[manimal]

**long rant warning**

Noah started playing little-league this year in minors. We held off on putting him in baseball for a while because 1) he's been racing bmx/mtb, 2) does gymnastics twice per week, and 3) i'm not a big fan of team sports.

he kept saying that he wanted to try baseball so we signed him up and he lucked out with an awesome team of little-league veterans. one of our fears, and part of the reason we kept him out of b-ball so long, is that he's so small compared to the other kids that we knew he'd get picked on. well, so far it hasn't been too bad and the parents haven't been as competitive and annoying as we thought they'd be. Noah's been learning quickly and, although he's nowhere near as good as the bigger kids on his team, he's had some good hits at the plate and saves in the field.

So on Thursday at his game, his team was ahead by 8 points and noah was playing left field. They were changing out pitchers which left a lot of lag time for the already boring position of outfielder. Noah was having a good time kicking up dirt and talking to himself (he's easily entertained like his daddy ) and then he decided that a lull in the game would be a great time to do a roundoff (and i'm pretty sure he would've continued onto a back handspring if he didn't have his glove on ). I wasn't watching but i heard all the parents roar in laughter and then tell me what a delight it is to have a kid on the team that really enjoys playing and isn't overly serious about the game...he just has fun all the time.

after the game the coach made reference to paying attention, as he should have, and i also had a talk with noah about the outfield not being the place to do gymnastics stuff.

then at practice last night i watched as 2 of the more jock-ish kids started making fun of noah. "hey look at me..i'm a girl like noah!" as the kid proceeded to try and do a cartwheel. another kid chimed in with some type of girly insult all while noah sat quietly nearby and just ignored them.

i was furious! i asked him as we were leaving if this happens a lot and he said yes. he said there are 2-3 kids that always pick on him because he's the newest/smallest player. he said he told one of the coaches about it and the coach just told him to ignore the kids (of course, one of the kids in question is the coaches son).
in the parking lot, i pulled aside one of the dad's that has really been a great help to us new baseball parents and he said that he noticed the teasing at a previous game and brought it up to one of the coaches but, obviously, nothing has been done about it.

so here's where i'm at. the coaches don't really care and/or the kids aren't listening. i've always told noah that he's not allowed to get into a fight UNLESS he's has no other choice but to defend himself, and then, he better make sure the aggressor never wants to fight anyone again. (gymnast are about as strong as they come and i'll put my son's overall strength/endurance up against any traditional "athlete" ) noah and i spar all the time and though he may be small for his age he knows what he's doing.

anyway, i think it's time for him to stand up for himself and not let these kids pick on him. i told him that the next time they start teasing he is to confront the person and tell them that he won't let them pick on him anymore. i told him that i don't want him picking a fight but to stand up and not let it continue anymore....now if the other kid takes it a step further then..well...at least the instigator will know not to pick on noah anymore.

so anyway, sorry for the long rant but i was just so livid last night after watching those kids tease my son and then have him tell me that the coach just told him to ignore it!

maybe i'll have an update on this after his next game on wednesday.

 

[jimmydean]

That's a suck situation for sure. Maddie gets grief in school sometimes because she is small for her age, too.

Lucky for Noah he has a pops who cares and it's exactly what I have told Maddie. Maddie will start martial arts this summer to help with her confidence a bit.

 

[valve bouncer]

How does Noah want to handle it?
My elder boy plays rugby and soccer. With rugby the coaches are a little older/more experienced and consequently I've never seen any problems with teasing at rugby games. The soccer coaches are younger and the kids seem to get away with more and a few things were said to my boy at one of the games I watched. I don't think he even noticed but I did. I have to bite my lip though as I could very easily become one of "those" parents. Very, very f*cking easily, scares me a bit.

 

[Sghost]

1. Pull the coaches over wearing dark sunglasses.
2. Make them **** bricks and remember who you are.
3. ???
4. Profit and bask in the results of the next game.



That's the problem with the kids sports. Volunteer chuds who think they are pro. Actual/former players and coaches are few and far between.

 

[manimal]

don't get me wrong, our coach is outstanding, i just don't think he realizes that his son is one of the instigators. i just wish he payed attention to what's going on more. ignoring a bully never makes them go away.

i asked noah how it made him feel and he said "sad". he is, however, taking it very well. i'm just worried that if he lets it slide now it'll only get worse as he gets older.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

You can pull the coach to the side and intimidate him if you want, but that's not really going to stop the teasing or help Noah in the long run.

I was small for my age when I was a kid and got picked on as well. In my opinion the best thing to do would be for him to end it quickly. Most bullies will back down if you come at them full force. If he continues to let them pick on him it will only get worse and could start a pattern that will carry on through school.

Teach your boy how to make a proper fist so he doesn't hurt his hand. If he is scared about getting hit, reassure him that it isn't as bad as crashing on a bike. If he learns now how to deal with bullies now, he won't have a problem with them when he gets older.

