You think people who make above minimun wage are rich and should be taxed at 90 percent.
Upon hearing that President Clinton committed a rape and murder as part of Whitewater, you replied, "So what?"
You blame the Republicans for rainy weather.
You think Hillery Clinton is, "A babe."
You think George Stephenapolis is, "A hunk."
You paid $500,000.00 for a beer keg once used by John F. Kennedy.
You ever said, "Differently abled" when you mean "crippled."
You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia.
If the years 1966 through 1974 are vague memories because of the effects of drug abuse.
You are not shocked when someone says "F---" but are profoundly shocked when someone says "N-----".
You think Newt Gingrich should be dipped in gravy train and fed to a pack of ravenous poddles.
You think that a naval aircraft carrier should be named after George McGovern, but then you remember that one aircraft carrier could feed a million starving children for a year.
Upon hearing of anything bad that has happened, the first thing you think should be done is that the oil companies should be investigated.
You are against sexual harrasment except when committed by Senator Kennedy.
You think heterosexual love is a male chauvinist plot to oppress women.
You ever referred to someone's GI Joe figurines and matching tac nukes as "War toys."
You think Al Franken is actually funny, but Rush Limbaugh is not.
You ever proposed that cockaroaches should be placed on the endangered species list.
You ever drove to an Earth Day rally in a Lincoln Towncar, or a Ferrari.
You object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not big, mean bikers wearing leather.
You never wished that Star Trek had more ship to ship combat scenes.
You once referred to President Reagan as "that man in the White House."
You own an espresso maker, a cusinart, a vibrator, and a heated water bed and yet oppose off shore oil drilling and the construction of nuclear power plants.
You think that the Unabomber "has a point."
You think that Doctors should be made into government bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not.
You cried out, "Where did I go wrong!" when your son or daughter joined the Marine Corps.
You've felt compelled to buy the child rearing book entitled, "How to get your Children to Say No in the 90s When You Said Yes in the 60s."
You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz is not.
You don't go into a fit of rage when Barney is on TV.
Or Pat Schroeder.
Or David Bonior.
You are against prayer in public schools, even before math tests.
In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom."
Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is starting to block the sun.
Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.
After a poor performance in the bedroom you find yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.
To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you wipe your own ass.
Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer.
You casually mention your "Euthanize the Homeless" idea and -- BANG! -- no sex for a month.
What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let's get to the mall and buy something!
Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse."
He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket launcher.
At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!"
It's bad enough that he looks like an extra from "Deliverance" -- now he can't keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those talk shows.
Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!"
and the Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Liberal...
She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans" again.
Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.
Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome
Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Democrats.
Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
A Democrat found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.
Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.
Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.
Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.?
A: Its the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.
Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberals ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why don't they let Liberals swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Democrat.
Q: What's the difference between a Liberal and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.
Q: What's the definition of a Democrat running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.
Q: What's the difference between God and a Democrat?
A: God knows He's not a Democrat.
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot
full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for
minimum water quality standards.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His
medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure
their safety and work as advertised.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought the ir
employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares
his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to
eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing
industry.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is
properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents
because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting
on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and
takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our
air.
He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to
work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay,
medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn't think
he should loose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
Its noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who
ruined the banking system before the depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below
market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that
Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his life-time.
Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to
dads; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal
fought for car safety standards.
He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live
in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until
some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and
demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republican's would still
be sitting in the dark)
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social
Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could
take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad
he gets back in his car for the ride home.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host's keeps saying that liberals
are bad and conservatives are good. (He doesn't tell Joe that his
beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit
Joe enjoys throughout his day) Joe agrees, 'We don't need those big
government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self made man
who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
have'.
Take a peek at the welfare reform discussion in another thread. Liberals are great at having ideas, protesting, getting petitions signed and are often filled with misguided good intentions. But they are really rather poor at actually getting $hit done.
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