[shocktower]

So I found out my Dad is very sick (virial pnemonia ) ,my stupid step mom does not even call me to tell me ,nor does any one else in my family .My father and I have an out ( cause my dad was more worried about his B-day card than the death of my 8 year old daughter :nuts: :nuts: :nuts: ) but I still care about the jerk ,so I wanted to go to see him ( he lives in So Cal I live in Oregon) I was talking to my step mother about comming to see if I can help them in any way ,Her first responce is well you can`t stay with me ,and I`am not sure if your brother will want you to stay with him WTF ,my brother and I get along very good ,I think I will just stay home since I`am unwanted .....


The good thing about life is you do`nt choose your family ,your just stuck to deal with what you got .........

 

[ioscope]

Yes... well, my extended family.

 

[blt2ride]

Damn, it sounds like you have been through a lot. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter and your father's illness.

 

[Denny]

Yup. Called up my dad today, "what time are we visiting grandparents this weekend". Dad: "Oh, we went up last weekend. I didn't tell you?

Great...

 

[H8R]

So I found out my Dad is very sick (virial pnemonia ) ,my stupid step mom does not even call me to tell me ,nor does any one else in my family .My father and I have an out ( cause my dad was more worried about his B-day card than the death of my 8 year old daughter :nuts: :nuts: :nuts: ) but I still care about the jerk ,so I wanted to go to see him ( he lives in So Cal I live in Oregon) I was talking to my step mother about comming to see if I can help them in any way ,Her first responce is well you can`t stay with me ,and I`am not sure if your brother will want you to stay with him WTF ,my brother and I get along very good ,I think I will just stay home since I`am unwanted .....


The good thing about life is you do`nt choose your family ,your just stuck to deal with what you got .........

Get your ass down there and see him.

 

[hooples3]

you should go do whats right and go see him... no matter how you feel about the whole situation. Once he is gone thats it, you need to see him so you dont have any regrets. and i know it will make him feel good too that you came.
It seems like you have had rough life, for that I am sorry. Now is your chance to make ammends with your DAD.

 

[sunny]

Get your ass down there and see him.

Go. Do not hesitate. You know this.

 

[Changleen]

Go. Do not hesitate. You know this.

 

[sunny]

Is your family a effed up as mine ,with no people skilz no compassion and just weird......

PS. Almost everybody's family is wierd.

 

[douglas]

Get your ass down there and see him.

I agree, stop whining and go see your dad......there will be a day you can't



ps: I do not have any living parents or grandparents

 

[Polandspring88]

No matter how f'd up the situation is he is still your father regardless. At least try and make some peace with him, you never know how much longer he will be with you.

 

[bluebug32]

No matter how f'd up the situation is he is still your father regardless. At least try and make some peace with him, you never know how much longer he will be with you.

my dad died when i was young and i still wish i had more time

 

[Reactor]

To answer the original question. Yes, lots of people have screwed up families. Here's mine.

My parents and I aren't currently speaking. My mother doesn't like or respect my wife of 15 years. A couple of years ago my wife wanted to do christmas at our home instead of travelling to Kalifornia. So I told my parents we were doing Christmas at home.

Two weeks before Christmas my mom calls and wants to come out and drop presents off. I say fine, you and dad can stay here. A couple of days later I find out she bring herself, my dad, two of my brothers, and the brother's wife. They plan to showup a couple of days before christmas with a bunch presents, have my daughter (3 at the time) open all their presents and then split. The only reason my other two brothers aren't coming is one is in prison for a habitual drug and anger problem. The other is in drug rehab.

So I talk to mom about it, she admits that's what she was going to do, then she starts in on my wife. You've got to understand this is a woman who physically and mentally abused me as a child, my wife is a far better mother than she ever was. So I told her she wasn't welcome until she could respect my wife, and if I ever heard another negative word about my wife I, she was never comming back again. I won't have my childs grandmother undermining her mother.

The next thing I know I get calls from my brothers telling me to get control of my wife and be the man of the house. Well, I am the man of the house, but my wife is the woman of the house, we work as a team, most of the time. And I never wanted a woman I could control as a wife anyway.