Good luck.

 

[jimmydean]

It does get worse. When we lived in the old house, the kids across the street were all jackasses. Maddie was smaller and a grade or 2 younger than most and always seemed to be odd man out in games. Most were mad because she was faster, better, smarter than them. It was tough because she wanted to play, but they were jackasses.

If he ends it now, the results will be better.

 

[manimal]

You can pull the coach to the side and intimidate him if you want, but that's not really going to stop the teasing or help Noah in the long run.

I was small for my size when I was kid and got picked on as well. In my opinion the best thing to do would be for him to end it quickly. Most bullies will back down if you come at them full force. If he continues to let them pick on him it will only get worse and could start a pattern that will carry on through school.

Teach your boy how to make a proper fist so he doesn't hurt his hand. If he is scared about getting hit, reassure him that it isn't as bad as crashing on a bike. If he learns now how to deal with bullies now, he won't have a problem with them when he gets older.

Good luck.

yeah, that was my advice to him. he's already well aware of how to properly throw an un-telegraphed punch. most kids will rear back like they're throwing a big haymaker...but i've worked extensively with him on not telegraphing his intentions thus making it more of a surprise pop if the need ever arises

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

Ya know, If he's got that gymnastic strength, a quick punch to the sternum really gets someone's attention and won't leave a visible mark. And if that is not enough of a warning shot, then he can dot the kid's eye.

 

[Leppah]

a quick punch to the sternum really gets someone's attention and won't leave a visible mark.

I had to tell my 9 year old girl that same thing. Her 13 year old brother likes to pick on her when we're not around. He pushes her in to things, hits her, whatever. i told her to jack him in the gut as hard as she possibly could when he wasn't prepared. i told her to make him drop to the floor. But i told her that if she doesn't do it as hard as she possibly can, then she better not do it because he'll get her back if it doesn't drop him.

I hate when kids fight, but sometimes when one gets the better of the other one, it makes it come to an end a little quicker and the one that starts it will be a lot more cautious about doing it again.

 

[stinkyboy]

I can only offer my dad's teachings: "Don't allow anyone to fuq with you, ever."

I've worked with grown men who have never been in a fight, and it seems they are either backstabbing worms or just plain scared in life.

 

[SkaredShtles]

Manimal - I'd seriously have a talk with the coach again. Make it clear that it's making your kid feel bad and that his kid is one of the culprits. I coach soccer for my oldest (7) and my middle kid (6) and I would not tolerate that sort of nonsense from them OR from any of the other kids on their team.

I personally would appreciate a parent talking to me if there was this sort of nonsense going on... if it isn't addressed (and should be by the coach) then it definitely will NOT get better.

If the coach continues to ignore it I'd pull my kid and tell the coach exactly why...

 

[I Are Baboon]

Sounds like the parents need to get pulled over for "Probable Cause."

 

[ultraNoob]

Teach Noah som JuiJitsu and have him arm bar the kid till he says uncle.

 

[mattmatt86]

Get him into lacrosse. When I was 10 we were allowed to suit up and start hitting each other so if some kid is pissing you off you get to smack him across the chest with a big metal stick.

 

[DirtMcGirk]

I grew up as one of the smaller kids until I started playing rugby. My old man was always very supportive of the stance of "once is funny, twice you put them on the deck so hard they don't want to get up again." I've learned to tolerate people to a point, but then once its gone too far I still follow the words my old man taught me.

You don't ever really see the teasing in kids rugby for some reason. You see it in college, but that's largely because we were all far too hammered to ever take it seriously. Once in a blue moon you'd run into a hard on, usually an ex-red shirt foot ball player who thought he needed to be Billy Bad Ass. A few boots to the face on the bottom of a ruck usually took that right out of them.

Let Noah handle it. In the long run having you step in could become a life long thing, and since I know both you and Noah, I know that's not how you want to be as a dad. Let him dust up these kids a little. All else fails, he does have a bat...

 

[SkaredShtles]

PSA: Consider not listening to interpersonal advice from DirtMcGirk.

 

[DirtMcGirk]

PSA: Consider not listening to interpersonal advice from DirtMcGirk.

God I hate you in a deeply sexual sort of way.

And it tells me i have to spread rep before I send it your way again..

 

[SkaredShtles]

God I hate you in a deeply sexual sort of way.

I have no idea what that means... but it's kind of disturbing.

NTTAWWT.

 

[DirtMcGirk]

I have no idea what that means... but it's kind of disturbing.

NTTAWWT.

You love the attention, whore.

 

[stinkyboy]

Get him into lacrosse. When I was 10 we were allowed to suit up and start hitting each other so if some kid is pissing you off you get to smack him across the chest with a big metal stick.

