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Leogang Lizard Cup 2018

slyfink

slyfink

Turbo Monkey
Sep 16, 2008
9,784
5,602
Ottawa, Canada
that top section looks like some of the lines all the UK riders dig in the north and in scotland that they show in the Rankin videos and british pie videos. I don't know how much time there is to be gained, but I think the brits will rule that section. Atwill looked perfect through there. sick!
 
Mo(n)arch

Mo(n)arch

Turbo Monkey
Dec 27, 2010
4,459
1,457
Italy/south Tyrol
aaronjb said:
Cathro's videos and analysis are excellent. Shame he's hamstrung by the time limits and other restrictions, but I guess it's a miracle that the UCI lets him film at all given the Redbull moneyhat.
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Well, it‘s possible that if the views of his videos are in a certain range he could get possibly get a paycheck from them in the future. At least I hope so.
 
Gary

Gary

my pronouns are hag/gis
Aug 27, 2002
8,493
6,379
UK
slyfink said:
that top section looks like some of the lines all the UK riders dig in the north and in scotland that they show in the Rankin videos and british pie videos. I don't know how much time there is to be gained, but I think the brits will rule that section. Atwill looked perfect through there. sick!
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Hmm... I'm not really seeing the Scottish axle deep rutted terns the beys love so much that you seem to be. But talking of Atwill

 
William42

William42

fork ways
Jul 31, 2007
4,012
771
Screenshot (7).png

Luca is going fast this year, I'm hopeful he'll get his first win this year

Followup, top 4 separated by less than a second. Times are tight!
 
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Sandro

Sandro

Terrified of Cucumbers
Nov 12, 2006
3,228
2,541
The old world
Did Gwin get hurt in Fort Bill? Brook MacDonald was doing ultraviolence to the track in practice, hope he can make up for his disappointment in Croatia.
 
jackalope

jackalope

Mental acuity - 1%
Jan 9, 2004
7,699
6,107
in a single wide, cooking meth...
Despite receiving numerous sternly written letters from Red Bull and their attorneys (Fink & Skink, PLC) regarding intellectual properties and copyright issues, I have courageously chosen to ignore these cold blooded thrisssssts and shall continue to post the the critical information my fellow monkeys need to make informed decisions about the outcome of WC races. This will content will become even more valuable as more states legalize sports betting, at which time I may start charging a nominal fee if you call my toll-free number to get the goods.


So here we are again, in Leogang, arguably where the term "bike park track" was first coined. The last place where a strong sized wheel won a WC race, and where Park Jesus somehow managed to win without a (Sram) chain. Its also where Loic "I'm really apathetic about Gwin" Bruni blew the final corner on a what was going to be a winning race run and where the aforementioned Park Jesus put in a damn fast run on nothing more than a rear rim (perhaps suggesting that Luca may forego a tire altogether, tell SC to fuck directly off and run a DT-471 with some Cush Core taped around it). Points race is still really tight thanks to Park Jesus losing his Rock Jesus status and going OTB in the Ft. Bill rock bog, so this is a big weekend for the top guys if they want to maintain a realistic look at the overall. So let's lay it out for the people, free of charge (for now) :


* Like JBP, the Leogang track is (really) old and sucks for/at bikes.

* It's time...If Park Jesus got it done sans (Sram) chain, its now Rach's turn to return the favor and win without a (Sram) chain. Plus, if she comes out of the start gate without a (Sram) chain, it will make it less likely she would bang her knees on the handlebar or otherwise bobble when the (Sram) chain snaps in mid-pedal stroke.

* Austria has the 11th highest "quality of life index", whereas Freedom Land comes in at 17. As a patriot, I find this highly disturbing and believe we should, umm, "forcefully visit" them and bring freedom to their idyllic corner of Yurp. I would have Cracker Barrels at every street corner in Vienna. A fried chicken in every pot full of gravy if you will.

* Well shit, Glock is HQ'd in Austria, so it sounds like they already have a freedom dispensary...However I bet they don't have any Cracker Barrels, so I think there is still reason to "unilaterally insert ourselves" to establish these centers for Diafreedes™.

