Fortunately, I was riding and racing long before me and the wife met.jacksonpt said:
Marriage topic??
- Thread starter JSB
- Start date
No, I pay them. She did while she stayed home, and it like this. She'll pay the minimum, and leave the money in the bank, and look we have money to spend. WTF!!! Now my credit card is freaking rediculous in my eyes.SkaredShtles said:
jacksonpt said:
You sold your tanks!!! Dang I bet that was hard. You had a nice reef going. I haven't sold mine yet. My FS isn't going anywhere. I've only been able to get a weekend ride in early in the morning so she doesn't half to run the house herself for too long. Makes for a COLD A$$ ride. Which in turn causes me to have to ride alone rather than with friends. Offroading Ha! It's my 4runner is an A to B vehicle. No time for that.
I think I'm right there with you.
I think I may see why the cruise got the Ixnay.......JSB said:
Stick it out, mate. Things will probably get better. Hopefully she'll perk up and get interested in things again. Just give her alot of support. Take the kids out - give her some alone time. Kids are alot of work.
-S.S.-
Sounds like you've been simplifying. That's good. Now I'd recommend getting rid of the credit cards. Cut 'em up.JSB said:
-S.S.-
Bad things happen to good relationships all the time. I have been married for almost 10 years now, and my wife and I have gone through almost everything together, aside from divorce and bankruptcy, although both have been very close at times. I grew up in Oregon, met my wife, from Detroit, and moved to Michigan with her so she could go to business school. We then moved to NYC, and have been here ever since. After 4 years of marriage, we were at a place where we had to decide if the last 5 bucks in the checking account went to gas for the car, or food. She got a great job in NYC, and after 6 years of marriage, I was horribly depressed by being in the city, and would not go do anything, lost my job, quit riding, lost 30 lbs.(I only weighed 150 at the time), and almost lost my wife. There was an incident of cheating, a near divorce, and a month of sleeping in seperate states. I am not a talker, but she sat me down and explained that we needed to talk to someone that could give us an outsiders view of our relationship, and if it helped us work some things out, then good, and if it didn't we weren't going to be any worse off than the spot we were in. Getting a non-partisan individual involved can help you see things in a different way, but be prepared to take some lumps, as couple counciling is one of the hardest things in the world to do. Needless to say, we are on the way to our 10th anniversary, pretty happy for the most part.....JSB said:
And she loves it when I go riding...gives her some "alone" time, and lets me blow off any steam I have....
that's a good suggestion. it's give and take. if you wanna go ride, go fishing, or whatever it is you wanna do in yr free time, remember that your wife has interests outside of child-minding too. give her some time to pursue what she wants to do.SkaredShtles said:Just give her alot of support. Take the kids out - give her some alone time. Kids are alot of work.
-S.S.-
Hey Jackson, Does your wife have gender roll issues? The couselor we went to said my wife does. My wife was fun as heck when dating. I think it was because she was more of a tom boy. Well that carried over into our marriage too. She has a problem with doing things that a woman would "typically", yet I'm still expected to follow the mans roll. That's more to add to the mix, on top of everything else.
I hope these guys thinking about asking their girl friend to marry them think long and hard. I think some woman actually change right when they get married. As if it was a roll change because now she is considered married. Like there is some expectation of want a married woman does. I don't know. I think some men think that hey I'm dating this woman, we pretty much live together, what would it hurt if I was to marry her. Nothing would really change.....THINK AGAIN my friend.
I hope these guys thinking about asking their girl friend to marry them think long and hard. I think some woman actually change right when they get married. As if it was a roll change because now she is considered married. Like there is some expectation of want a married woman does. I don't know. I think some men think that hey I'm dating this woman, we pretty much live together, what would it hurt if I was to marry her. Nothing would really change.....THINK AGAIN my friend.
J
JRB
Guest
I have a few and yes, you make the cut, honey.Wumpus said:I'm hurt. I thought I was your best friend.
narlus said:
That's so difficult at times, because it usually involves something like a 4 hour nap. So I guess I would have to do what SkaredShtles mentioned and take the kids out.
So far this has been pretty incouraging.
J
JRB
Guest
We hate to cut them up, but try not to use them. Our debt is most problems we might have. Most of it is my fault, too.SkaredShtles said:
yeah, if she's exhausted and all she wants to do is to catch up on some sleep, gather the grommets and head to the park, then grab some lunch. easy peasy.JSB said:
sometimes this is all my wife wants...if you can believe it, our youngest son (2.75 years old) has never slept through the night.
