[MtnBikerChk]

Just do what you want - really.

Some people get so upset over stupid things. IE there's a guy in my office who got engaged this summer. Their wedding is next September. Both him and his fiancee are very bent out of shape because HER brother got engaged after them but is getting married before them.

They both think it's a sign of disrespect that they are getting married first (also, SHE is older and He is younger).

What a load of crap.

 

[amydalayna]

She now enjoys a life of having to spell her last name for everyone! I mean, so many people spell it with too many B's. It's B-A-B-O-O-N.

cute.

a friend suggested i just throw the husband's last name to the end of my existing name. I'll have 4 names and I can choose to go by whatever I want.
I guess that works for me.

Heather, Thanks for the social security heads up. I was hoping to resolve the name thing today because I had the day off, but I'll have to figure out what I'm doing first.

 

[sanjuro]

how about Ben and Amy Fong?

 

[TreeSaw]

Amy, in California you need to change it with the social security department first because the DMV require that SSN records match the name you want to change to. For both DMV and SSN you will need a copy of your marriage license.

Same here in NY too. I would suggest downloading the form and filling it all in befoer you go to the office too...takes less time that way!

 

[nanhar]

I have been married 25 years and no I did not change my last name. However, it was something we agreed upon before we got married. And thankfully, he has never changed his mind.

 

[S.K.C.]

(O.K. - I know, this was meant for the Ladies only, but since some other fellas threw in their 2 cents... )

From a guy's viewpoint, I think the whole name thing is more about identification in a traditionalist society.

To other people whether it be friends or strangers, if it's "Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX" that says: O.K. - they're a couple and they're married. If it's Mr. XXXX and (would it be Ms. or Mrs.? YYYY) it gives the impression of a lack of solidarity and is a bit confusing.

A funny thing happened to a friend of mine at a college roomate's wedding. For a half hour he was flirting with this girl he met, and she was polite to him, but just didn't seem to be into him. So he dropped it - but the funny thing is that this pissed off guy comes up to him later and says "So I heard you were hitting on my wife..." to which my friend said: "What? Her? But she doesn't have the same last name!" So the guy explained that she had kept hers, but for my friend, the embarassment had already set in. He's totally not the kind of guy to go out and hit on somebody's wife, so this really made things a bit uncomfortable for the rest of the night.

The whole name thing goes back to the old days - when exactly I have no idea.

It's a tradition, and like most traditions, it seems weird and something that doesn't make sense, but then again it does automatically register "couple" when other people see it.

But to each his or her own. I can totally see how some women see it as an act of servitude, or like some kind of ownership. Gloria Steinem has written about this at length I'm sure.

But it's really not about that - to me it's about the joining of two people to become one - a family unit. Yes, a marriage runs deeper than just a label, but like what was said before, if you love your husband/wife there is a nice feeling you get when you're known to the world as "Mr. and Mrs.". Just like when you are meeting people and get to say: "This is my husband, or This is my wife..."

 

[goodtobeIrie]

I've been married 9 1/2 years...and haven't changed my name...

1. my family kicks azz and I like being a part of them and keeping the same last name

2. a friend in high school decided to change her name after 6 months of marriage and died in the Oklahoma bombing while doing so...so it's kind of an honor/dedication thing to her

3. at the time I was like F that...he can change his name if anyone's gonna do it

4. I think most super old skool traditions are lame and are for men's desires

5. what a pain in the azz

CONS of not changing it

1. it can be a pain when getting things like car insurance/health insurance...etc... ie: they make you bring or show proof of your marriage certificate

2. his name is easier to say than mine and probably cooler

3. it would probably make the old man happy...although he acts like he could care less

do what you want and what makes you happy...it's your life...

 

[dan-o]

My wife kept her name and the kids have my last name.
Once in a while there's some confusion/hassles related to having different names, but nothing major.

I don't have any problems with it personally. My wife may be a selfish bitch with little respect for tradition, but I love her anyway!

 

[Quo Fan]

If I ever get married again, the decision to take my name will be entirely up to her. If she wants it, fine. If she doesn't, that's cool too.

Both ex-wives took my last name, but the last one was over 20 years ago.

 

[MtnBikerChk]

If I ever get married again, the decision to take my name will be entirely up to her. If she wants it, fine. If she doesn't, that's cool too.

Both ex-wives took my last name, but the last one was over 20 years ago.

wha? Just how old are you? LOL

 

[altagirl]

(O.K. - I know, this was meant for the Ladies only, but since some other fellas threw in their 2 cents... )

From a guy's viewpoint, I think the whole name thing is more about identification in a traditionalist society.

To other people whether it be friends or strangers, if it's "Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX" that says: O.K. - they're a couple and they're married. If it's Mr. XXXX and (would it be Ms. or Mrs.? YYYY) it gives the impression of a lack of solidarity and is a bit confusing.

A funny thing happened to a friend of mine at a college roomate's wedding. For a half hour he was flirting with this girl he met, and she was polite to him, but just didn't seem to be into him. So he dropped it - but the funny thing is that this pissed off guy comes up to him later and says "So I heard you were hitting on my wife..." to which my friend said: "What? Her? But she doesn't have the same last name!" So the guy explained that she had kept hers, but for my friend, the embarassment had already set in. He's totally not the kind of guy to go out and hit on somebody's wife, so this really made things a bit uncomfortable for the rest of the night.

The whole name thing goes back to the old days - when exactly I have no idea.

