Sounds like you should cut *yours* up.....loco said:<snip>Our debt is most problems we might have. Most of it is my fault, too.
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Marriage topic??
- Thread starter JSB
- Start date
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till she gets really drunk? Funny!stosh said:
See she's wearing you down. Just like my brother. Just kidding.
Tell her if she signs the I won't stop having great dating sex contract, it's a deal, and see what she says.
double standards are tough, because they are soooo dependant on perspective. It's very easy for me to sit here and think about all the things I've given up and all the sacrifies I've made... why is it such a big deal that I want to ride a couple of times a week? It's very difficult for us to see all the things our wives have given up. The big ones are easy... but think about the little stuff...JSB said:
I don't know if I've just opened up the door to be walked all over, but this is a tough topic. I don't feel like I ask for very much (and certainly nothing unreasonable)... but I'm sure I'm subtly asking for a lot more than I realize... just like my wife is. I'm sure she doesn't think she's asking for much, but I'm sure she doesn't realize all the sacrifices I make. It goes both ways... I really try to give my wife the benefit of the doubt on this one, right or wrong.
I'm sure glad I don't have any...........jacksonpt said:
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THERE'S A CONTRACT FOR THAT???JSB said:
Man, I wish I knew that 5 years ago...
Dude mine is 5 in April. He wakes up at 3 am almost every night. We have cleared it up before, by making a sticker chart. If he sleeps in his bed all night for so many nights he gets a surprise. Usually a new Thomas train. We slowly stop that and usually we're good for a month. Then it starts back up. Currently for 3 weeks I've had to get up almost not every but almost wevery night. Talk about a beating.SkaredShtles said:Dude. No more of the "easy peasy" phrase......... Mkay? Thanks.
WTF? Almost 3 and *never* slept through the night? Yikes. I feel for ya, man.
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I met a guy this weekend who makes, basically, a pittance of a salary. He has an absurdly high-maintenance girlfriend. He bought her a BMW (that he now makes payments on), $2000 worth of plastic surgery, and what I estimate to be about a $8-10k engagement ring.
I think it's hilarious that this girl has no idea that, when they get married in the summer, it will be her debt too. She thinks these are "presents", but they're not - they're not paid for, and she'll be paying for them very soon..
I think it's hilarious that this girl has no idea that, when they get married in the summer, it will be her debt too. She thinks these are "presents", but they're not - they're not paid for, and she'll be paying for them very soon..
SkaredShtles said:Dude. No more of the "easy peasy" phrase......... Mkay? Thanks.
just you wait until i roll out the "pukka".
yeah, otis is a stubborn kid, but a lot of it is our own doing as well...our 1st one didn't start sleeping through the night until a month or so until his brother was born. it's been a long 5 years for my wife...
Does he get up like wakes up and starts his day, or wakes up, needs his back rubbed for a minute, then goes back to sleep? Not saying either is good, but I suspect one is a lot more "normal" than the other. Sleep habits are weird things.JSB said:
Jeezus! And I'm cranky when my youngest gets up at 7. I guess I should just be thankful.JSB said:
Thanks for a new perspective, Narl & JSB.-S.S.-
we've got the lure of a big red fire truck for otis...he's getting better though, and hopefully he'll be on his own through the night soon enough.JSB said:
Hopefully she's got a good job..........binary visions said:
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We are best friends and it's awesome. We each have our own "best friends" outside of each other, but we talk about everything and anything. What's even more awesome is that we do a lot of things together, but we do plenty of things apart too. It's not like we need to do everything together and we totally respect each other more for that.JSB said:
I didn't know about it either. But how come when it's let's have a baby time that tune changes?jacksonpt said:
Yeah, but it's not necessarily good sex then...it more like a job (or so I have heard....I personally haven't been bitten by the baby monster yet so I wouldn't know)JSB said:
maybe my mileage is different, but i'd say it's a lot better. maybe not at the same frequency, but the quality...TreeSaw said:
First off he's up stairs, and we have a baby door at the top so the kids won't break their necks in the middle of the night.jacksonpt said:
He wakes up, I can here him jump out of his bed run to the stairs and screams for me. I come up, he says he's scared I usually have him make a pit stop on the way to he room. He get's in bed I tuck him in tell him I love him, and he usually 9 times out of 10 goes back to sleep.
That is now...before I had to sit in his room until he went back to sleep. Some times I would fall a sleep on the end of his bed for like 45 minutes and wake up with a horrible neck ache.
Baby number two, other wise know as Hannah, sleeps like a rock. Was sleeping through the night at 4 months old. My wife would wake her up to feed her at night. Even our son screaming for us at night doesn't wake her. If she doesn't get her naps during the day...watch out because you will wish for you were some place else.
