SkaredShtles said:Dammit. Blocked by the Man.
Unlike Skooks, Mancil's cool factor is *plummeting.*
Blaa I don't care what anyone says, It's been a great way for me to catch up with old friends.
Jan Ullrich's "My Space Page" HAHA
- Thread starter Konabumm
- Start date
Blaa I don't care what anyone says, It's been a great way for me to catch up with old friends.
Konabumm said:
myspace is teh roxors!!!111 lol lol
Did I do that right?
"Sometimes, I am giving the Klodi a wedgie, because when the Jan rides the bike, someone must suffer."
The Jan's training is paying off!!!!!!
Procycling
18/06/2006
A convincing win in the final time trial of the Tour of Switzerland sees Jan Ullrich romp past overnight leader Koldo Gil to take the overall title and set himself up perfectly for the start of the Tour de France in two weeks' time.
Jan Ullrich gave the clearest indication yet that he is running into great form as the Tour de France approaches when he won Sundays concluding time trial of the Tour of Switzerland by a convincing margin that was more than enough to carry him through to overall victory. Ullrich beat Cadel Evans by 23 seconds over the 30km course into Berne, with overnight leader Koldo Gil ninth at 1-14, enabling Ullrich to take his second win in his favourite Tour preparation race.
Ullrich was strongly tipped to win the time trial after taking victory the mid-Giro TT last month and riding strongly through the first eight days of the Swiss tour. On Saturday he looked very strong on a mountain stage comprising the substantial climbs of the Lukmanier, the Oberalp the Gotthard.
Set up by some strong riding by his T-Mobile team-mates, Ullrich rode strongly on the final climb, even if race leader Gil did manage to get clear of him briefly. The stage was won by Astanas Alberto Contador, the only rider from an earlier break that stayed clear of the yellow jersey group.
That left the Berne time trial to decide the title, and there was never much doubt that Ullrich was going to claim both. The only slight worry for the German and his team is Andreas Klödens abandon on Saturday due to the effects of a cold.
Stage 9, Kerzers-Berne time trial
1 Jan Ullrich (Ger) T-Mobile 30.7km in 38.45
2 Cadel Evans (Aus) Davitamon-Lotto 0.23
3 Angel Vicioso (Spa) Astana-Würth 0.31
4 Janez Brajkovic (Slo) Discovery Channel 0.47
5 Linus Gerdemann (Ger) T-Mobile 0.51
6 Christian Vande Velde (USA) CSC 0.53
7 Kim Kirchen (Lux) T-Mobile 1.01
8 Vladimir Karpets (Rus) Caisse dEpargne 1.02
9 Koldo Gil (Spa) Saunier Duval 1.14
10 Jörg Jaksche (Ger) Astana-Würth 1.22
Final overall standings
1 Jan Ullrich (Ger) T-Mobile 38.21.36
2 Koldo Gil (Spa) Saunier Duval 0.24
3 Jörg Jaksche (Ger) Astana-Würth 1.03
4 Angel Vicioso (Spa) Astana-Würth 1.44
5 Janez Brajkovic (Slo) Discovery Channel 2.33
6 Frank Schleck (Lux) CSC 2.56
7 Linus Gerdemann (Ger) T-Mobile 3.31
8 Giampaolo Caruso (Ita) Astana-Würth 4.20
9 Vladimir Karpets (Rus) Caisse dEpargne 4.27
10 Cadel Evans (Aus) Davitamon-Lotto 5.01
Procycling
18/06/2006
A convincing win in the final time trial of the Tour of Switzerland sees Jan Ullrich romp past overnight leader Koldo Gil to take the overall title and set himself up perfectly for the start of the Tour de France in two weeks' time.
Jan Ullrich gave the clearest indication yet that he is running into great form as the Tour de France approaches when he won Sundays concluding time trial of the Tour of Switzerland by a convincing margin that was more than enough to carry him through to overall victory. Ullrich beat Cadel Evans by 23 seconds over the 30km course into Berne, with overnight leader Koldo Gil ninth at 1-14, enabling Ullrich to take his second win in his favourite Tour preparation race.
Ullrich was strongly tipped to win the time trial after taking victory the mid-Giro TT last month and riding strongly through the first eight days of the Swiss tour. On Saturday he looked very strong on a mountain stage comprising the substantial climbs of the Lukmanier, the Oberalp the Gotthard.
Set up by some strong riding by his T-Mobile team-mates, Ullrich rode strongly on the final climb, even if race leader Gil did manage to get clear of him briefly. The stage was won by Astanas Alberto Contador, the only rider from an earlier break that stayed clear of the yellow jersey group.
