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stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
21,989
154
NY
For about 2yrs now I haven't spoken to my best friend and his parents. He got into drugs and for a million other reasons some of which were my fault we weren't seeing eye to eye.

His parents were like second parents to me growing up so there were nights I would lay awake thinking about them.... and if I should go see them etc....


This weekend his parents and I ended up at the same BBQ so after a few drinks we both got talking. I don't think all the boards are back up on the fence but man it felt good to talk to them again. Also my friend moved to Norway and seems to be doing really well.

Anybody been able to rekindle friendships?
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
21,989
154
NY
excellent new Stosh - keep the conversation going with them post-bbq!
Thanks man!

It feels good, she was raised in a strict catholic Irish family so I'm hoping she will get over sooner rather than never like most old Irish ladies I know.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
29,696
2,410
Portland, OR
One thing I have learned over the past year is that when you sit back and look at how things used to be, or how you "thought" they were, it was nothing more than how you THOUGHT they were.

You can't change the past, but you can change how you view the past.

My wife and I divorced in October after I left in August. I used to bitch about how much she didn't care and blah, blah, blah. Then in April we sat down and talked over some things. Turns out she did care, she cared a lot. But she didn't know how to show it and I failed to see when she tried. I shut her out, so who is to blame other than myself?

Yes, we are still divorced. But we are happier now than we have been in 11 years. We will likely get remarried at some point. But the fact is we communicate now and that has made the biggest impact.

Did the past somehow change? Nope, it still happened. But it didn't have to happen that way and I understand that now. That understanding prevents me from doing it again.
 

CrabJoe StretchPants

Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick
Nov 30, 2003
11,569
422
Groton, MA
I mended the fence around my pool this weekend after falling in, grabbing it and ripping it down.



Not really the same thing.
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
21,989
154
NY
One thing I have learned over the past year is that when you sit back and look at how things used to be, or how you "thought" they were, it was nothing more than how you THOUGHT they were.

You can't change the past, but you can change how you view the past.

My wife and I divorced in October after I left in August. I used to bitch about how much she didn't care and blah, blah, blah. Then in April we sat down and talked over some things. Turns out she did care, she cared a lot. But she didn't know how to show it and I failed to see when she tried. I shut her out, so who is to blame other than myself?

Yes, we are still divorced. But we are happier now than we have been in 11 years. We will likely get remarried at some point. But the fact is we communicate now and that has made the biggest impact.

Did the past somehow change? Nope, it still happened. But it didn't have to happen that way and I understand that now. That understanding prevents me from doing it again.


Good point man! Thanks!
 

stevew

unique white person
Sep 21, 2001
31,826
2,719
i hate talking....most people take that as me being a asshole....i let them think that and it keeps me happy.
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,412
0
SF
I never want to talk to TheMontashu again and I am willing to build a 20 foot fence to make it happen.
 

GhostX

Chimp
Sep 12, 2010
18
0
Oceanside, California
Some fences can be repaired, but some have to be rebuilt altogether.

In the last three years I have walked through a few "gates." Metaphor, I know :bonk:

-17 year marriage ended. That fence is burned to the ground.
-Lost my house when the ex left. That fence AND house are gone.
-Credit trashed. That fence is actually being repainted.
-Lost my 35 y/o sister to cancer, when she was pregnant. Her deadbeat husband split, and left my niece in the care of the MIL. Not sure how to metaphor that one...just can't.
-Lost my job, out of work for 6 weeks. New fence there. Better job.


Life is hard, but it teaches you to apprciate the good times, and simple things. Like riding. :D
 

Mr Jones

Turbo Monkey
Nov 12, 2007
1,483
0
Stosh... good on you for talking it out. Fixing bridges is always possible if people on both ends work together to reconnect the path.

Here's question... isn't a fence supposed to separate things or keep things out. So if a fence has burned down, doesn't that signify a removal of a barrier, and rebuilding of said fence is akin to reconstructing a barrier?