Kerry, Edwards Tout Hair-Based Platform
Chappaquiddick Post | 2004-07-07 | Ben Dover
CLEVELAND -- Following up previous comments where presumptive Democrat nominee John Kerry (D-MA) stated about himself and newly-chosen running mate John Edwards (D-NC), "we've got better vision, better ideas, real plans, we've got a better sense of what's happening to America and we've got better hair," Kerry and Edwards joined together to discuss their opinion that superior hair would have prevented the 9/11 terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington D.C.
"George Bush has mediocre hair," began Edwards, "and Dick Cheney hardly even has hair. It's obvious that John Kerry and I hold a significant hair advantage in this race."
Kerry followed up with the central argument of the Kerry/Edwards hair-based platform. "We all know that the hair makes the man... good hair projects an image of leadership and unwavering cowering to the will of the United Nations. With that kind of leadership -- leadership obviously lacking in the Bush regime -- terrorists would never have dared strike the United States."
When reminded that good-haired Bill Clinton's administration was also a target of terrorist attacks, including attacks on US soil, Edwards replied that "while President Clinton had very nice hair, Al Gore's hair was, to put it bluntly, a total disaster."
"Fake," added Kerry. "And fake is something the Kerry/Edwards ticket knows better than anyone."
