(DISCLAIMER-- This is NOT meant to be a downer/depressing post, though after reading it, some of you may feel that that is my intent. It is not. All of you have shown me support, and I feel comfortable posting here.)
7:35 a.m. marked the 3rd year that Alaina has been in Heaven. I am amazed that I've even made it this long, as there have been many, many times I've wanted to join her, and have thought about how to accomplish that. I guess that's why I feel I can't be around guns at all any more. Remove the tool, work around the problem.
I went out this morning to be with Alaina, and right after 7:35, released a balloon in her honor. It floated northerly (what was the name of the Good Witch in Wizard of Oz?). There were also rain/snow clouds over the mountains, and a rainbow began to form. After a bit, it was complete, and even started a double rainbow. I think Alaina was helping to pour out the rain (plug for a favorite song-- name it and the singer).
So much has happened these past years, even this past month-ish. Relationship with wife and her kids has fallen, stress over money increased, and I've picked some pretty bad videos to watch (ok, lame try at humor). I'm really thinking of staying south after 24IOP, though I need to do a bit of personal "research" before making that decision.
While remembering the times with Alaina, a couple that came to mind did make me laugh. First, while we were getting ready for our shower one night (she was about a year old), we were both undressed, waiting for the water to heat up. I started to feel water running down my leg, and realized Alaina was peeing on me. Finally, my "official" introduction to fatherhood. I thought it was the greatest feeling ever! Another involved surgery. I'm a BIG Arizona fan (D-backs, Suns, Cardinals, Sun Devils). When the D-backs won the Series, I was jumping around the house, only to rupture my Achilles tendon. Before wheeling me into surgery 2 days later, Alaina kissed my tendon for good luck. The doc said, "Now I'm in trouble. I better do a good job". Well, he did.
Regardless of what happens, I feel the 24IOP will be more mental than physical for me. Granted, I also feel my heart is ready, and my body will just have to hold up.
Thank you, Monkeys, for giving me the space to share.
Shawn
Alaina's daddy
7:35 a.m. marked the 3rd year that Alaina has been in Heaven. I am amazed that I've even made it this long, as there have been many, many times I've wanted to join her, and have thought about how to accomplish that. I guess that's why I feel I can't be around guns at all any more. Remove the tool, work around the problem.
I went out this morning to be with Alaina, and right after 7:35, released a balloon in her honor. It floated northerly (what was the name of the Good Witch in Wizard of Oz?). There were also rain/snow clouds over the mountains, and a rainbow began to form. After a bit, it was complete, and even started a double rainbow. I think Alaina was helping to pour out the rain (plug for a favorite song-- name it and the singer).
So much has happened these past years, even this past month-ish. Relationship with wife and her kids has fallen, stress over money increased, and I've picked some pretty bad videos to watch (ok, lame try at humor). I'm really thinking of staying south after 24IOP, though I need to do a bit of personal "research" before making that decision.
While remembering the times with Alaina, a couple that came to mind did make me laugh. First, while we were getting ready for our shower one night (she was about a year old), we were both undressed, waiting for the water to heat up. I started to feel water running down my leg, and realized Alaina was peeing on me. Finally, my "official" introduction to fatherhood. I thought it was the greatest feeling ever! Another involved surgery. I'm a BIG Arizona fan (D-backs, Suns, Cardinals, Sun Devils). When the D-backs won the Series, I was jumping around the house, only to rupture my Achilles tendon. Before wheeling me into surgery 2 days later, Alaina kissed my tendon for good luck. The doc said, "Now I'm in trouble. I better do a good job". Well, he did.
Regardless of what happens, I feel the 24IOP will be more mental than physical for me. Granted, I also feel my heart is ready, and my body will just have to hold up.
Thank you, Monkeys, for giving me the space to share.
Shawn
Alaina's daddy