It's a tradition, and like most traditions, it seems weird and something that doesn't make sense, but then again it does automatically register "couple" when other people see it.

But to each his or her own. I can totally see how some women see it as an act of servitude, or like some kind of ownership. Gloria Steinem has written about this at length I'm sure.

But it's really not about that - to me it's about the joining of two people to become one - a family unit. Yes, a marriage runs deeper than just a label, but like what was said before, if you love your husband/wife there is a nice feeling you get when you're known to the world as "Mr. and Mrs.". Just like when you are meeting people and get to say: "This is my husband, or This is my wife..."

Your story makes no sense to me (as a reason to share the same last name).

A. Unless she is mute, why couldn't she have said "I'm married" when he was hitting on her? What kind of spineless person goes and tattles on someone for flirting so her husband can confront them? That's just wrong.

B. If I meet someone at a wedding, or anywhere else, I'm going to just use my first name when making introductions. So how would anyone know last names to even make that call?

 

[chuky]

Changing my name was something a thought about for a few minutes and decided I liked. It makes everything so much easier - banks, licenses, dealing with anything official.

I think that getting married at all raises a lot of the same issues as name change. If you are okay with all of the meaning and history behind one, I don't see the problem with the other. I figure it is the quality of my relationship that determines whether or not I am victimized by the patriarchy, not what is on my driver's license, eh?

 

[amydalayna]

I don't think changing my name makes anything easier. I've gone for a year and a half without a hassle.

But to change my name I will have to update: Social Security card, License, Mortgage papers, banking stuff, credit card stuff, etc...

Pain in the arse.

 

[MudGrrl]

tradition is a poor reason to do anything.

unless you're talking about pumpkin pie at thanksgiving or putting up lights in the winter.... those things are fun.

 

[amydalayna]

tradition is a poor reason to do anything.

unless you're talking about pumpkin pie at thanksgiving or putting up lights in the winter.... those things are fun.

i'm with you.

tradition is good as long as it is delicious.

 

[S.K.C.]

Your story makes no sense to me (as a reason to share the same last name).

A. Unless she is mute, why couldn't she have said "I'm married" when he was hitting on her? What kind of spineless person goes and tattles on someone for flirting so her husband can confront them? That's just wrong.

B. If I meet someone at a wedding, or anywhere else, I'm going to just use my first name when making introductions. So how would anyone know last names to even make that call?

...The husband saw my buddy talking to his wife, then she went with her friends to talk with some other people. The husband was talking with his guy friends, and then I guess after a certain point he came over to "clear the air" as it were.:biggrin:

My buddy new of the wife's last name because his cousin dated her brother a while ago - and he new the husband's last name from looking at the place settings at the table - you know the little name cards they put near your dinner plate?

I was just wondering though - so if you have kids and the husband and wife have different last names - what do you do about that?

 

[Snacks]

To other people whether it be friends or strangers, if it's "Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX" that says: O.K. - they're a couple and they're married. If it's Mr. XXXX and (would it be Ms. or Mrs.? YYYY) it gives the impression of a lack of solidarity and is a bit confusing.

Lack of solidarity because you didn't take your husbands name? That is stupid. What about the woman not taking his name for career reasons? Not like a celebrity, but maybe for sales contact reasons? Maybe she is a lawyer and changing her name would be more trouble than it’s worth.

Maybe she has a strong connection to her last name, like she is an only child and wants to keep her last name to honor her family?

 

[S.K.C.]

Lack of solidarity because you didn't take your husbands name? That is stupid. What about the woman not taking his name for career reasons? Not like a celebrity, but maybe for sales contact reasons? Maybe she is a lawyer and changing her name would be more trouble than it’s worth.

Maybe she has a strong connection to her last name, like she is an only child and wants to keep her last name to honor her family?

Definitely - I totally agree with you about that.

With lawyers, doctors, and other jobs that closely tie your name and your business it would only make sense to keep your name. But therein lies the explanation - different last names because of a profession.

The whole point of getting married is to become "one" with another person right? So having the same last name seems to make sense to me.

Just my take on the name change thing - I'm not telling her what to do, just providing a viewpoint.

 

[LordOpie]

Lack of solidarity because you didn't take your husbands name? That is stupid.

SKC said, "...gives the impression..." and that's absolutely correct. Society has certain views -- the view may be ignorant, but society has them nonetheless.

If you don't mind the aggrivation of educating people, then cool.


As for different last names and adultery, there's no correlation, but cheaters should be shot.

 

[altagirl]

...The husband saw my buddy talking to his wife, then she went with her friends to talk with some other people. The husband was talking with his guy friends, and then I guess after a certain point he came over to "clear the air" as it were.:biggrin:

My buddy new of the wife's last name because his cousin dated her brother a while ago - and he new the husband's last name from looking at the place settings at the table - you know the little name cards they put near your dinner plate?

I was just wondering though - so if you have kids and the husband and wife have different last names - what do you do about that?

Huh. So what if they were just engaged or living together or something. Then it would have been cool with her boyfriend/fiancee? It just seems all weird to me. To me, it's your own responsibility as a person in a serious relationship to mention your relationship if someone is flirting with you. End of story.

And as far as having kids goes - I have no idea. We've never considered having kids, so I've also never considered what their last name would be.

 

[Qman]

tradition is good as long as it is delicious.

What a fantastic line!
It is a pain in the ass. I wouldn't recommend it unless you have kids but even then, it isn't necessary.

on a side note about names and marriage: I heard today that KFed is now being called "FedEx".