Marriage topic??

Echo · Dec 16, 2004

I'll get married again if the right situation comes along, but I'm totally cool with being single the rest of my life if the right situation doesn't come along.

JRB · Dec 16, 2004

Echo said:
I'll get married again if the right situation comes along, but I'm totally cool with being single the rest of my life if the right situation doesn't come along.

Do you mean if they legalize "IT" in your state???

douglas · Dec 16, 2004

I would / Nope / Not I

pixelninja · Dec 16, 2004

Would I marry again? Yes
Would I marry the same person? Yes

I've been married for 5 years now. I love my wife dearly and couldn't see myself with anyone else. That said, we've had our differences. Last year was kinda tough but we made it through. Mainly my fault. Some of my wife's priorities have changed since we first got married, but I think that's just part of life.

DHS · Dec 16, 2004

Echo was married?

JRB · Dec 16, 2004

Now that I had my non-serious post, I will say, try to stick it out. Sometimes Julie and I are just hell on each other. Mostly it is my fault. I feel a good deal better most days about being married than I would if I were not. Weigh in whether it is so much the wife and not you. I find that in analysis, it is usually me. The real problem is, and don't take this as an accusation, make sure she would never cheat or lie or leave. My best friend can't prove that his wife cheated, but everything leans to that direction. It is unfortunate, because most days he doesn't care to be around her. He has little respect for her it seems and that is a huge strain on his mind. It is truly unfortunate. Not sure that any of that helps.

TreeSaw · Dec 16, 2004

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Nope

We have several friends who have gotten divorced in recent years and no, you are not alone. People change and sometimes go in different directions. I think the fact that you love your wife is VERY important and I hope that you two come back to the same place for your children.

I got married young (21) and have been married for 6 years. And I am completely happy with my husband.

We don't always see eye-to-eye on everything, but we have an amazing relationship and I believe we compliment each other well. We really don't fight either which is wonderful. We'll disagree on things and voice our opinions, but very rarely (I think maybe once or twice in our almost 10 years together) have a big blow-up! I guess I am lucky.

I Are Baboon · Dec 16, 2004

JSB, how long have you been married?

MtnBikerChk and I have been married 3.5 years. We're inseparable, best friends and we do everything together. I really can't possibly imagine being happier. We're on the same page with pretty much everything. I'm a lucky guy.

TreeSaw · Dec 16, 2004

DHS said:
Echo was married?

LOL!!! I had the same reaction when I first met him

JRB · Dec 16, 2004

yeah JSB - Julie is usually less dedicted to being somewhere than I am. If I get bored, I want to leave. She just tries to avoid the situation if she thinks she can.

jacksonpt · Dec 16, 2004

I probably wouldn't.

It's not that I don't love my wife (or my family for that matter), I just don't think I'm the type of person who should be married. I like to have a lot of time to myself, doing my own thing, when and how I want to do it.

I don't feel the need to have friends or constantly be around people, so spending time with my wife's friends can be hard/awkward/inconvenient/whatever the right word is.

That's not really all that conducive to a successful marriage.

jacksonpt · Dec 16, 2004

JSB said:
What prompted this is lately my wife and I are on different pages. We got married young. I still love my wife, but I feel she has turned into some one else. Her interest have changed, and I feel we're farther apart than ever before. Total opposites at times. I'd never leave her, or cheat, but it just feels like hell some times. Plus we have two awesome kids, that deserve a happy mom and dad.

I can kinda relate. My wife and I also got married (right out of college, we were both 23). Since we've gotten married, I've "grown" into someone who needs a lot of time alone. Her maternal instinct/internal clock/whatever went into overdrive shortly after we got married - so I've definitely been slowing down her plans for a family.

I'm not sure I'd say we're on different pages, but we are definitely "growing" at different rates.

Snacks · Dec 16, 2004

I was married before for a short time...didn't work out, but the ex and I are on good terms.

I have been with my b/f for 4 years now and we are totally happy just the way it is. We are planning on getting married in the future, but are in no hurry.

I would get married again. I think it didn't work out for a number of reasons, that I have learned from and won't make the same mistakes again.

jacksonpt · Dec 16, 2004

I Are Baboon said:
MtnBikerChk and I have been married 3.5 years. We're inseparable, best friends and we do everything together. I really can't possibly imagine being happier. We're on the same page with pretty much everything. I'm a lucky guy.