That left the Berne time trial to decide the title, and there was never much doubt that Ullrich was going to claim both. The only slight worry for the German and his team is Andreas Klödens abandon on Saturday due to the effects of a cold.
Stage 9, Kerzers-Berne time trial
1 Jan Ullrich (Ger) T-Mobile 30.7km in 38.45
2 Cadel Evans (Aus) Davitamon-Lotto 0.23
3 Angel Vicioso (Spa) Astana-Würth 0.31
4 Janez Brajkovic (Slo) Discovery Channel 0.47
5 Linus Gerdemann (Ger) T-Mobile 0.51
6 Christian Vande Velde (USA) CSC 0.53
7 Kim Kirchen (Lux) T-Mobile 1.01
8 Vladimir Karpets (Rus) Caisse dEpargne 1.02
9 Koldo Gil (Spa) Saunier Duval 1.14
10 Jörg Jaksche (Ger) Astana-Würth 1.22
Final overall standings
1 Jan Ullrich (Ger) T-Mobile 38.21.36
2 Koldo Gil (Spa) Saunier Duval 0.24
3 Jörg Jaksche (Ger) Astana-Würth 1.03
4 Angel Vicioso (Spa) Astana-Würth 1.44
5 Janez Brajkovic (Slo) Discovery Channel 2.33
6 Frank Schleck (Lux) CSC 2.56
7 Linus Gerdemann (Ger) T-Mobile 3.31
8 Giampaolo Caruso (Ita) Astana-Würth 4.20
9 Vladimir Karpets (Rus) Caisse dEpargne 4.27
10 Cadel Evans (Aus) Davitamon-Lotto 5.01
bwahahaha!!!
I was watching that race on OLN today, pretty crazy, raining super hard, their tires were sliding everywhere
Jan is needing to be writing about causing the pain and the suffering by winning the Tour de Suisse....
OMGF and I were watching it yesterday... when the rain started coming in, we were spouting Jan things like:
I am Jan, I am the bringer of storms and suffering.
You all will be fearing the mighty schnitzel!
Do you all see my thighs of destruction????
We were amused, anyway.
OMGF and I were watching it yesterday... when the rain started coming in, we were spouting Jan things like:
I am Jan, I am the bringer of storms and suffering.
You all will be fearing the mighty schnitzel!
Do you all see my thighs of destruction????
We were amused, anyway.
His new blog is like, being a totally cool bro.
he needs to gtfo myspace.
another good update
The Basso's fear is smelling like cigarettes and back hair. No, wait. That's just the Basso.
I am the Jan. I am the Destroyer of Worlds.
So, fuc$ ja. The Jan is being rocking the road, bros. If you are not being hearing yet, the Jan is totally living up to his yearbook pledge of having a K/A summer. Of course, in the Jan's yearbook there were also many entreaties to "Stay Sweet," which the Jan was obviously ignoring.
Another Tour de Suisse in the can, and now it is being time for the Suisse-France double. Only the Mighty Uniballed One has done it, back in 2001, and before that, only Merckxxkexa-7. (Note to self: the Jan must learn to spell more things better-y.)
They are being loving the Jan in Switzerland, which is being kind of weird because the Swiss are being like the Vanilla Ice Cream of nations, while if the Jan were an ice cream, he would be the Chocolate Double Fudge with Chunks of Blood and Baby Tears. But whatever, the Jan is being cool with it.
There was being much rain and wind and lightning when Jan did begin to pedal yesterday, but that was totally being the Jan's fault. The Jan must be careful when pedaling, for when the Jan's massive thighs begin to spin so close together, they are creating a low pressure system centered on the Jan's "special place" that is often causing massive weather anomalies and atmospheric disturbances. It can be embarassing. There have been many cases where the Jan is being totally breaking it down on the dance floor, and then busts out with the Jan's favorite move, the Roger Rabbit, and then whole villages are blown away into ash and smoke, and for nights afterward there are being many sightings of strange lights in the sky.
So, the Jan saw that the CSC won the Team Time Trial in Eindhoven yesterday. Ooooooooooo.
Please.
The T-Mobile plan was actually being for Jan to compete in both events yesterday, and for the Team Time Trial the entire T-Mobile team would simply crawl onto the Jan's back, and then hold onto each other like some giant pink sphere of pain, and the Jan would just carry them the whole way. We even thought of maybe just driving the T-Mobile team bus onto my back and the Jan could just carry that, but when we tried it, little Matty Kessler started crying and said he was being scared and then he wouldn't get in the bus, and I'm like, Bro! Get in the ****ing bus! I am, like, already having the bus on my back! You better get freaking in there, crap face! But he wouldn't.
Sheep. The Jan is surrounded by sheep.
