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Mormons...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by DirtMcGirk, Sep 27, 2012.

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  1. DirtMcGirk

    DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

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    Been stuck at work all week here at the house. So it seemed, as I am doing 20 hour days, that it'd be wise to watch all the season of Big Love...

    Here's my question: are all of the broads in the LDS faith really that subservient?

    And tell me about sister wives. Yes, I get it that the FLDS is an off-shoot of the middle of the road LDS, but how do I swing four or five wives so I can never let my peen get a break ala Bill Hicks?

    Hugs and kisses, yours truly,
    Dirt McGirk
     

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  2. Pesqueeb

    Pesqueeb bicycle in airplane hangar

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    Yes. If you're a Mo and a woman you need a husband and his "permission" to get a place on the husbands planet in heaven.

    More accurately, the modern day LDS church is an offshoot of the FLDS. Remember, unlike other religions, the Saints religion is only 200-ish years old, so one doesn't get to make the argument, like other religions, that things have been lost in time/oral history/cultural relevance/etc. Mormonism is post printing press. Joesph Smith and Brigham Young both believed that plural marriage was sacred duty and the church only gave it up when the feds threatened to invade the Utah territory. "Modern" Mormonism is nothing if not politically expedient, and the FLDS is just sticking to it's doctrinal guns. So you're gonna have to go full retard if your dick is really that important to you, plus you'll have to give the Saints a minimum 10% pretax income. That sh*t is serious to the church.

    I wouldn't worry about it though, the Mo's aren't going to accept somebody with your lifestyle anyway. You're way to polluted to get into the Temple.


    *edit: Though I suppose you might make a wonderful modern day Porter Rockwell
     
    #2 -   Sep 27, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2012
  3. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    One (relatively sane) woman is more than enough goddam trouble for me. A pack of religious extremist bitches sounds like a living hell.
     
  4. ICEBALL585

    ICEBALL585 Bacontard

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    You really want to disappoint four more women???
     
  5. JohnE

    JohnE filthy rascist

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    One woman is headache enough...cant imagine having 3 more.
     
  6. rockofullr

    rockofullr confused

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    That's a strange way to sign your name.
     
  7. stevew

    stevew unique white person

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    i only knew one mormon.

    and he was black.

    true story.
     
  8. kazlx

    kazlx Patches O'Houlihan

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    Lies...Lies, I tell you!
     
  9. Pesqueeb

    Pesqueeb bicycle in airplane hangar

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    Man. That's almost as much self loathing as being a gay mega church pastor.
     
  10. blackohio

    blackohio Generous jaywalker

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    seriously, who wants more than one lady? Thats is really full on retard.
     
  11. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    Are you sure he wasn't just a Jamaican asking for something?
     
  12. Iridemtb

    Iridemtb Turbo Monkey

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    NEVER go full retard.
     
  13. johnbryanpeters

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    Yup. 5
     
  14. Westy

    Westy the teste

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    Mormons due recruit heavily in non lilly-white countries. Pacific Islands specifically, but that could just be to help the BYU football team.

    They also recruit aggressively here at the university. There is always a squad of them standing in the main square and you pretty much have to be a dick to them to get them to leave you alone. That said, they do not bother me much anymore.

    Last year there was a book of mormon that sat at a single desk in the engineering library. There was always a whit shirt and tie mormon sitting near by. I figured it was a trap. I wanted to make a sign and hang it on the desk that read 'fiction rack'.
     
    #14 -   Sep 27, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2012
  15. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    My crazy granddad was a non-Mormon living in Utah and he would pull iron on them if they knocked on his door. Word got around pretty quick.
     
  16. mandown

    mandown Poopdeck Repost

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    i started pulling something else. word got around.
     
  17. ALEXIS_DH

    ALEXIS_DH Tirelessly Awesome

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    my uncle married a mormon woman.

    bat-**** cat-lady-like crazy is best definition that comes to my mind.
    after like 2 years of hobo-crazy behaviour, she has been shunned by the rest of the family and does not attend/is not invited to family meetings/weddings/birthdays/anything.

    at some point, its fairly difficult to distinguish between psychosis and religious fanatism.
     
    #17 -   Sep 27, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2012
  18. Pesqueeb

    Pesqueeb bicycle in airplane hangar

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    Syadasti to the white courtesy phone.......
     
  19. mandown

    mandown Poopdeck Repost

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    former mormons are fun but nutty. the girls who have left the flock tend to have issues to be worked out in the sack.
     
  20. Westy

    Westy the teste

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    ftfy.
     
  21. jdcamb

    jdcamb Tool Time!

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    syadasti has access to the Courtesy Phone?? WTF??

    A hit team has been dispatched.
     
  22. mandown

    mandown Poopdeck Repost

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    why does it have to be a white phone?
     
  23. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    Because the black phone don't work.
     
  24. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    Sorry, low hanging fruit.
     
  25. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    That wasn't much better.
     
  26. Colonel Angus

    Colonel Angus Monkey

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    I have cousin who is Mormon.

    She has SEVEN fvcking kids.

    And they all look IDENTICAL. Girls, boys, whatever, they all came out of the same mold. Frikkin scary.
     
  27. eric strt6

    eric strt6 Resident Curmudgeon

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    somebody rep him for that
     
  28. Pesqueeb

    Pesqueeb bicycle in airplane hangar

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    You have an Asian cousin?
     
  29. DirtMcGirk

    DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

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    Two bottles of wine + Big Love + RM = a great outlet for my bad ideas.

    I think I ordered a surfboard last night too.
     
  30. 4130biker

    4130biker PM me about Tantrum Cycles!

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    I keep envisioning Dirt with three or four of these:



    Reality television GOLD, I tell ya!
     
    #30 -   Sep 27, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2012
  31. snake666

    snake666 Chimp

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    Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention mormons.
     
  32. MikeD

    MikeD Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists

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    Some fundie Mormons have some pretty wacky stuff going on re: drugs, money, and sex.

    "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Krakauer is the must-read here, Dirt.
     
  33. jdcamb

    jdcamb Tool Time!

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    You neglected to mention the Morons.....
     
  34. DirtMcGirk

    DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

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    Oh I've read it. Blonde atonement and baby decapitation. Sounds like a fun Sunday after temple!
     
  35. MikeD

    MikeD Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists

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    So why you still messing with Big Love? Get yourself a revelation, a trailer and a meth lab on the Arizona strip and settle down with the wives (meaning any chick who'll engage in the drug-fueled orgy).
     
  36. DirtMcGirk

    DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

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    I can barely use power tools, I have no business getting into the meth business. You'd hear about a large man blown to bits by his trailer meth lab because he tried to drill out the bottom bracket on his crank powered meth lab. And honestly I am paranoid enough.
     
  37. MikeD

    MikeD Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists

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    I see what you did there.
     
  38. Silver

    Silver find me a tampon

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    I filed it under, "Blind squirrel. Nut."