Hell ya! Best birth control on the market....teaching!stosh said:Probably because you deal with them all day!!!
The first go around yes. I actually almost got in trouble. She read something a doctor wrote about timing and such. This was because the first month we were just going at it when ever which was good for me. Second month she had articles from doctors, and when was the prime time. Geez...It was definitely a chore. Which killed it for me. Every 36 hours baby. The last straw was when she won't me up at 3:45 am to say, hey we've got to do this lets go. I was like WTF, I don't even know if it works at this time of day. Needless to say it took alot of work, and I complained about it. NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT. You will pay dearly my friends.TreeSaw said:
Second kid I knocked it out with in like 3 weeks. I was so pissed. Ha Ha. I was banking on a couple of months. Especially since it had been lacking for a while.
Oh hell no, wouldn't you know that she's the old fashioned, my-man-should-support-me type!SkaredShtles said:Hopefully she's got a good job..........
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My last girlfriend used to bug me all the time about marriage and we hadn't even been dating that long (though we were living together). Comments here and there, zales.com engagement ring "hints"... I told her several times I simply wasn't ready to be married - I mean, at least I was honest with her - but she wouldn't let it drop. I blew up at her one day about it, and she dropped it after that.
This relationship is a lot healthier and we both have the same views about marriage. There's no point in hinting if the other person isn't ready - do you really want to be married to someone who's not ready?
LOL!!! Sounds like one of my co-workers. She was complaining about how the schedule was and that it wasn't fun anymore for her or her husband. He too made the mistake of compaining about it...NOT GOOD!JSB said:
My wife is a teacher too. She hates the job. She loves teaching but that's not what being a teacher is about. It's more about politics, conferences, meetings, training, testing, testing, more testing. Oh and if you have time after that try and fit in you curriculum. I don't think teachers teach curriculum anymore. They teach our kids how to pass the state mandated tests, because (and this is where some of the politics come from) if you school doesn't do superb then you don't get good funding. That's also probably why most teachers usually quit before 5 years of teaching. It's nothing like most think.stosh said:
No kidding! I paid dearly for that one.stosh said:
When ever your GF or wife says, Oh...I'll remember that. Your screwed. There's nothing good about that statement.
Yeah it's pretty bad and it's really bad here in NY. No child left behind is the dumbest policy ever!!JSB said:
I don't understand how it could have gotten so out of wack! It's funny most of us are level headed people on here, I think it's all the over protective poor parenting skills parents who ruin it for everybody in school.
Yeah my GF is always reminding me of dumb things I've said or done, however when I try to remind her she says "why do you always gotta bring that up, I'm trying to forget about it" which doesn't really matter because I already got my jab in.JSB said:
There you go...Next time she does, you can add, You see, and you wonder why I haven't popped the question. Oh she'd be pissed.stosh said:
Your right...I'd stick with the silent treatment.stosh said:
That's hilarious. I have made it crystal clear that Her Majesty can have it anytime she wants, even if she has to wake me up. I may be a little grumpy at first, but I promise to cheer up fast.JSB said:
JSB your marriage has a lot of the same characteristics as mine (10yrs, 2 young kids, 2 jobs). One big difference is my wife INSISTS on working (she's a teacher too) even though her job chews her up and spits her out almost every single day. If we could live happily on just her salary I would stay home. Instead, the kids go to daycare and we have a nice house and nice cars.
I wouldn't give up my wife for anything. I could sit and pick apart her faults for days on end, but I'm no better than her, so what's the point? We try to overcome our problems and do the best we can. We've definitely made a lot of progress in this area.
In an insecure relationship (our 1st several yrs) a person thinks, "I have to do this or he/she will leave me or cheat on me." In our relationship it's "do I have the time/energy/money to do this for my spouse to make them happy?" This goes both ways, and a lot of times the answer is "no." I wallow in self-pity occasionally 'cuz I don't always get exactly what I want. But the important thing is that I ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING in a wonderful wife and beautiful children.
On the double standard: I firmly believe you could do every single chore around the house except for one, and you would still hear complaining about that one chore.
This is a sexist remark (so ban me), but you'll hear the same thing in "sensitivity" training: Ritual complaining is a trait common to all people, but I hear it a lot more from women. I think the complaining serves several purposes: 1) attract attention to her efforts (emphasizes the difficulty of the task, how it's neverending, etc); 2) protects her from having to do more; and 3) cues you in that you need to thank her for doing even the stuff she's "supposed" to do. I try to pick up or help out w/one of "her" chores every couple of days. I've never asked for help w/the yard, the dog-poop, cleaning the garage, or fixing the damn washer. But I score major points when I load the freaking dishwasher or fold a pile of clothes.
