Turkey
You might encounter any of several turkey situations.
1] You have a frozen turkey: Turkeys should defrost in the refrigerator for 4 days or so, but if you don't have that long, you can accelerate the process by soaking the turkey in a large bucket of cold water (or even a clean sink). Remove the wrapping as soon as you can. Be sure to change the water every half hour so the exterior of the bird doesn't warm up too much. For a medium-sized turkey, this method should take 6 to 8 hours.
2] You have a turkey (fresh or frozen) but no time to brine: Don't sweat it. You'll give up some flavor and juiciness, but your guests will forgive you. Put the turkey on the roasting rack breast side down for the first hour of roasting, then flip it over (using wadded up paper towels to protect your hands) for the remainder of the roasting time.
3] You don't have a turkey: Call local supermarkets and butchers to see if they have something in the right size. If not, go for one or more turkey breasts, which you can usually find either fresh or frozen in a supermarket, butcher's shop, or deli. You prepare them the same way as whole turkeys, except that you leave out the stuffing and roast for a shorter period of time (looking for the same final breast temperature as for whole turkeys).
4] There are no fresh or frozen turkeys or turkey breasts to be had: See if you can find a cooked turkey breast that you can reheat. Alternatively, consider roasting a chicken instead (using the same directions, but with less stuffing inside).
5] Your turkey is taking too long to cook: If you underestimated the roasting time, which can happen for any number of reasons, you could end up with hungry guests and an undercooked turkey. The easiest thing to do is raise your oven's temperature -- you can go as high as 500°F (260°C). Also consider removing the drumsticks and putting them in a separate pan (to help both parts cook more quickly); you can serve whichever part is done first while the other finishes cooking. If the breast in particular is far underdone, try removing the stuffing (carefully!) to help hot air get into the center of the turkey.
6] Your turkey comes out of the oven overcooked: The most likely cause of overcooked turkey is a broken thermometer. Though rare, this can happen. Go ahead and carve the entire turkey; you can most likely salvage meat closer to the center of the bird, which takes longer to cook. Even the drier meat might taste all right with liberal helpings of gravy!
Gravy
Don't even think about making your own gravy if you're facing a time crunch. Go for prepared gravy from your supermarket or deli. Packets of dry gravy mix from McCormick and Knorr are also passable, but most cans and jars you find on the shelf leave an awful lot to be desired.
Stuffing (aka Dressing)
If you're running short on cooking time, you can save a few steps by picking up some stuffing mix. It won't taste as good, but your guests will forgive you. To save even more time, don't stuff the turkey -- cook the stuffing separately (following package instructions). This may also make your turkey cook somewhat faster. Tip: Be sure to buy, and prepare, plenty of stuffing. Always get more than you think you need!
Mashed Potatoes
I suggest reserving instant mashed potatoes for only the gravest of emergencies (cuz they suck.) Apart from that, there aren't many mashed potato shortcuts.
Candied Sweet Potatoes
Sweet potatoes take a while to cook, and although not much of that time requires your direct involvement, you may still run into timing problems. I can offer two suggestions:
1] Skip the sweet potatoes. If you can pull off the rest of the dishes successfully, your guests won't mind.
2] Buy canned sweet potatoes. Then bake them in a casserole with sugar, just as though they were freshly boiled. But seriously: Do this only in a real emergency.
Cranberry Sauce
If you don't have the time or resources to make cranberry sauce, simply buy some in a jar or can. It's not worth sweating over.
Pumpkin Pie and Whipped Cream
As with the gravy, this is absolutely not worth stressing over if time's against you. If you have a little time, buy a frozen pie crust and canned pumpkin pie filling (as opposed to plain pumpkin); put the one in the other and bake. If you have no time, buy a pie from a bakery or supermarket. And don't forget to pick up a canister of whipped cream.
All-Out Emergency
One final note. Sometimes other sorts of disasters can occur that I can't even begin to predict but which occur regularly in television sitcoms. Perhaps there's a power outage halfway through cooking the meal and your electric oven goes kaput. Maybe the dog eats your turkey and walks in the other dishes. Or some personal crisis arises that utterly prevents you from finishing the cooking. At times like these, the thing to remember is that the meal is not the most important thing about Thanksgiving; it's your family and friends.
Take a few deep calming breaths and suggest a caravan to the nearest restaurant, which will probably have plenty of open tables today. I've survived Thanksgiving with a turkey dinner at Denny's and lived to cook again -- you can too!