So I write an email to my parents telling them my feelings and what they (mostly my mom) need to do to resolve the situation. I call them to discuss it and they start telling me why I'm wrong and start in on my wife again. {click} End of call.

So I started thinking what has this woman done to me... After a lot of research and talking to professionals I find out I and 3 of my four brother exibit multiple signs of Borderline Personality Disorder, caused by , you guessed it, parental mental abuse.

<edit -- additional material>

so here I am almost 42 years old, with a 4 1/2 old child, wondering how am I going to be a good parent, when my parents screwed me, and my brothers up so badly.

 

[robdamanii]

Frankly, I think it's a family's job to be screwed up. There's nothing normal about families....there is no proverbial "leave it to beaver" family anymore.

Just because there is difficulty in the family doesn't mean they sill aren't family, especially when it's your nuclear family at that. Just go and do what YOU want to do, impress upon them that it's important, and if they don't like it, lay the "they are still family you dope" on them.

*sigh* people wonder why marriages keep failing....I firmly believe people no longer learn to care for other people from their parents. It's all about "me" nowadays...

 

[jollytime]

My family is really f'ed up too. My grandfather was on his deathbed and my grandmother wouldn't let my Dad see my grandfather before he died (cancer). It is something that weighs heavily on my Dad every day.

I say, go south. Be yourself. He should be accountable for his actions, but if you still care for him, you should let him know...

 

[Lex]

While I'll admit that I have some pretty serious extended family weirdness, I feel pretty lucky about my immediate family. We all manage to get a long pretty well and even accept and joke about whatever strange habits and attitudes we each exhibit. I have a wife that totally digs my family and I like hers in much the same way. I think maybe the reason we avoid a lot of the normal family drama is because we stay out of each others business as much as possible. I guess you would call it the "bury the head in the sand approach." Probably the most important thing for me is that my wife and mother get along really well. That makes things a lot easier.

I won't even get into the extended family stuff. We've never really been tight with any of them, so, for the most part, we just don't bother calling anymore (and vise versa).

 

[riderx]

Her first responce is well you can`t stay with me ,and I`am not sure if your brother will want you to stay with him WTF ,my brother and I get along very good

Have you talked to your brother? Sounds like BS and your stepmom is trying to manipulate things.

 

[Secret Squirrel]

We should all take a deep, cleansing breath......woooo-saaahhh.....then!! Open a gigantic can of Whoop-Ass! (no, not the energy drink) I guess I'm pretty normal after all...scary!!!

Good luck ironing things out!

 

[Slugman]

Everyone's family is a little screwed up - but yours has the additional stress of some incredibly trying times as of late. There is a ton of stress and high emotions running through everyone...

Talk to your brother, and go see your father. Afterwards when you have time to relax and look back at things - then make the decision about what YOU want your relationship with him and his wife to be.

I used to be the peace maker of the family, I would bend over backwards to make sure that everyone was happy. At my wedding some of my family showed their true colors - and I decided that they were not worth my time. They still trash talk about me and call me the 'ghost'... but why do I care? They are manipulative self centered lying pieces of chit, and I don't want to be around people like that.

My in-laws on the other hand are probably the best people I have ever known!

 

[bluebug32]

*sigh* people wonder why marriages keep failing....I firmly believe people no longer learn to care for other people from their parents. It's all about "me" nowadays...

I can tell you're going to be a good husband to somebody someday

 

[dh girlie]

hmmm...common denominator...BITCH ASS WHORE C WORD STEPMOTHERS....my dads wife is the biggest c**t I've ever met...do what YOU wanna do, ignore the bitch.

 

[BMXman]

I used to be the peace maker of the family, I would bend over backwards to make sure that everyone was happy. At my wedding some of my family showed their true colors - and I decided that they were not worth my time. They still trash talk about me and call me the 'ghost'... but why do I care? They are manipulative self centered lying pieces of chit, and I don't want to be around people like that.

My in-laws on the other hand are probably the best people I have ever known!

wow I think we may have been separated at birth!....D

 

[SkaredShtles]

I thank my lucky stars that I have a normal family and normal in-laws.

Whew.