Good luck man! And if it helps, I would hardly ever ride or fish if I didn't work a 9/80 schedule.
We have the same thing going on right now. It really does beat you down. Picture a 195lb dude dozing off on the edge of a twin bed while a 4yo tosses and turns. That's me a couple times a week. This weather has destroyed my riding for the past month anyway, but if I was trying to be in any kind of shape right now, the constant sleep interruptions would dash those hopes quickly.JSB said:
That reminds me of another difference that has helped me understand my wife: we are different body types. I can roll out after 6hrs of sleep and do whatever I have to do for the day. Work 11 hrs, hunt ducks, work in the yard all day, ride a couple hrs. . . I'm in awful shape but my body will let me get away w/this stuff. My wife has a totally different metabolism and different sleep needs. She NEEDS 8-9 hrs of sleep and if deprived, her body WILL fail on her (get sick, fall asleep driving, etc). Add any kind of external stress, and the sleep need increases. Figuring that out has helped me understand what she needs a lot better. When I used to think of rest as something we needed equally, things could get pretty rough.
Would I marry my ex again....HELL NO!!!JSB said:
But in spite of him being a complete jacka**, I didn't give up on marriage. Freak and I will be celebrate our 1 year anniversary next month :love:
We're lucky that we each others best friend, share many of the same hobbies (bikes of course being the biggest), and have the same views on family and kids. That was probably the scariest conversation I can remember having with him is discussing the "kid question". I wasn't 100% sure what his long term outlook was and that had the potential to be a deal-breaker for the relationship because no matter how much I love someone, I would not sacrifice the life of innocent child just to make someone else happy.
And one of the best parts of relationship is that he makes me laugh every day
I'm sorry that things are so rough. People do go thru phases, go thru depression, etc and may very well return to the peson you once loved. I've gone thru stages of depression and it just sucks the life right out of you. You don't want to do anything, see anyone, or feel anything. Going to couples counseling is a good first step, but maybe you both might benefit from seeing a counselor on your own as well?
Your right...I have been teaching for almost 7 years and it sucks...I do it because I love my kids and I love working with them. The state tests suck, but I deal with the ridiculous requirements that the state imposes on us every day. The day to day politics isn't something that they talk much about in college...otherwise, there would be few education majors!JSB said:
Well......since I'm in the "Batter's Box" right now, I'll add in my perspective:
Mrs. soon-to-be Greyhound is one more awesome lady. She and I get along so incredibly well. We've been together a little over 5 years, and I swear to you, it seems like 5 months. I don't know where the time has gone. I've a taken a little time over the past few weeks to sit back, and take stock of where I am, and evaluate how I feel about this next step. I'm just about to turn 32, and it's apparent to me through subtle little hints in day-to-day life that it's time for things to happen on my end. I get all sappy and stupid around kids, Hallmark commercials mist me up, I get a little anxiety when when I see my friends who have kids, and how fast they've grown up.......it's just a little of all that, I guess. Not being the type of guy that mulls over such issues, I'm really quite taken aback over how much adulthood has bitch-slapped me here lately, but I guess that's how it happens. Many of my friends have already had kids......and those kids are growing up fast. I want to be a part of all that stuff. I still feel like I'm 22, and it's really freaky to think about the future, but the future is right now....and if I don't recognize it, it will pass me by before I know it. So here I am, with a ring on the way, and happiness in my heart. Maybe ten years down the road, I'll be singing a different song.......bad things happen to good people all the time, I know. But, hell...it's worth a shot.
Mrs. soon-to-be Greyhound is one more awesome lady. She and I get along so incredibly well. We've been together a little over 5 years, and I swear to you, it seems like 5 months. I don't know where the time has gone. I've a taken a little time over the past few weeks to sit back, and take stock of where I am, and evaluate how I feel about this next step. I'm just about to turn 32, and it's apparent to me through subtle little hints in day-to-day life that it's time for things to happen on my end. I get all sappy and stupid around kids, Hallmark commercials mist me up, I get a little anxiety when when I see my friends who have kids, and how fast they've grown up.......it's just a little of all that, I guess. Not being the type of guy that mulls over such issues, I'm really quite taken aback over how much adulthood has bitch-slapped me here lately, but I guess that's how it happens. Many of my friends have already had kids......and those kids are growing up fast. I want to be a part of all that stuff. I still feel like I'm 22, and it's really freaky to think about the future, but the future is right now....and if I don't recognize it, it will pass me by before I know it. So here I am, with a ring on the way, and happiness in my heart. Maybe ten years down the road, I'll be singing a different song.......bad things happen to good people all the time, I know. But, hell...it's worth a shot.