On the good news, the Jan is thinking he going to be starting updating regularly in the run-up to the Tour. The Jan is thinking of doing a daily update for the Tour, even, and like putting fancy computer internets graphics and stuff on his page. The Jan is being a little surprised at the many thousands of daily hits he is getting, and he is even breaking the top 100 blogs of the MySpace sometimes, which is meaning that the fans of the Jan are probably mostly a bunch of 40 year-old pederasts and maybe only 17 people who actually are liking to ride the bikes.
The Basso's fear is smelling like cigarettes and back hair. No, wait. That's just the Basso.
I am the Jan. I am the Destroyer of Worlds.
So, fuc$ ja. The Jan is being rocking the road, bros. If you are not being hearing yet, the Jan is totally living up to his yearbook pledge of having a K/A summer. Of course, in the Jan's yearbook there were also many entreaties to "Stay Sweet," which the Jan was obviously ignoring.
Another Tour de Suisse in the can, and now it is being time for the Suisse-France double. Only the Mighty Uniballed One has done it, back in 2001, and before that, only Merckxxkexa-7. (Note to self: the Jan must learn to spell more things better-y.)
They are being loving the Jan in Switzerland, which is being kind of weird because the Swiss are being like the Vanilla Ice Cream of nations, while if the Jan were an ice cream, he would be the Chocolate Double Fudge with Chunks of Blood and Baby Tears. But whatever, the Jan is being cool with it.
There was being much rain and wind and lightning when Jan did begin to pedal yesterday, but that was totally being the Jan's fault. The Jan must be careful when pedaling, for when the Jan's massive thighs begin to spin so close together, they are creating a low pressure system centered on the Jan's "special place" that is often causing massive weather anomalies and atmospheric disturbances. It can be embarassing. There have been many cases where the Jan is being totally breaking it down on the dance floor, and then busts out with the Jan's favorite move, the Roger Rabbit, and then whole villages are blown away into ash and smoke, and for nights afterward there are being many sightings of strange lights in the sky.
So, the Jan saw that the CSC won the Team Time Trial in Eindhoven yesterday. Ooooooooooo.
Please.
The T-Mobile plan was actually being for Jan to compete in both events yesterday, and for the Team Time Trial the entire T-Mobile team would simply crawl onto the Jan's back, and then hold onto each other like some giant pink sphere of pain, and the Jan would just carry them the whole way. We even thought of maybe just driving the T-Mobile team bus onto my back and the Jan could just carry that, but when we tried it, little Matty Kessler started crying and said he was being scared and then he wouldn't get in the bus, and I'm like, Bro! Get in the ****ing bus! I am, like, already having the bus on my back! You better get freaking in there, crap face! But he wouldn't.
Sheep. The Jan is surrounded by sheep.
On the good news, the Jan is thinking he going to be starting updating regularly in the run-up to the Tour. The Jan is thinking of doing a daily update for the Tour, even, and like putting fancy computer internets graphics and stuff on his page. The Jan is being a little surprised at the many thousands of daily hits he is getting, and he is even breaking the top 100 blogs of the MySpace sometimes, which is meaning that the fans of the Jan are probably mostly a bunch of 40 year-old pederasts and maybe only 17 people who actually are liking to ride the bikes.
Konabumm said:
The Jan has answers.
You know, people are always being saying to the Jan, "Oh god! Oh God, NO! Please! Please God, have mercy! I don't even know you! Why would you do that? Someone HELP.... aargggchhhhh...."
Also, one time, a guy was being saying to the Jan, "Hey, the Jan."
And the Jan was like, "Yes, mortal."
And the guy was like, "Hey, you should totally be doing a mailbag sometime."
And the Jan was like, "You bore me. The Jan will see your kidneys now."
But later, when the Jan had washed off, I thought, "This is maybe being a good idea. Yes, the Jan shall do a mailbag."
So the Jan had the sweet sex with a bag of mail. This was not, in fact, a good idea. What can the Jan say, things got weird.
But the Jan is here to answer your questions. Go ahead, the Jan is always listening. And watching.
Q: Dear the Jan, you are being so great and totally awesome. I am a worm beneath the unholy heel of your clipless pedal shoes. Should I be taking the drugs to match one tenth of your awesome, earth shattering power? - Steve from Vancouver
A: Yes.
Q: Oh great and mighty Jan, who doth fill this vale of tears with fire and death with every stroke of your massive thighs, why do you ride such big gears. - Eli from Valencia
A. Because the cycling is pain. The cycling is soul crushing pain. The cycling is meant to make mothers weep, to make children scream, to crush the souls of the weak. The cycling is not spin class. Sure the Jan could ride a gear that is being the size of a tea cup, like Marinara Boy Basso, but the Jan is not here to dance. The Jan is here to reap.