 

[dh girlie]

I thank my lucky stars that I have a normal family and normal in-laws.

Whew.

Huh...I find it hard to believe you have 'normal' family...

 

[SkaredShtles]

Huh...I find it hard to believe you have 'normal' family...

Believe. Grew up on a "gentleman's" farm in Michigan. Spent my youth swimmin' in the neighbor's pond, exploring the woods, and playing in the swamp.

Wife's fambly were Air Force. Moved around alot.

No divorce, no freakiness, no feuds, etc in either family.

Hold on. I think that I may be the weirdest one in my family. :mumble:

 

[shocktower]

I agree, stop whining and go see your dad......there will be a day you can't



ps: I do not have any living parents or grandparents

I`am not whinning ,and until you have been through half of the crap I have experianced you have no Idea ,BTw thank`s Bros ,and Sis ,I just wanted to share with some peeps ,so the could remind me we all have some weird familys

 

[NoOnEKnOsMe]

my step mom absolutely hates me for reasons i dont know. i went down the other week to ride with my step brothers (whom i get along very well with) and when she found out she immediately signed them up for tennis lessons so they couldnt be with me. then she sarted making sure i wouldnt stay the night. i was so pissed...

 

[N8 v2.0]

Damn!

My parents were always strict but fair to me as a kid which kept me out of all kinds of trouble.

As an adult, I come to appreciate my parents far more than I did as a typical selfish teenager. My dad passed away almost 3 years ago and I miss him more that I can say.

My mom has been awesome to me all my life.

My in-laws are cool.




My ex on the other hand....

 

[Lexx D]

I had a very normal happy childhood(although the way things look a happy childhood isn't normal) Loving parents and pretty normal extended family. My father passed away 4 years ago when I was 21 and I'm still dealing with not having him around.
About going to see your dad do whatever you think is best. If he really is the bastard he seems to be then it's up to you. If you want to see him then go and fuk everyone else. If you think it's just going to cause more undo stress then don't go. It's easy for me to say since I'm not in your shoes but if a relative(parents or not) had pulled that kind of heartless shyt with me i doubt i would want to see either of them. Good luck either way.

 

[douglas]

I`am not whinning ,and until you have been through half of the crap I have experianced you have no Idea

and how do you know I haven't??

 

[H8R]

I`am not whinning ,and until you have been through half of the crap I have experianced you have no Idea ,BTw thank`s Bros ,and Sis ,I just wanted to share with some peeps ,so the could remind me we all have some weird familys

I may not have been through even half, but I think most everyone has some baggage w/ their family. My family is completely bonkers, but I've sucked it up and made peace over the last few years. (example: ten years went by that I didn't even speak to my mother)

I don't want to have regrets later in life after the people I love are gone.


Go see your dad, and tell him you love him. You are his son, you have the right.

 

[Zark]

Hmmm where to start.

Dad: a absent-minded borderline alkie/stoner who also happens to be a judge. Will lecture at length about Russian history and the finer points of employment law while forgetting the mundane activities of daily life (cleaning up after yourself, balancing a checkbook

Mom: Serious control freak. If she isn't in complete control of any given situation, she is bound to flip out. Prozac and sleeping aids were made for this woman, she is on them all the time and you'd swear she needs more than she's taking.

Brother. degenerate heroin addict living at home with mom and dad. Never worked a day in his life, and I don't see that changing any time soon. Gifted musician that has totally pissed his talent away. Self centered and rude best describes him.

So my parents have enabled my brother all the way along, and now there is no other place for him to go. He is a ward of the state, leeching off the system and slowly driving my parents to the grave. I hope he takes a hot load of smack and offs himself so I don't have to care for the punk when my parents pass on.

I didn't visit or talk to any of my family for about 2 years because of how disgusted I am with the whole situation. I love my parents, but the brother I had cared about has been dead for some time. I accept the situation for what it is: totally fubar and out of my control. I visit them on occasion now but its not the same.

 

[N8 v2.0]

Hmmm where to start.