* If you ever visit Vienna, make sure to comply with local customs and drink your Vienna coffee with 1/2 can of Vienna Sausages and 2 Vienna Keebler cookies mixed in. It may sound odd, but hey, when in Rome...

* I petitioned the UCI to formally change the name of the Leogang event to "Yes, we know this isn't Schladming or Maribor, but they won't pay us our blood money, so Leogang it is damn it". Certainly a mouthful, but at least it preemptively addresses the inevitable complaints about it not being somewhere else in central Yurp.

* Falco has more Top 40 hits than fellow Austrian musician Johann Strauss. Just sayin...#the80srule

* Is there a more bad ass name than Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart? Fucking Wolfgang! Maybe if Leogang changed its name to Wolfgang, people would bitch about it less.

* Jesus titty slapping Christ, this better be the last year they race here because I'm running out of things to say about this place.




Right then, that's all straight forward enough - I don't even need Big Blue to compute the podium for me:



1.) Luke Cockburn:


1.) Ok, if there's a more bad ass name than Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, its fucking Luke Cockburn. How this alabaster, thick veiny shaft of a man has eluded our attention until now is a mystery that may never be solved. Filling the void left by GM, Mr. Cockburn slides into the Syndicate to pound the hapless Leogangbang track into submission, and give the new V10 to its first orgasimic happy ending. It also continues the tradition of a ginger on the podium, at the top step no less (suck it Park Jesus!).


2.) Greg Williamson - another surprise, eh? Not when you really think about it, and namely, when you consider his equipment. Park Jesus winning without a (Sram) chain? That's nice I guess, especially if you're a pussy...But a real man? Well, that calls for relying on certain type of equipment. I'm talking about quality equipment - and nothing says quality like Italian equipment. Think about it...Alfa Romero, Fiat, Italian tanks (still never understood why Mic said Rocky was an "Italian Tank" given their well deserved reputation for being knocked out by angry camels ) - the list goes one, and it includes Formula brakes...Known for quality and reliability, Formula builds on this reputation with the Curas...Failing at any moment, and with a bite point (when working of course) that is savage and just locks up the wheels to increase speed rather decreasing it. But hey, at least its not "squishy" . Whats not to like?! So just like Ft. Bill, Greg's brake(s) shit the bed and he raging down the track with no stoppers. But this time, the massive speed achieved by having no brakes works to Greg's advantage, and he slams his 3D printer crab0n Unno bike to 2nd place.

3.) @Flo33 - #localknowledge Well, well, well, another Monkey shocks the WC universe by making a podium worthy run on their maiden WC race attempt. No small feat mind you, especially when one considers our boy is riding a circa 1983 Puch bike (not to be confused with the other lesser known "Fuch Bikes", which eventually went on to become Ellesworth bikes).

So how did Flo33 pull this off? By imbibing enormous quantities of delicious wine from his home zone of Styria (which is quickly re-named "Hystyria" in recognition of his amazing result) , keeping things low on the motorway and by having brakes that don't fail. Prost my good man!

4.) Martin Maes - Backing up his claim that "DH is for pussies", Marty eschews the new GT DH bike and krushes the gnur with his Endureau steed. His secret to success? Two things really: a fanny pack chock full of all the cycling accoutrements a rider needs to survive, which comes in handy when he has a mech, and unlike his idiot EWS compadre Grubby, he knows how to make the repair mid-race run. But more importantly, Marty is rocking the latest in Endureau fashion, the new Le Douche line from TLD:


How does it work? Simple really...its so god damned hideous, it forces you to ride out of your mind and get down the hill so you can change into something less saturated in douche juice.

