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Jan Ullrich's "My Space Page" HAHA

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McGRP01

McGRP01

beer and bikes
Feb 6, 2003
7,793
0
Portland, OR
"I will be to riding in the Tour de France on 2006, and the weak will break against my massive thighs like the ocean against the shore."

:rofl:
 
moff_quigley

moff_quigley

Why don't you have a seat over there?
Jan 27, 2005
4,402
2
Poseurville
"I mean, I am still being the Jan. I am still being the bringer of nightmares, the destroyer of worlds. The earth is still being cracking into great fissures of shadow and death beneath my every footstep, and the Jan is still laying the bitch-slap on Satan himself whenever the Jan is feeling like it."

That's some funny crap.
 
TN

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,301
1,353
Jimtown, CO
"I do not enjoy watching the OLN on the TV, where the announcers swing from Lance Armstrong's testicles as if they were a trapeze."

^lol
 
moff_quigley

moff_quigley

Why don't you have a seat over there?
Jan 27, 2005
4,402
2
Poseurville
"And lo, when the Jan passes by, there will be a mighty rumble, as though a thousand elephants were falling down a hill. And the sun will be blotted from the sky by the wings of a thousand ravens, and the hearts of men shall quail, and the hearts of women shall flutter (and then quail), and even the hearts of quail shall quail, and the souls of the weak shall be snuffed out like candles in the wailing wind that follows his passing. Then shall be the time of the Jan, when he rises from the earth and takes his two thrones, one for each thigh. And then the world shall weep." - From the Book of Jan. Also known as the NecronomiJan.

So ja, the Jan is being back.

I was being thinking to myself this morning, "You know what? I am going to be kicking some ass today. Ja, what the hell. Let's go make some widows."


Holy crap this page is pure genius.
 
binary visions

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
22,165
1,261
NC
macko said:
Maybe I'm just dense, but is this a spoof or his actual website?
Click to expand...
It's a spoof, dude.

Still, the Jan is being a totally cool bro right now, and giving the credit where the credit is being due. Ivan Basso can really climb. Is is being true, he is not having to carry the extra added weight of a male penis, but he is still a good climber. And the Jan is not wanting to be graphic, but the Jan is definitely at a disadvantage there, because he is being packing 7 pounds of anaconda meat in his bicycle shorts. If you are knowing what he is being saying. Wink, wink.

(The Jan is saying he is having a big schnitzel.)
Click to expand...
:rofl:
 
jonKranked

jonKranked

Detective Dookie
Nov 10, 2005
88,827
27,043
media blackout
the music is clutch. "oh you touch my tra la la" its cheese factor is up there with the david hasslehoff "hooked on a feeling" video.

Heroes: Darth Vader. Eddie Merkcx. Julius Caesar. Conan the Barbarian. Martha Stewart. Jan Ullrich.


:rofl:


"i also like puppies. to eat"


edit: "7 lbs of anaconda meat" is the funniest phrase i've heard in weeks.
 
binary visions

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
22,165
1,261
NC
Whoever wrote that page is hilarious. I can't stop reading, and I should be working :p

And then there was Kessler. Or pussy-pussy-crap-face, as the Jan is now calling him. When he fell off the back, our eyes met, and he knew. The Jan does not accept weakness. Weakness brings dishonor. And dishonor must be purified by pain.

Matthias will never speak of that night, and what happened in the T-Mobile bus after everyone but the Jan and little Kessy had gone, but look into his eyes, if ever you meet him, and you will see the emptiness there. You will see the darkness, and the pain. That night, Matthias was the Jan's bike pump. And the touch of the Jan is not gentle.
Click to expand...
 
Konabumm

Konabumm

Konaboner
Jun 13, 2003
4,384
87
Hollywood, Maryland, United States
The Jan is wanting to be serious for a moment. Can we turn the techno music down for a bit? Yes? That is the good.

Listen to the Jan, oh you dubious masses of the peoples. The Jan is not going to be losing the Tour in 2006 to some hairy little spaghetti-legged monkey from Italy. That is not going to be doing the happen.
 
Konabumm

Konabumm

Konaboner
Jun 13, 2003
4,384
87
Hollywood, Maryland, United States
I have been at the starting of the training now. At the first, I did the stomach stretches, where I eat the 14 sausages, and I drink the ten beers. Then I do the endurance training, where I dance with the pretty fraus until the sun is coming up, at which time I am showing my thighs to everyone because I have at some point lost mine pants. Many people faint with terror. Or the lust, I am not being sure which. At this point, I must do the resting, because it is a crucial part of any training. I do the resting very good this time, and do not take a break from the resting for 15 hours. Then I wake up, and do the kicking of the kittens, to stay sharp. It is not being easy, my regimen, but I am not to complain.
 
moff_quigley

moff_quigley

Why don't you have a seat over there?
Jan 27, 2005
4,402
2
Poseurville
"Simoni, Salvoldelli, Cunego, Bettini... The Jan has not seen this much back hair since he was watching King Kong. When we are being hitting the mountains, and the Italians are beginning the huffing and puffing and the sweating, it is smelling like a donkey's ass. That is, if the donkey's ass has triple espresso on its breath and a couple of cigarettes are being matted in its ass-hair."
 
Polandspring88

Polandspring88

Superman
Mar 31, 2004
3,066
7
Broomfield, CO
And the Jan is always remembering the time he kicked in the door on the T-Mobile bus bathroom when Klodi was in there doing number zwie, and the Jan beat him half to death with a sack of water bottles. Oh, we laughed and laughed. Well, ok, maybe just the Jan laughed, because Klodi was being half into a coma at that point, but the Jan knows that if Klodi had been conscious, he would have screech/cried at the obvious funniness of the situation.

Oh God, that section made me cry.
 
SkaredShtles

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
67,858
14,181
In a van.... down by the river
I'd give you postitive approval if I could! This stuff is GOLD!

"What is this, books? I do not read the book, I am too busy grinding the hearts of the weak people to powder with the mortar and pestle that are my massive thighs."
 
J

JRB

Guest
I saw the marzocci myspace thread last night and noticed some dude named Mancil's myspace. He really shouldn't mock anyone's myspace page. Just saying.
 
J

JRB

Guest
I would encourage anyone to search for it.

You should wallpaper with H3 r0XX0rs my s0XX0rs!!!!11!!!
 
golgiaparatus

golgiaparatus

Out of my element
Aug 30, 2002
7,340
41
Deep in the Jungles of Oklahoma
LOL! "Seriously. 4 out of 5 doctors recommend Oral B. The fifth one is being an Italian, and the Jan thinks he is recommending road kill and horse sh!t."

"Ivan Basso, Valverde, Floyd Landis, it doesn't matter. No one can drop the hammers on the climbs AND the time trials like the Jan. It is being like the Highlander or like Lance's nuts. There can be only one"
 
Tame Ape

Tame Ape

BUY HOPE!!!!!!!
Mar 4, 2003
2,284
1
NYC
golgiaparatus said:
"Ivan Basso, Valverde, Floyd Landis, it doesn't matter. No one can drop the hammers on the climbs AND the time trials like the Jan. It is being like the Highlander or like Lance's nuts. There can be only one"
Click to expand...
:rofl:
 
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