Very cool - congrats to both of you. :thumb:

pixelninja · Dec 16, 2004

JSB said:
I think I'm in that year you just went through.
I feel like she's become this major intervert. Friends basically stop inviting us to things, because she never wants to go. She claims she's always tire or drained, but shoot isn't everyone. Last not we were talking about our christmas plans, and she goes off about how she's only staying 2 hours, and if I want to stay I can but she's going home. WTF! It's one day a year. Maybe it's me like like you said it was mainly you. I don't know.

Everyone's situation is different, but like Loco wrote, really be honest with yourself. It takes 2 to tango. Not saying against you or that things are your fault, but honesty in a marriage is VERY important. Maybe she's depressed about something? Maybe she's simply a solitary person but doesn't know how to express it so she makes up excuses? I don't know. I hope things work out for you.

I get like your wife sometimes. Sometimes I just don't want to be social. At least she's not trying to force you to be anti-social along with her. It bugs me sometimes that my wife wants me to do things when all I want to do is be at home.

narlus · Dec 16, 2004

jacksonpt, do you have kids? i don't wanna come off as an armchair philospher, but from my experience, the amount of time you have to yrself once kids enter the picture is not much (unless you get a nanny or something like that).

JSB, i am totally happy w/ my marriage. we've known each other for 15 years and been married for just over 10. i would definitely do it again.

stosh · Dec 16, 2004

loco said:
Do you mean if they legalize "IT" in your state???

Dude you can't marry Marijuana.

jacksonpt · Dec 16, 2004

narlus said:
jacksonpt, do you have kids? i don't wanna come off as an armchair philospher, but from my experience, the amount of time you have to yrself once kids enter the picture is not much (unless you get a nanny or something like that).

yes - an almost 3year old and another one on the way. Kids are easily the best part of marriage. Of course I say that now...

MMike · Dec 16, 2004

I Are Baboon said:
JSB, how long have you been married?

MtnBikerChk and I have been married 3.5 years. We're inseparable, best friends and we do everything together. I really can't possibly imagine being happier. We're on the same page with pretty much everything. I'm a lucky guy.

You HAVE to say that cuz she's reading this........

Wumpus · Dec 16, 2004

loco said:
My best friend can't prove that his wife cheated, but everything leans to that direction. It is unfortunate, because most days he doesn't care to be around her. He has little respect for her it seems and that is a huge strain on his mind. It is truly unfortunate. Not sure that any of that helps.

I'm hurt. I thought I was your best friend.

Slugman · Dec 16, 2004

JSB said:
I think I'm in that year you just went through.
I feel like she's become this major intervert. Friends basically stop inviting us to things, because she never wants to go. She claims she's always tire or drained, but shoot isn't everyone. Last not we were talking about our christmas plans, and she goes off about how she's only staying 2 hours, and if I want to stay I can but she's going home. WTF! It's one day a year. Maybe it's me like like you said it was mainly you. I don't know.

Has she become obsessed in any way... like kinda OCD about some items? And how old are the Children?

I only ask becasue a Freind of mine's wife had a lot of trouble (mentally) after their last child... but not right away. It took a year + to manifest. She became OCD about things being clean, didn't want to leave the house, and started to lash out at my freind.

It got bad and then worse...

Wumpus · Dec 16, 2004

jacksonpt said:
Since we've gotten married, I've "grown" into someone who needs a lot of time alone.

Yep, I think that is why I like to ride solo a lot. With two kids you don't get much alone time. Makes me pretty cranky when I don't get my ride time.

MtnBikerChk · Dec 16, 2004

MMike said:
You HAVE to say that cuz she's reading this........

I'm so busy I probably wouldn't have seen this thread except he pointed it out

:blah:

jacksonpt · Dec 16, 2004

I know what you mean... I have a zillion potential hobbies. However, I've started getting out of them, mostly for financial reasons surrounding our growing family. I sold off all my fish tanks, and I'm slowing getting out of off-roading. My only real hobby is going to be mountain biking - and I'm not giving that up. It's kind of like a religion to me, so...

I find that if I spend a lot of time thinking about the things I can't have/do because I'm married or have a child, I get pretty miserable. If I focus on the things that make me the happiest (my daughter), then I'm generally pretty happy... so in that reguard, it's very much a mind game for me.

