then a newbie tries it....we all have a good laugh and point at them. Good times....good times.
 

SK6

Turbo Monkey
Jul 10, 2001
7,596
0
Shut up and ride...
Just to drop yet another HUGE point, a document retention policy must be in place, especially with emails. In litigation, even your home computer is subject to discovery. This means forget about the 2-3 gig PST files, they'll court order your PC/MAC/Desktop.

The point is, I have dealt with, processed, exported, imported, mangled reviewed, TIFF converted, PDF converted, produced PST and NSF's.

So for all my fellow tech folks, use HTML email accounts and web based email. Considerably more difficult to produce. More especially at work. I set up my spam blocker to block all of my family accounts as well as my own accounts as not to have any relationship with those emails with ANYTHING work related.

Just a thought.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
That's the problem...most of the peeps doing this *are* the bosses...and their assistants are on vacation...
I hear what you're saying, "assistants", really, I do.

But if their editing text in an established layout, well, there isn't any much more simple than that on the planet.

If I had to guess, it was a CYA... they claim you screwed up the edit if something goes wrong.
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
I hear what you're saying, "assistants", really, I do.

But if their editing text in an established layout, well, there isn't any much more simple than that on the planet.

If I had to guess, it was a CYA... they claim you screwed up the edit if something goes wrong.
Bingo.

When it takes longer to fill out the request than to type a few sentences...you know something is up...
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
co-worker: I want to change the default printer, how do I do that?

*we walk over to his computer so I can show him so when he changes his mind, he can do it himself*

me: go to 'printers and faxes'... oh, you have that open already (I think to myself, 'you couldn't take it from there?') Ok, right click the printer you want to set as default.

him: which printer is that?

me: the one you want to regularly print to?

him: ok, I think this is it.

me: ok, right click it. (he does) choose 'set as default'.

him: choose what?

me: second choice.

him: this?

me: no, that's the third choice.

him: this?

me: no that's the first choice.

him: ok... *click*

me: you just opened it to view spooled print status.

him: what?

me: uhh, nevermind, close that... right-click again. Choose the second choice which says, "Set as Default Printer"... no, next one down.

him: oh! ok. ... now what?
 

BadDNA

hophead
Mar 31, 2006
4,176
114
Winning.
I'd go insane if I had to deal with people like that still. I'm so glad i have the helpdesk between them and me now.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
so...

My wife and I are at a midwife appointment today, afterwards we get lunch... due to doctor delays and such, I'm gone from work for two hours.

I get in my car, there's a voicemail...

coworker said:
Hey Steve, we were wondering what you plan was this afternoon. We'd like to get some work done.
Go ahead, re-read that quote... I'll wait.

No no, that's exactly what was said.

FVCK YOU! Dumbass co-workers. Apparently, there was an issue with a project -- a logo needed to be deleted from a certificate and then re-plated. If you understand what I just wrote, you realize that this is an easy fix and print. One of the CSRs is supposed to back me up -- very easy changes and able to plate. Said co-worker is the one who called me.

I told co-worker that I was annoyed by the voice mail. If I was unreliable and/or didn't get my work done, fine.

But I stayed late today (5pm!) and now have a total of one hour's worth of work in my in-box.

God I hate my job and co-workers.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
So, one of my sales reps cares so little about his clients that he's okay with a typo in the client's logo... yes, the company's name is misspelled!

We received PDFs, so don't go thinking I did that :D
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
Feel free to use this exact phrase where you all work, pander, etc.

"Arbitrary deadlines that are set without my consultation are NOT my responsibility."


Backstory:
Job comes in. Takes me 20 (yes...2-0) hours just to produce on a machine that is a rockstar. That's almost three full days of my time, disregarding all 450 other people I serve....Peep comes down, "Where's my job? We need it tomorrow afternoon."

"I'm not even finished printing it yet. It'll go out tomorrow, late morning to be finished...a job of this size, I'd guess a 72 hour turn around time....sooooo....Monday afternoon it'll be back."

"Well, we're billing the client for this and we told them it would be done tomorrow."

"I got this job 3 days ago. It's been running ever since. Why was I not told about this sooner?"

"Well....ummm.....are you sure it's going to be Monday?"

"Yes. Arbitrary deadlines that are set without my consultation are NOT my responsibility."

"Umm....uhhh...ummm....uh.....get it done as soon as possible..."

*Walks away*

Freakin' idiots....
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
Idiots.

But hey, if they had consulted you and you said it was physically impossible to run the machine faster than it can go, they probably would've wanted you to run it for 20 straight hours and asked you to stay overnight.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
So we ran out of large poster material six days ago. Ten days ago I told my boss verbally that we were running out, seven days ago I sent him an email. Today he walks into my office, "Oh, we're out completely? ... Usually, you give me a 3-4 day notice and I typically ignore your first request."

:banghead:
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
Lotus Notes blowz.

I have this error that keeps popping up whenever I:

a.) Try to send a freshly composed e-mail.
b.) Try to reply to any e-mail.
c.) Try to mark e-mails that are 2 years old as "Read".

There's an error log report that is created everytime something occurs, and the admins keep doing exactly what it specifies they should but the same error keeps popping up even after the "fix"...

They reinstalled yesterday (took 3 hours cause it had to d'l 7,000 updates from a server in Iowa or something.)....opened a new e-mail to get an order done....Crash....

There was talk about going to Outlook about 2 years ago. Still hasn't happened.....maybe this'll be the straw....:lighten:
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,971
20
Lotus Notes blowz.

I have this error that keeps popping up whenever I:

a.) Try to send a freshly composed e-mail.
b.) Try to reply to any e-mail.
c.) Try to mark e-mails that are 2 years old as "Read".

There's an error log report that is created everytime something occurs, and the admins keep doing exactly what it specifies they should but the same error keeps popping up even after the "fix"...

They reinstalled yesterday (took 3 hours cause it had to d'l 7,000 updates from a server in Iowa or something.)....opened a new e-mail to get an order done....Crash....

There was talk about going to Outlook about 2 years ago. Still hasn't happened.....maybe this'll be the straw....:lighten:
http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/thunderbird/

:D
 

Arkayne

I come bearing GIFs
May 10, 2005
3,745
13
SoCal
I work in IT so I can relate. This was last week working with the top dog of the place... seriously.


How do I sync my iPod?
Where is your iPod?
It's in my bag.
*stare*

He pulled the iPod out of his bag, plugged it in, and there you go. He's had it for the past 3 years and regularly sync's it. I guess that's why these guys hire IT, so they don't have to think.
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
As long as it's vetted by corporate IT for a 60,000 person company and won't crash any of our other programs, I'm all for it.

Funny anecdote: Our co-location has provided an interesting twist. Our sister company is on Outlook, we're on Notes. Neither one of us can blast-o-gram the entire office because the address books and groups, etc. aren't even close to compatible....so I now usually get 4-10 emails about the same thing....just in case I didn't get it from the last person to blast it to our company. Which, in turn, makes my Notes crash more. It's awesome.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
1
Denver
So the digital operator here tells me that the DocuColor 5000 needs service, but the owner hasn't paid the bills in a few months and our service calls got suspended pending payment.

Yippie!