WTF is a gender roll issue? That sounds sexist and stereotypical already.JSB said:
We don't really have "roles" I don't think... but we do have "duties" that we've kind of fallen into. I'm the one who gets up in the night if the dogs have to go out, but she's the one who pays the bills... that kind of thing. She does most of the mid-week routine cleaning type stuff, but I do most of the weekend big cleaning stuff. She takes our daugther to daycare every day, I mow the grass and shovel the driveway. It's not really gender specific, we just do what we can.
The average person in the US has approx $15k in credit card debt. Just credit cards... not mortages or car payments... just CC.stosh said:
Unfortunately, I don't think you really can. You just got to understand that they could possibly change and you ahve to be ready to except it. If your not ready to except it, you may not be ready. But I'm no couselor be any means. I'm the guy that told a friend who tried to kill himself to suck it up, and quit trying to get his daddy's attention or do it right next time. Not the best of advice. But funny.
Holy FAWK!!!!jacksonpt said:
I'm so glad my GF and I are on the same page about that kind of debt.... that's fuggin nuts!!! We have a couple cards with low limits on them. Thing is we only use them to buy expensive things and pay it off right away.
This girl has all kids of stupid crap around her apt that she buys from magazine catalogs and stuff.... She really has NOTHING to show for the debt.
Get married them it's both of your debt. My brother married into $20k.stosh said:
Funny at my GF's chirstmas party this year her pricipal was telling us how her sister is a divorce lawyer and she said that when she started the practice she was in the business of dividing people's assets, now they divide their debt.......CRAZY!!!!JSB said:
maybe it was one hell of a bender in vegas or phuket...stosh said:
The couselor called them gender rolls. As sexiest as it sounds they are just the duties that usually male and female usually fall into. My wife never picks up our two 100 lbs Labs dog shat out back. She never mows the yard. She doesn't change the oil in our cars, she hardly takes the trash out. Those are things expected to be done by me. I don't think she's sexiest because of that. But if I ask her what's for dinner, I don't want to hear why don't you cook something. Is that wrong? I don't mind doing my share of cooking, but come on. When she says that there is so much poop out there she doesn't want to let the kids go out and play, I don't say so pick the shat up. I just take care of it. See my point.jacksonpt said:
How do you know it's not college debt?stosh said:
My wife wasn't eligible for financial aid and couldn't get any loans, so she worked her way though college - what she couldn't pay for she put on credit cards. It was her only option. She worked a lot of hours through college, so she paid for the vast majority of it, but I could easily see a part time worker going to a private school end up with at least that much, if put under the same circumstances.
My brother is now divorced, and was stupid enough to consolidate one of their cards. When they got divorced he got $5k of her $20k. She was stupid enough to put her dress on that card too. Add $3k. He was stupid enough to let her talk him into a ring he could not afford, and charged the rest. $2.5 added. He was married 6 months, and came out of it with $10,500 added debt, not counting lawyer fees. He has nothing to show for it either. I feel sorry for him.stosh said:
Yea... I gotcha - it's the double standard thing.JSB said:
We just had our third, and I'm already scheming to take my older two boys to Fruita for a long weekend in the Spring....... :evil:JSB said:
With three boys, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be able to get $hitloads of "boys" weekends away in the mountains once they're old enough.
And when they're around 8, 10, and 11 I'll be able to start using them as Sherpas on mountaineering trips.
-S.S.-
True and I'm sure there are exceptions...jacksonpt said:
I guess what I should say is if you have $20k in CC debt and nothing to show for it there is something wrong. I know the guy at work had to get CC's to pay for some of the construction of his home till the loans started flowing so of course there is always exceptions or good reasons. But most of the people that I've met with that kind of debt live beyond their means.
Sure was.stosh said:
You roll the dice, man. Roll the dice. Do you feel luck, fool?stosh said:
-S.S.-
Exactly.jacksonpt said:
Obviously there are exceptions - I was just giving you a hard time. Lighten up man, jesus.stosh said:
Dude. No more of the "easy peasy" phrase......... Mkay? Thanks.narlus said:
WTF? Almost 3 and *never* slept through the night? Yikes. I feel for ya, man.sometimes this is all my wife wants...if you can believe it, our youngest son (2.75 years old) has never slept through the night.
-S.S.-