You might encounter any of several turkey situations.
1] You have a frozen turkey: Turkeys should defrost in the refrigerator for 4 days or so, but if you don't have that long, you can accelerate the process by soaking the turkey in a large bucket of cold water (or even a clean sink). Remove the wrapping as soon as you can. Be sure to change the water every half hour so the exterior of the bird doesn't warm up too much. For a medium-sized turkey, this method should take 6 to 8 hours.
2] You have a turkey (fresh or frozen) but no time to brine: Don't sweat it. You'll give up some flavor and juiciness, but your guests will forgive you. Put the turkey on the roasting rack breast side down for the first hour of roasting, then flip it over (using wadded up paper towels to protect your hands) for the remainder of the roasting time.
3] You don't have a turkey: Call local supermarkets and butchers to see if they have something in the right size. If not, go for one or more turkey breasts, which you can usually find either fresh or frozen in a supermarket, butcher's shop, or deli. You prepare them the same way as whole turkeys, except that you leave out the stuffing and roast for a shorter period of time (looking for the same final breast temperature as for whole turkeys).
4] There are no fresh or frozen turkeys or turkey breasts to be had: See if you can find a cooked turkey breast that you can reheat. Alternatively, consider roasting a chicken instead (using the same directions, but with less stuffing inside).
5] Your turkey is taking too long to cook: If you underestimated the roasting time, which can happen for any number of reasons, you could end up with hungry guests and an undercooked turkey. The easiest thing to do is raise your oven's temperature -- you can go as high as 500°F (260°C). Also consider removing the drumsticks and putting them in a separate pan (to help both parts cook more quickly); you can serve whichever part is done first while the other finishes cooking. If the breast in particular is far underdone, try removing the stuffing (carefully!) to help hot air get into the center of the turkey.
6] Your turkey comes out of the oven overcooked: The most likely cause of overcooked turkey is a broken thermometer. Though rare, this can happen. Go ahead and carve the entire turkey; you can most likely salvage meat closer to the center of the bird, which takes longer to cook. Even the drier meat might taste all right with liberal helpings of gravy!
Gravy
Don't even think about making your own gravy if you're facing a time crunch. Go for prepared gravy from your supermarket or deli. Packets of dry gravy mix from McCormick and Knorr are also passable, but most cans and jars you find on the shelf leave an awful lot to be desired.
Stuffing (aka Dressing)
If you're running short on cooking time, you can save a few steps by picking up some stuffing mix. It won't taste as good, but your guests will forgive you. To save even more time, don't stuff the turkey -- cook the stuffing separately (following package instructions). This may also make your turkey cook somewhat faster. Tip: Be sure to buy, and prepare, plenty of stuffing. Always get more than you think you need!
Mashed Potatoes
I suggest reserving instant mashed potatoes for only the gravest of emergencies (cuz they suck.) Apart from that, there aren't many mashed potato shortcuts.
Candied Sweet Potatoes
Sweet potatoes take a while to cook, and although not much of that time requires your direct involvement, you may still run into timing problems. I can offer two suggestions:
1] Skip the sweet potatoes. If you can pull off the rest of the dishes successfully, your guests won't mind.
2] Buy canned sweet potatoes. Then bake them in a casserole with sugar, just as though they were freshly boiled. But seriously: Do this only in a real emergency.
Cranberry Sauce
If you don't have the time or resources to make cranberry sauce, simply buy some in a jar or can. It's not worth sweating over.
Pumpkin Pie and Whipped Cream
As with the gravy, this is absolutely not worth stressing over if time's against you. If you have a little time, buy a frozen pie crust and canned pumpkin pie filling (as opposed to plain pumpkin); put the one in the other and bake. If you have no time, buy a pie from a bakery or supermarket. And don't forget to pick up a canister of whipped cream.
All-Out Emergency
One final note. Sometimes other sorts of disasters can occur that I can't even begin to predict but which occur regularly in television sitcoms. Perhaps there's a power outage halfway through cooking the meal and your electric oven goes kaput. Maybe the dog eats your turkey and walks in the other dishes. Or some personal crisis arises that utterly prevents you from finishing the cooking. At times like these, the thing to remember is that the meal is not the most important thing about Thanksgiving; it's your family and friends.
Take a few deep calming breaths and suggest a caravan to the nearest restaurant, which will probably have plenty of open tables today. I've survived Thanksgiving with a turkey dinner at Denny's and lived to cook again -- you can too!