I dunno what you have against team sports Manimal, but playing football in Nebraska since I could spell my name was huge in my life. Camaraderie, getting crazy, getting hurt and having fun is what life's all about.

 

[manimal]

I dunno what you have against team sports Manimal, but playing football in Nebraska since I could spell my name was huge in my life. Camaraderie, getting crazy, getting hurt and having fun is what life's all about.

i'll check into lacrosse, seems like a lot of fun that is way more active than baseball. don't get me wrong, i loved little-league and baseball as a kid i just can't stand to watch/follow professional sports. i'd rather be out playing than debating over how "my team" is gonna kick butt next year based off of the draft

and the camaraderie depends greatly on your individual standing on the team.

 

[Bicyclist]

Lacrosse is the one team sport I enjoy. Just got back from a game, the last game of the season in fact! It's a good sport because it is fluid and constant like soccer, with some of the contact of football, but without an emphasis on size; one of the best people in our league is a TINY guy, but he's quick and really hard to lay a hit on. I would definitely look into it.

 

[SkaredShtles]

Get him into soccer manimal - will leave LOTS of money left over for bikes and beer.

 

[manimal]

Get him into soccer manimal - will leave LOTS of money left over for bikes and beer.

not down here it doesn't. travel league for soccer (eventuality if he sticks with it) is $1,400 per season.

soccer was his first team sport and he liked it he just wasn't very competitive; didn't quite get the idea. his fitness level has actually gone down now that he's riding less and playing baseball more...it's such a sedentary sport.

 

[SkaredShtles]

not down here it doesn't. travel league for soccer (eventuality if he sticks with it) is $1,400 per season.

WTF?

 

[geargrrl]

WTF?

yep, if they start playing in the elite leagues (even for kids) and traveling, it will lots and lots of time and money. My friend offered his high school daughter 5K to NOT play soccer this year, he's so sick of the travel, time and money.

 

[SkaredShtles]

yep, if they start playing in the elite leagues (even for kids) and traveling, it will lots and lots of time and money. My friend offered his high school daughter 5K to NOT play soccer this year, he's so sick of the travel, time and money.

Damn.

That's dumb.

 

[HAB]

Damn.

That's dumb.

5k is going to be hard for a high school kid to turn down, and effectively forcing them out of playing sports like that is fvcked up.

 

[ire]

I was small for my age when I was a kid and got picked on as well. In my opinion the best thing to do would be for him to end it quickly. Most bullies will back down if you come at them full force. If he continues to let them pick on him it will only get worse and could start a pattern that will carry on through school.

I was picked on as a kid until I reached the breaking point and decided that fighting, and possibly losing, was better than being picked on. When I finally stood up, they backed down and didn't mess with me anymore. Weird how that works

 

[DirtyMike]

Brother, I think you have already done the right thing with Lil Manimal, You told him to stand up for himself, and how to stand up for himself. I know you have also taught him to NOT be a bully once he learns he can hold his own with the bigger kids.

My guess is he will be alot like I was, this is the hard part for some that know me, I was the smallest kid growing up....litterally, my grandmother snuck me off to a doctor to make sure my mom was feeding me enough food, I was litterally a runt. I was picked on in a fierce way, I also had alot of teachers tell me to ignore it, which just didnt work. Then between six and seventh grade, I grew....I Grew ALOT, so much I was pretty much medicated that whole summer to control the growing pains, they were BAD. Come back to school, Im not the little guy anymore, in fact I am the big guy on campus. Unfortunatly for me, in my mind I was still not teh big guy, so for a fair bit of that school year, I was still picked on alot by the other students, the same that had picked on me for many years. My pops had pretty much teh same conversation with me that you had with Noah, two days later the same kid that had picked on me since the second grade starts into me again, I tell him I will not stand for it anymore, this is your chance to leave. I was scared ****less saying this, then he stepped forward and tried to push me. That didnt work out so well for him. I stood my ground, used the skills I learned from Mom and Dad puting me in different training classes, and put him on his ass, and made him tap out basically. My confidence grew in leaps and bounds, grades got better, I did better in sports, i held my head higher.

There basically comes a point when the smaller kid just has to stand up for himself. Your doing the right thing in letting him and guiding him on how to do so. Talk to the coaches one on one so they know whats going on, make sure they know the extent of it too. From there you just have to let him handle it, good thing is, you already pretty much know whats going to happen.

 

[Prettym1k3]

The coach is always blind to anyone except their son, and EVERY team has a kid whose dad is the coach.

You're on the right path, and the next time they pick on your son, tell him to deck them and roundhouse kick them.

 

[stevew]

just wait until he goes gymkata on those motherfvckers...

then they will back the fvck up.

 

[S.K.C.]