Q. Oh my cruel dark lord, the Jan, master of all that dies and is never reborn. What is with Dave Zabriskie? - Sara from, um, the Antartica.
A. The Jan is having no idea. Dave Zabriskie is being the only mortal on this earth that is giving the Jan the willies. The Jan sees him in the interviews and it is like, dude, that guy is totally being a psycho robot. He is being having less personality than a roll of carpet. Personally, the Jan thinks he is being invented by Bjarne Riss and the CSC as an android who feels no pain, which is being the only way he is coming close to challenging the Jan in the time trials.
Q. Oh the Jan, you are dark and evil and blah, blah, etc., etc. So. What was with "The Look" everyone talks about that the Lance was being giving you in the 2003 Tour? Shoe - from, oh, let's say, Closet
A. Yes, well, it may be being hard for to you to be believing, but even with one ball, that guy is still a massive dick.
You know, people are always being saying to the Jan, "Oh god! Oh God, NO! Please! Please God, have mercy! I don't even know you! Why would you do that? Someone HELP.... aargggchhhhh...."
Also, one time, a guy was being saying to the Jan, "Hey, the Jan."
And the Jan was like, "Yes, mortal."
And the guy was like, "Hey, you should totally be doing a mailbag sometime."
And the Jan was like, "You bore me. The Jan will see your kidneys now."
But later, when the Jan had washed off, I thought, "This is maybe being a good idea. Yes, the Jan shall do a mailbag."
So the Jan had the sweet sex with a bag of mail. This was not, in fact, a good idea. What can the Jan say, things got weird.
But the Jan is here to answer your questions. Go ahead, the Jan is always listening. And watching.
Q: Dear the Jan, you are being so great and totally awesome. I am a worm beneath the unholy heel of your clipless pedal shoes. Should I be taking the drugs to match one tenth of your awesome, earth shattering power? - Steve from Vancouver
A: Yes.
Q: Oh great and mighty Jan, who doth fill this vale of tears with fire and death with every stroke of your massive thighs, why do you ride such big gears. - Eli from Valencia
A. Because the cycling is pain. The cycling is soul crushing pain. The cycling is meant to make mothers weep, to make children scream, to crush the souls of the weak. The cycling is not spin class. Sure the Jan could ride a gear that is being the size of a tea cup, like Marinara Boy Basso, but the Jan is not here to dance. The Jan is here to reap.
Q. Oh my cruel dark lord, the Jan, master of all that dies and is never reborn. What is with Dave Zabriskie? - Sara from, um, the Antartica.
A. The Jan is having no idea. Dave Zabriskie is being the only mortal on this earth that is giving the Jan the willies. The Jan sees him in the interviews and it is like, dude, that guy is totally being a psycho robot. He is being having less personality than a roll of carpet. Personally, the Jan thinks he is being invented by Bjarne Riss and the CSC as an android who feels no pain, which is being the only way he is coming close to challenging the Jan in the time trials.
Q. Oh the Jan, you are dark and evil and blah, blah, etc., etc. So. What was with "The Look" everyone talks about that the Lance was being giving you in the 2003 Tour? Shoe - from, oh, let's say, Closet
A. Yes, well, it may be being hard for to you to be believing, but even with one ball, that guy is still a massive dick.
The Jan say, Mmmm
This site is still good
Bump...he updated his page.
"The Jan is being a simple man. The Jan takes in schnitzel and beer, and outputs death and pain. It is being that simple."
"People of France, gather your children. Run to the hills. For the Jan is coming. And death rides with him."
"The Jan is being a simple man. The Jan takes in schnitzel and beer, and outputs death and pain. It is being that simple."
"People of France, gather your children. Run to the hills. For the Jan is coming. And death rides with him."
Hahahha...I read that this a.m. too. I'm not a big Jan fan, but whoever this joker is that is doing his page has got me ready to cheer him on in the Tour!!moff_quigley said:
Next to last the Jan post:
The Final the Jan Post... 
The reflux will be being missing the Jan's daily updates of pain, soul crushing, and speaking of yummy delicious puppies. It is being a sad day for the Reflux, the Jan, and the sport of cycles.
reflux said:
the N8 is being the sad too...
It is being a very sad day. I was looking forward to the daily updates from the crusher of souls during LeTour.
Dream popper those poptarts
As the N8 mentioned, are the poptarts also being the sad?? Do poptarts being come in the flavors of the blood of babies?Ciaran said:
This whole tour thing is really bumming me out.
I mean The Erastus is the sad
I mean The Erastus is the sad