5.) Conchita Wurst - Despite the unfortunate last name, Austria's biggest(?) pop star makes a sensational foray into the WC scene by shashaying his(?) way onto the podium. Donning an absolutely gorgeous plunging V-cut white Coco Chanel dress, our favorite Man-Tran rips down the track astride a latex clad slave boi (with a ball gag...obviously), using an alternative lifestyle perspective to take previously unseen alternative lines. Sadly, if unsurprisingly, during the post race interview with Wyn Masters, Cochita reveals that he(?) too has been the subject of sexual advances by the current POTUS...Sad


Fraus:

1.) Vali Höll - The UCI takes pity on the other Jr ladies and goes ahead and lets Vali donkey punch the elite chicas
2.) Tawny - she seems to have taken a liking to this track and is back on form
3.) Trace - because timed training means everything!
4.) Rach - this time her (Sram) chain breaks and gets caught in her wheel and slows her down
5.) Monika Hrastnik - mainly because shes on my fantasy team
 
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F

fwp

Monkey
Jun 5, 2013
415
410
Doubt Gwin was full gas even with the bad thumb, when I saw the result I thought maybe he doesn't want to be the last man down the hill if the weather is iffy? Seems like this season is USA vs France battling to be the top dogs of downhill. Love it
 
William42

William42

fork ways
Jul 31, 2007
4,012
771
Lu
fwp said:
Doubt Gwin was full gas even with the bad thumb, when I saw the result I thought maybe he doesn't want to be the last man down the hill if the weather is iffy? Seems like this season is USA vs France battling to be the top dogs of downhill. Love it
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I think Brook McDonald might have something to say about the "USA vs France" thing.
 
Mo(n)arch

Mo(n)arch

Turbo Monkey
Dec 27, 2010
4,459
1,457
Italy/south Tyrol
William42 said:
Lu


I think Brook McDonald might have something to say about the "USA vs France" thing.
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It's absolutely awesome seeing him back in the mix. Being back on the Mondraker was the best thing that could have happen to him.
Nonetheless, I find it astonishing that the GT, which was a winner under the Athertons, didn't work for him and others aswell.
He openly admitted in an interview with Warner that the bike was that sh!tty, that he lost his ability to corner.
 
F

fwp

Monkey
Jun 5, 2013
415
410
Mo(n)arch said:
It's absolutely awesome seeing him back in the mix. Being back on the Mondraker was the best thing that could have happen to him.
Nonetheless, I find it astonishing that the GT, which was a winner under the Athertons, didn't work for him and others aswell.
He openly admitted in an interview with Warner that the bike was that sh!tty, that he lost his ability to corner.
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I would love to see Brook win here more than anyone else tomorrow, I meant it seems like every race is either the Americans or the Frenchies hogging the podium
 
toodles

toodles

ridiculously corgi proportioned
Aug 24, 2004
5,824
5,201
Australia
Sandro said:
Who will be the first pro to admit to changing his lines after watching Cathrovision the night before the race?
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Cathro's level of detail into line choice, speed retention, exit speed and sneaky seconds to be grabbed here and there has just highlighted to me why I had no fucken chance of winning when I raced DH. I honestly based all my line choices on either which way the bike was bouncing on the approaches, or which way let me stay off the brakes the most. I'm finding Cathro's stuff to be deadset fascinating to watch - just wish I'd watched it 15 years ago when I needed to though.
 
slyfink

slyfink

Turbo Monkey
Sep 16, 2008
9,784
5,602
Ottawa, Canada
Gary said:
Hmm... I'm not really seeing the Scottish axle deep rutted terns the beys love so much that you seem to be. But talking of Atwill

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Yeah. The course walk made it seem to me like there were a lot more grassy sections. But it's seems fairly limited. Just the first one or two turns maybe?
 
B

Bike078

Monkey
Jan 11, 2018
599
440
spes said:
Isak is riding Canyon Sender. Pole was not ready, he will ride other bike rest of the season.
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Did he ride the long pole in fort william? Maybe he did so well this time in leogang because he was on a shorter bike?
 
A

aaronjb

Turbo Monkey
Jul 22, 2010
1,105
659
Cathro's latest vid has a bit about him talking with Redbull about longer videos, and he makes it sound like a promising scenario.

Also, hit his Patreon and give the man a few bucks a month if you like the content.
 
shelteringsky

shelteringsky

Monkey
May 21, 2010
324
271
A

aaronjb

Turbo Monkey
Jul 22, 2010
1,105
659
Ouch - that's tough luck for Seagrave on the DSQ. Anyone see where her finishing time would have put her without that?

(Nevermind - third)
 
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