Manny - for what it's worth:

I'd try to teach your son to use his intelligence and wit to deal with these guys as a first option. At this point it sounds like verbal abuse which unfortunately as we all know from growing up is gonna happen. Seeing this happen to your own child WILL make you want to do go "Leonidas" (think any fight scene from 300) on someone but if you instruct your boy to get in the other kids face first - that could be used against him if a fight breaks out. The other kids could say "Well - he came at us first" kind of BS. Additionally - he could lose the fight, get hurt badly and thus encourage even more abuse.

I'd give him some zingers to say back to these kids to shut them up. If these kids are getting off on making fun of someone else at such a young age, then their life must already suck. They'll probably be molesting dogs or setting homeless people on fire by the time they're 14.

If the zingers don't work, then it's time to step up, but I would say, teach your boy to use his head first in difficult situations where he is out-matched (physically) before preparing to get phsycially "tactical". :biggrin: If he can shut these kids up without squaring off/getting confrontational that's a good thing and definitely preferred. You don't want to put someone in a situation where the other guy(s) have an advantage such as physical size.

Coming from a martial arts background disciplines like Judo and Ju-Jitsu can teach a 5'5" guy to cut a 6'2" guy down to size: I've seen it happen, and not in an octagon. These 2 disciplines focus on using your body weight, anatomical leverage, and using your opponet's weight against them as a means of defense.

Wouldn't hurt to expose him to these kinds of things.

""The art of using troops is this:
......When ten to the enemy's one, surround him;
......When five times his strength, attack him;
......If double his strength, divide him;
......If equally matched you may engage him;
......If weaker numerically, be capable of withdrawing;
......And if in all respects unequal, be capable of eluding him,
..........for a small force is but booty for one more powerful."

"To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

-Sun Tzu, the Art of War

 

[manimal]

noah and i are going riding tomorrow afternoon about an hour from the house. that drive should give us some time to discuss, in further detail, this phase of growing up. thanks for all of the advice.

 

[Austin Bike]

Keep in mind that at the point where you son does have to engage him, it will be the coach's responsibility to break it up.

That is a good time to remind the coach that you brought this to his attention and he did nothing. If he is not going to address disciplining his own child, then the leage can take the matter up with him. I am guessing that if he is a coach he probably has an ego as well.

 

[sanjuro]

Yeah, I would talk with the coach again.

That seems really inappropriate.

A little different situation, but I coach 16-17 year olds in cycling. We are a mouthy bunch, and we were doing a little hoot-n-hollering when someone started up the bagpipes around dusk at our campsite.

Anyway, the next day, there are few girls walking by, and they were being loud and stupid.

One of the guys starts yelling at her, and I told him to shut the f*** up.

I wonder about setting a double standard, but yelling your complaints into the air versus screaming something for another person to hear, particularly within a group of your teammates and your coach, is not right.

I wouldn't let a kid run his mouth, particularly about his own teammate. Sets a bad example.

 

[TreeSaw]

Manimal - I'd seriously have a talk with the coach again. Make it clear that it's making your kid feel bad and that his kid is one of the culprits. I coach soccer for my oldest (7) and my middle kid (6) and I would not tolerate that sort of nonsense from them OR from any of the other kids on their team.

I personally would appreciate a parent talking to me if there was this sort of nonsense going on... if it isn't addressed (and should be by the coach) then it definitely will NOT get better.

If the coach continues to ignore it I'd pull my kid and tell the coach exactly why...

Yeah, I would talk with the coach again.

That seems really inappropriate.

A little different situation, but I coach 16-17 year olds in cycling. We are a mouthy bunch, and we were doing a little hoot-n-hollering when someone started up the bagpipes around dusk at our campsite.

Anyway, the next day, there are few girls walking by, and they were being loud and stupid.

One of the guys starts yelling at her, and I told him to shut the f*** up.

I wonder about setting a double standard, but yelling your complaints into the air versus screaming something for another person to hear, particularly within a group of your teammates and your coach, is not right.

I wouldn't let a kid run his mouth, particularly about his own teammate. Sets a bad example.

Yeah, I would start by talking to the coach personally. Another parent mentioned it already and it would likely mean more coming from Noah's dad "officer Manimal" If it doesn't get resolved, it might be time for Noah to shine in another arena.

Sounds like the parents need to get pulled over for "Probable Cause."

This too could be the solution.

 

[MMcG]

Just wondering - why are you not a big fan of team sports?

 

[Leppah]

I'm not much of a fan of many team sports. I played bball, soccer, and baseball as a kid. I didn't like the fact that my team would lose due to the fact that other kids weren't practicing as hard as i was. I didn't like losing because of someone else on the team. I like things more like martial arts, wrestling, tennis, bike racing. All of the results are a straight reflection of how well i did. Not the other guy on the team. I didn't win or lose because of anything other than my own performance. I don't like having to rely on people for much. But that's just me. I'm not as serious in to any kind of competition anymore. But when i was a kid, that's how i was.