**UPDATE**
Secretsofthepeloton.com's Movie Special
Will Pro Cycling Survive Hollywoods Tradition Of Greed, Lust and Revenge???
Paul Gross Reports:
In 1938, long before Lance Armstrong ever turned a crank arm in anger or Matt Damon walked onto a sound stage, a Big Hollywood Movie Studio bought the rights to the Henry Millers controversial novel, Tropic Of Cancer. 60 years later, in 1998, Lance Armstrong overcame real cancer and went on to win the Tour De France. In 2002, after a hard night of partying, the current head of the very same Big Hollywood Studio realized that, a) Lance Armstrong and Tropic Of Cancer reminded him of each other, and b) he already owned the rights to the word Cancer.
The head of the Big Hollywood Studio couldnt wait to lash together the two concepts and find a sucker to finance the project. A group from Wisconsin -- AKA Trek Bicycles invested 20 million dollars to get things rolling. Lance was geeked! A hands-on sort of guy, he rented all of Matt Damons DVDs, viewed them in FF mode, and then sent a terse note to the performer. Take some acting lessons, Dude. I did. Check out my Subaru commercials. Some great stuff there.
Matt Damon swallowed his pride and took a refresher course in method acting. Damon then met with Armstrong and began to mimic The Champion's every move. Soon, Matt and Sheryl Crow were involved in a torrid love affair! Stunned, Armstrong retaliated by publicly hanging out with Ben Affleck. Angry, Matt Damon lashed back by riding bikes around West Los Angeles with Robin Williams. Miffed, Armstrong countered by forwarding his current child support bill to Damon. Inspired, Matt paid the bill and started hanging out with Lances kids every other weekend. Furious, Lance sent Matt a single yellow rose in a velvet lined black box the Texan equivalent of the Mafioso kiss of death.
Matt Damon may not have been from Texas, but he was no fool, either. He went to the Big Hollywood Studio and demanded that Lance Armstrongs character be written out of The Lance Armstrong Story. Trek threatened to pull out their financing unless the Armstrong character was restored, Matt Damon was fired, and Greg Lemond and his wife Kathy were cast to play Lance and his ex.
While rehearsing an acrimonious break-up scene, amateur thespians Greg and Kathy Lemond got pissed-off at each another and separated. Intrigued, the Big Hollywood Studio wrote out cycling and cancer, and wrote in the Lemond family break-up. The Lance Armstrong Story was now about Greg Lemond. Matt Damon was signed to play Lemond. Sheryl Crow was fired as herself and rehired to play Kathy Lemond. Emaciated from his cycling training, Damon was put on a 10,000 calorie a day diet to bulk up to Greg Lemonds current size.
Sheryl Crow became disillusioned with the new look Matt Damon and dumped him. Armstrong, lurking around the set disguised as himself, saw his chance for romantic redemption and rekindled his affair with Crow. Together, they plotted to destroy Matt Damon. Sheryl, Lance and Trek Bicycles, with a combined yearly income larger than the entire State Of California, bought the Big Hollywood Studio with pocket change and canceled the movie project.
Out of the loop socially and professionally, Ben Affleck is still in Colorado with Bob Roll, desperately trying to get into cycling shape in hopes of landing a bit part as George Hincapie in The Lance Armstrong Story.
Secretsofthepeloton.com's Movie Special
Will Pro Cycling Survive Hollywoods Tradition Of Greed, Lust and Revenge???
Paul Gross Reports:
In 1938, long before Lance Armstrong ever turned a crank arm in anger or Matt Damon walked onto a sound stage, a Big Hollywood Movie Studio bought the rights to the Henry Millers controversial novel, Tropic Of Cancer. 60 years later, in 1998, Lance Armstrong overcame real cancer and went on to win the Tour De France. In 2002, after a hard night of partying, the current head of the very same Big Hollywood Studio realized that, a) Lance Armstrong and Tropic Of Cancer reminded him of each other, and b) he already owned the rights to the word Cancer.
The head of the Big Hollywood Studio couldnt wait to lash together the two concepts and find a sucker to finance the project. A group from Wisconsin -- AKA Trek Bicycles invested 20 million dollars to get things rolling. Lance was geeked! A hands-on sort of guy, he rented all of Matt Damons DVDs, viewed them in FF mode, and then sent a terse note to the performer. Take some acting lessons, Dude. I did. Check out my Subaru commercials. Some great stuff there.
Matt Damon swallowed his pride and took a refresher course in method acting. Damon then met with Armstrong and began to mimic The Champion's every move. Soon, Matt and Sheryl Crow were involved in a torrid love affair! Stunned, Armstrong retaliated by publicly hanging out with Ben Affleck. Angry, Matt Damon lashed back by riding bikes around West Los Angeles with Robin Williams. Miffed, Armstrong countered by forwarding his current child support bill to Damon. Inspired, Matt paid the bill and started hanging out with Lances kids every other weekend. Furious, Lance sent Matt a single yellow rose in a velvet lined black box the Texan equivalent of the Mafioso kiss of death.
Matt Damon may not have been from Texas, but he was no fool, either. He went to the Big Hollywood Studio and demanded that Lance Armstrongs character be written out of The Lance Armstrong Story. Trek threatened to pull out their financing unless the Armstrong character was restored, Matt Damon was fired, and Greg Lemond and his wife Kathy were cast to play Lance and his ex.
While rehearsing an acrimonious break-up scene, amateur thespians Greg and Kathy Lemond got pissed-off at each another and separated. Intrigued, the Big Hollywood Studio wrote out cycling and cancer, and wrote in the Lemond family break-up. The Lance Armstrong Story was now about Greg Lemond. Matt Damon was signed to play Lemond. Sheryl Crow was fired as herself and rehired to play Kathy Lemond. Emaciated from his cycling training, Damon was put on a 10,000 calorie a day diet to bulk up to Greg Lemonds current size.
Sheryl Crow became disillusioned with the new look Matt Damon and dumped him. Armstrong, lurking around the set disguised as himself, saw his chance for romantic redemption and rekindled his affair with Crow. Together, they plotted to destroy Matt Damon. Sheryl, Lance and Trek Bicycles, with a combined yearly income larger than the entire State Of California, bought the Big Hollywood Studio with pocket change and canceled the movie project.
Out of the loop socially and professionally, Ben Affleck is still in Colorado with Bob Roll, desperately trying to get into cycling shape in hopes of landing a bit part as George Hincapie in The Lance Armstrong Story.
