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I'm trying to get laid off...

Ithnu

Monkey
Jul 16, 2007
965
0
Denver
So everyone's bored with their jobs, I've been bored for years. Lately I've realized not only do I have no further career where I am but the industry (defense contract aerospace) is slowly dying. That and my boss threw me under boss somthin' fierce last fall. If I quit I don't get unemployment and I don't have another job lined up right now. So I need to be laid off. That way I'll have a few months to find a new job and still be able to pay the bills.

A company as big as where I work it takes some serious creativity. I've done nothing to be fired and I've even had great yearly reviews in the past so I'm in a strange spot as I'm technically a good employee.

Anyone else been in this position? Any good ideas on how to get laid off without being fired?

Also hilarious office prank stories are welcome as well.
 

wiscodh

Monkey
Jun 21, 2007
778
82
303
So everyone's bored with their jobs, I've been bored for years. Lately I've realized not only do I have no further career where I am but the industry (defense contract aerospace) is slowly dying. That and my boss threw me under boss somthin' fierce last fall. If I quit I don't get unemployment and I don't have another job lined up right now. So I need to be laid off. That way I'll have a few months to find a new job and still be able to pay the bills.

A company as big as where I work it takes some serious creativity. I've done nothing to be fired and I've even had great yearly reviews in the past so I'm in a strange spot as I'm technically a good employee.

Anyone else been in this position? Any good ideas on how to get laid off without being fired?

Also hilarious office prank stories are welcome as well.
you are in engineering right? decent demand for engineering right now. Harden the **** up buttercup and look for a job on your spare time, not my dime.
 

ALEXIS_DH

Tirelessly Awesome
Jan 30, 2003
5,307
129
Lima, Peru, Peru
even if you are desmotivated... its better to do a barely acceptable job, than to get laid off.
keep working while looking for another job. it shouldnt take more than 4 months to find a good one.

if you quit without having anything lined up, you will put pressure in yourself to find a job soon; and will probably have to settle for something less than optimal.

if you have a job and time (the upper hand), your chances of finding a better job increase.
 

Ithnu

Monkey
Jul 16, 2007
965
0
Denver
I've definitely lost my motivation so productivity is down. I'm not sure how a massive hang over would go over on a regular basis. Might be worth a shot.
 

Pesqueeb

bicycle in airplane hangar
Feb 2, 2007
26,935
3,435
Riding the baggage carousel.
A daily upper-decker seems like a good idea in this situation. Also, Watch Office space. It should properly motivate you do to as much nothing as possible. See how little you can get away with before someone takes notice. Keep us informed of your "progress".
 

bean

Turbo Monkey
Feb 16, 2004
1,338
0
Boulder
Why don't you look for a job while you still have one? You'll look better to employers that way.
 

Ithnu

Monkey
Jul 16, 2007
965
0
Denver
you are in engineering right? decent demand for engineering right now. Harden the **** up buttercup and look for a job on your spare time, not my dime.
Oh I'm not worried about finding another job. I'll just get 10 weeks of paychecks (severance) and unemployment if I get laid off. So that's the goal. I'm not in my 20s anymore, I'm not going to harden the f%uk up. I want the summer off.

And the your dime? All I work on is government projects so the money is coming from your dime no matter what. ;)
 

wiscodh

Monkey
Jun 21, 2007
778
82
303
love ya roger.
<3

unemployment is a safety net for unfortunate times. I think it should be there to help people pay the bills until they can get back on there feet. It shouldn't be there because you don't like your job. I ****ing hate my job right now too but im doing the best I can to get the projects done and out the door.
 

Ithnu

Monkey
Jul 16, 2007
965
0
Denver
See guys I'm not worried about another job. I'm in my early 30s, multiple degrees and good references. I just want a layoff first. I've put it to The Monkey for input on what people have seen actually work.

The trend here seems to be show up for work and be as lazy as possible.
 

bdamschen

Turbo Monkey
Nov 28, 2005
3,316
36
Spreckels, CA
See guys I'm not worried about another job. I'm in my early 30s, multiple degrees and good references. I just want a layoff first. I've put it to The Monkey for input on what people have seen actually work.

The trend here seems to be show up for work and be as lazy as possible.
Nit pick in meetings.
 
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Ithnu

Monkey
Jul 16, 2007
965
0
Denver
<3

unemployment is a safety net for unfortunate times. I think it should be there to help people pay the bills until they can get back on there feet. It shouldn't be there because you don't like your job. I ****ing hate my job right now too but im doing the best I can to get the projects done and out the door.
It will be 10 weeks before I'm even allowed to collect unemployment. So that pay is more the goal than unemployment checks.
 

jonKranked

Press Button, Receive Stupid
Nov 10, 2005
54,752
4,205
media blackout
See guys I'm not worried about another job. I'm in my early 30s, multiple degrees and good references. I just want a layoff first. I've put it to The Monkey for input on what people have seen actually work.

The trend here seems to be show up for work and be as lazy as possible.
just a reminder, you'll have to explain why you got laid off to future potential employees.


back on topic, hit on your bosses wife/daughter
 

wiscodh

Monkey
Jun 21, 2007
778
82
303
It will be 10 weeks before I'm even allowed to collect unemployment. So that pay is more the goal than unemployment checks.
Isnt it weird knowing that the money they take from your check goes right back into what you are making? you think aerospace is dying, im making military boats. Who do you think is getting the ax first? :P

well then ****,

be that "guy" at meetings all the time then, you know who i mean.
 

wiscodh

Monkey
Jun 21, 2007
778
82
303
start applying for citizenship to another country, im sure theres some noforn stuff in your office.
 

Ithnu

Monkey
Jul 16, 2007
965
0
Denver
If you want the summer off, take it. Unemployment should be for those who need it, not those who want a free paycheck.
I get 10 weeks of severance checks if I get laid off. I want that more than unemployment. I could barely pay my bills on unemp. I can find a job in 2.5 months. Might as well get full time pay at the same time right?
 

jonKranked

Press Button, Receive Stupid
Nov 10, 2005
54,752
4,205
media blackout
Nah, it's Sikorsky Global. Near the G.O Carlson Airport. It used to be Keystone Helicopter in Westchester, a long time ago.
Gotcha. I only ask because I work across the street from it. Still not used to planes landing and taking off across the street all day long.
 

jonKranked

Press Button, Receive Stupid
Nov 10, 2005
54,752
4,205
media blackout
I get 10 weeks of severance checks if I get laid off. I want that more than unemployment. I could barely pay my bills on unemp. I can find a job in 2.5 months. Might as well get full time pay at the same time right?
wait, you live in Colorado right? Isn't weed legal there?
 

trailmike

Chimp
Feb 18, 2013
65
3
Downingtown, PA
Gotcha. I only ask because I work across the street from it. Still not used to planes landing and taking off across the street all day long.
Is that near the helicopter museum? I think QVC is there too, on RT 3? My company moved west of Coatesville because we were expanding and the people of West Chester were complaining about the noise or something.
 

jonKranked

Press Button, Receive Stupid
Nov 10, 2005
54,752
4,205
media blackout
Is that near the helicopter museum? I think QVC is there too, on RT 3? My company moved west of Coatesville because we were expanding and the people of West Chester were complaining about the noise or something.
yea, helicopter museum is right next to the airport, same w/ qvc.