Dad: a absent-minded borderline alkie/stoner who also happens to be a judge. Will lecture at length about Russian history and the finer points of employment law while forgetting the mundane activities of daily life (cleaning up after yourself, balancing a checkbook

Mom: Serious control freak. If she isn't in complete control of any given situation, she is bound to flip out. Prozac and sleeping aids were made for this woman, she is on them all the time and you'd swear she needs more than she's taking.

Brother. degenerate heroin addict living at home with mom and dad. Never worked a day in his life, and I don't see that changing any time soon. Gifted musician that has totally pissed his talent away. Self centered and rude best describes him.

So my parents have enabled my brother all the way along, and now there is no other place for him to go. He is a ward of the state, leeching off the system and slowly driving my parents to the grave. I hope he takes a hot load of smack and offs himself so I don't have to care for the punk when my parents pass on.

I didn't visit or talk to any of my family for about 2 years because of how disgusted I am with the whole situation. I love my parents, but the brother I had cared about has been dead for some time. I accept the situation for what it is: totally fubar and out of my control. I visit them on occasion now but its not the same.

Whoa! I think I saw something a lot like this on A&E's Intervention...

 

[DRB]

I thank my lucky stars that I have a normal family and normal in-laws.

Whew.

 

[mantispf2000]

Go, Shocktower, just go. If you don't, regardless of the response from any other family member, you'll kick yourself until who-knows-when. My grandpa was in the hospital, sick with Alzheimer's (is that spelled right?), and when my grandma told me, I was off (7 hour drive to my dad's). Granted, I only saw him for literally a minute, yet 2 weeks later, he was gone. I sure don't regret it at all.

Know I still think of you and how you're doing, Shock, and Alaina tells me she's having fun with a big sister in Heaven.

 

[beestiboy]

So I found out my Dad is very sick (virial pnemonia ) ,my stupid step mom does not even call me to tell me ,nor does any one else in my family .My father and I have an out ( cause my dad was more worried about his B-day card than the death of my 8 year old daughter :nuts: :nuts: :nuts: ) but I still care about the jerk ,so I wanted to go to see him ( he lives in So Cal I live in Oregon) I was talking to my step mother about comming to see if I can help them in any way ,Her first responce is well you can`t stay with me ,and I`am not sure if your brother will want you to stay with him WTF ,my brother and I get along very good ,I think I will just stay home since I`am unwanted ..

if everyone's family is disfunctional, doesnt that make everyones family functional.

Look im not going to pretend to understand you pain, ive been relatively lucky. But my grandfather ditched my dad, his sisters and mom at the age of 12. My dad grew up despising this oxygen thief, didnt go to his funeral. I was 3 months old the only time I met this POS. But with all this crap that happened too him my dad 27 years later still harbors ill feelings about him and there is nothing he could do to fix it now.

I say go and see him so that you are at peace with it, to hell with everyone else. At least any regret is for doing as opposed to not doing it

 

[JRB]

Huh...I find it hard to believe you have 'normal' family...

but he did concede that he was the weird one.

 

[MSpike]

I'd say go see your Dad because otherwise you might regret it later on. But in the end, it's really your call. It's up to you to weigh everything out and make a decision that you feel comfortable with. And I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter. My sincere condolences. That's really a lot to deal with.

As for screwed-up families, yeah, my family definitely fits the bill. I am no longer speaking to any of my siblings and I highly doubt any of them are speaking to any of the others either. I'm still on excellent terms with my mother who is great BTW. She doesn't blame me one bit for being disgusted with the rest of the family as she's pretty disgusted with them too.

Everything hit the fan after Dad died a few years ago and my greedy siblings hawked down to grab anything and everything they could get their hands on. Uh guys, Mom is still alive. Hello? She still needs to be provided for. They didn't give a damn. It was everyone for him/herself. Grab everything you can and if you can't get something you want, bring in the lawyers. Well, I don't need greedy bastards like that in my life so I told them all to **** off. The only thing I need is to make sure Mom is taken care of. Unfortunately, I'm not rich and I don't live near her but I do what I can. The others can't be bothered. Bastards. So, if anyone here is lamenting the fact that they're an only child and wants a sibling or two, I have some I'll sell off cheap. Then again, I couldn't do something that evil to a fellow RideMonkey. Nevermind.