To me... being married or not isn't so much a question of how happy I currently am, but rather how happy I would be. It's not that I'm unhappy being married (which I'm not - I like my life), I think I would be happier if I wasn't married. I also think my wife would be happier with someone else... soemone who has the same immediate focus on family.

Now, that's waaaaay oversimplified things, but you get the point.

DHS · Dec 16, 2004

jacksonpt said:
I don't feel the need to have friends or constantly be around peopleQUOTE]

but you're on here more then i am.
hm, guess you just can't stand seeing people.
yea i wish i was telepathic too

stosh · Dec 16, 2004

JSB said:
I think we're similar in that fashion, and that might be why I should look at myself I guess. Right when I started obtaining the things I wanted, she wanted to start the family. Then sacrafices started. Some of which I wasn't ready for, but agreed. I love to hang with friends, even if it's just hanging out at a house or something. Then I love my hobbies. I think I'm a hobby-aholic. The more I say this shat out loud the more I feel I'm whining and being selfish with my thoughts. Dang it! That pisses me off . Even so, we're on the road to recovery as far as sacraficing goes, and I want to jump back on board with some things, but she's not as interested. She's says things like, I can't do that I'm a mother now. Moms don't do that. I tried to talk her into a group cruise last year with friends. Nope. She's a mom now and doesn't have that luxury. What luxury? My mother offered to watch the kids. What's the problem? Rant rant rant, I know. It's just frustrating I guess.

Thank god my GF both loves and hates kids and her and I are both selfish because I think kids are far off in our future should we ever get married.

My girlfriend is both my best friend and worst enemy(sometimes) which I think stems from our selfishness and not willing to give in to eachother even though in the end we always do.

See here's the crossroads I'm at, everybody keeps asking me when we're getting married, I have (now get this) guys at working telling me to get married. I'm ready but I have no idea why I can't move forward... it's strange.... just knowing that I'll never be single again is fuggin weird.... plus I can't seem to understand that I'm old enough to get married, I still feel like I'm 12 sometimes....

SkaredShtles · Dec 16, 2004

pixelninja said:
Would I marry again? Yes
Would I marry the same person? Yes

I've been married for 5 years now. I love my wife dearly and couldn't see myself with anyone else. <snip>

Ummm... except it's *my* wife, not Pixel's wife. I mean the woman I married. I mean.....

Never mind. :mumble: Apparently 3 kids has robbed me of my communication skills.

-S.S.-

jacksonpt · Dec 16, 2004

Wumpus said:
Yep, I think that is why I like to ride solo a lot. With two kids you don't get much alone time. Makes me pretty cranky when I don't get my ride time.

yea, me too. My wife doesn't understand it, but she has grown to accept it (as long as my ride time isn't more than twice a week or so). Riding is very therapudic... and excellent stress reliever. I ride the best when I'm frustrated/angry with something that's going on in my life.

I Are Baboon · Dec 16, 2004

MtnBikerChk said:
I'm so busy I probably wouldn't have seen this thread except he pointed it out

So did my Xmas present just get bigger? :monkey:

jacksonpt · Dec 16, 2004

DHS said:
but you're on here more then i am.
hm, guess you just can't stand seeing people.
yea i wish i was telepathic too

I guess I should clerify... it's not that I don't like being around people... it's that I hate the games that people play. There are only about 3 people on this planet I can be myself around... everyone else I put on a dog and pony show for. I've got my 2 or 3 friends, that's good enough for me. I have no interest in meeting other people, making new friends, spending time with people.

To me, there's a huuuuuge difference between the people I call my friends (all 2 or 3 of them), and my aquaintances (people I work with, people I ride with, etc.). Most people don't understand that.

having to act to make someone else happy is BS. F them!

On RM... I can ignore people/threads all I want. I know this will surprise some people... but this isn't exactly a social experience. This is no different than writing letters - there is no personal interaction.

SkaredShtles · Dec 16, 2004

JSB said:
<snip> I tried to talk her into a group cruise last year with friends. Nope. She's a mom now and doesn't have that luxury. What luxury? My mother offered to watch the kids. What's the problem? Rant rant rant, I know. It's just frustrating I guess.

Do you pay the bills, or does she? I mean actually write checks/make payments? If it's her, you should check things out yourself sometime - maybe she's being conservative because she worries for the future........ Just a thought.

-S.S.-

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