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Need advice from the ladies and men with daughters

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Turbo Monkey
Apr 5, 2005
3,976
1
Chandler, AZ, USA
I'm a single parent now, my ex of 22 years moved to Cleveland, and I've got an almost 11 yo daughter. She says she isn't interested in boys but, she has a special friend at school and another boy she says she is going to marry. Can any of you give me some perspective of what you were like at that age, what I need to look out for and what going to happen in the next couple of years?
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,959
35
She's pretty much a teenager now. Deal with it on that level.

Rule #1: you can't be too strict. I will get a lot of sh1t for that (probably from young posters here with no kids) but it's true.

Come up with a set of rules and guidelines and stick with it, then sit her down and let her know what the rules are, and what the penalties are. Make it clear and simple. Kids appreciate it.

Be honest with her and listen to her.

Tell her the truth about boys. No seriously, tell her everything she might expect, and maybe she won't get blindsided by the ruthless bullsh1t coming her way for the next several decades.

Let her know that she is the master of her mind, her will and her body and never let anyone tell her otherwise.

Let her know your first concern is her well being, and you will do whatever it takes to ensure this. (even if it overrides the last point)

Let her know that contradictory to popular culture, she need not dress like a whore for acceptance.

Counseling and therapy is never a bad idea for a child with divorced parents. Once they can learn to openly communicate to a neutral adult, they can do the same with you.


All the above worked for us. My daughter is 20, living in a nice flat with a good job and going to design school. She moved in with me and my future 2nd wife to get away from her tweaker mother when she was 10. She was doomed to a life of low self esteem and abuse, we turned that around.
 

Serial Midget

Al Bundy
Jun 25, 2002
13,053
1,896
Fort of Rio Grande
The best defense for this is to go shopping with said daughter and tell her how much you approve of what she is trying on because it reminds you of what her mother would wear...

Let her know that contradictory to popular culture, she need not dress like a whore for acceptance.
 
Last edited:

bean

Turbo Monkey
Feb 16, 2004
1,335
0
Boulder
She's pretty much a teenager now. Deal with it on that level.

Rule #1: you can't be too strict. I will get a lot of sh1t for that (probably from young posters here with no kids) but it's true.

Come up with a set of rules and guidelines and stick with it, then sit her down and let her know what the rules are, and what the penalties are. Make it clear and simple. Kids appreciate it.

Be honest with her and listen to her.

Tell her the truth about boys. No seriously, tell her everything she might expect, and maybe she won't get blindsided by the ruthless bullsh1t coming her way for the next several decades.

Let her know that she is the master of her mind, her will and her body and never let anyone tell her otherwise.

Let her know your first concern is her well being, and you will do whatever it takes to ensure this. (even if it overrides the last point)

Let her know that contradictory to popular culture, she need not dress like a whore for acceptance.

Counseling and therapy is never a bad idea for a child with divorced parents. Once they can learn to openly communicate to a neutral adult, they can do the same with you.


All the above worked for us. My daughter is 20, living in a nice flat with a good job and going to design school. She moved in with me and my future 2nd wife to get away from her tweaker mother when she was 10. She was doomed to a life of low self esteem and abuse, we turned that around.
I don't have a kid, by this sounds like great advice.
 

Reactor

Turbo Monkey
Apr 5, 2005
3,976
1
Chandler, AZ, USA
Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to do most of you laid out already, and I've been extremely honest with her about boys and what many of them are like. She's a smart girl and I think she'll be o.k., but I still worry. It's just I'm the oldest of five brothers , I do fine most the time, but the whole girls liking and dating boys is a little out of my comfort zone. The one thing I really worry about is when she goes to she her mother next summer. Her mother has never really been much of a mother and I have a much better bond with my daughter.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,959
35
The one thing I really worry about is when she goes to she her mother next summer. Her mother has never really been much of a mother and I have a much better bond with my daughter.
Go to court, put your case to the judge and get sole legal and physical custody. Tell the mom to get bent.
 

manimal

Ociffer Tackleberry
Feb 27, 2002
7,212
17
Blindly running into cactus
Set the rules, love her unconditionally, and she's likely to respect your wishes and not try to fill some "daddy void" with stupid boys.
(says the dad who's daughters came back from the prize counter at the arcade with pink fuzzy handcuffs so that they could be cops like daddy ;) )
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,379
1
Oz
Get a friend with a lot of guns to come over the first time the special friend comes over. Have them wear cut-offs that let his balls fall out (your friend, not her "special friend") and a wife beater. Have him tackle the kid into the wall, and have your friend explain that he's ok with going back to jail. Then you and your friend, hopefully with his balls hanging out of his pants, explain in language that can't be misconstrued, that if one hair on her head is moved or one ruffle on her pretty pink panties is out of sort, that your friend will spend three days ass raping him and then he'll use his head as a hat while he does his silence of the lambs dance.
 

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,430
1,949
Front Range, dude...
I used to work with this crusty old SGM who had 6 gorgeous daughters. I asked him once how he handled them dating...he said that he insisted on meeting their dates, and when the boys would come over he would collect a $20 deposit on his daughter, to be returned when the daughter was returned happy and on time. He said he never once kept the money...
 

Pesqueeb

bicycle in airplane hangar
Feb 2, 2007
40,145
16,540
Riding the baggage carousel.
I used to work with this crusty old SGM who had 6 gorgeous daughters. I asked him once how he handled them dating...he said that he insisted on meeting their dates, and when the boys would come over he would collect a $20 deposit on his daughter, to be returned when the daughter was returned happy and on time. He said he never once kept the money...
This is fantastic. I still have a couple years before I have to worry but I'm going to remember this.
 

bizutch

Delicate CUSTOM flower
Dec 11, 2001
15,928
24
Over your shoulder whispering
I used to work with this crusty old SGM who had 6 gorgeous daughters. I asked him once how he handled them dating...he said that he insisted on meeting their dates, and when the boys would come over he would collect a $20 deposit on his daughter, to be returned when the daughter was returned happy and on time. He said he never once kept the money...
Geez, I'm upping that dollar figure. Drastically.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
40,943
13,135
Portland, OR
My daughter turns 12 today. She is in 6th grade and has been changing on a near daily basis for the last year. She's not my little baby anymore, but I try my best to show her as much affection as she wants, listen to her stupid stories, and try to make her my focus when I am around. I will be moving out soon, but not far. But it's the contact that matters.

There is a great book I read called "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" that covers from a woman's perspective the needs of a pre-teen to teen girl and how to avoid daddy issues.
 

Jeremy R

<b>x</b>
Nov 15, 2001
9,698
1,053
behind you with a snap pop
listen to her stupid stories, and try to make her my focus when I am around.
Ha, the other day I picked up my 4 year old daughter from preschool and I drove her to gymnastics which is 25 minutes away. From the time she got in my truck, she did not stop talking the entire drive. Not once, not even a little bit. Ate a whole pack of crackers and talked right through it. Gotta love 'em.
 
Get a friend with a lot of guns to come over the first time the special friend comes over. Have them wear cut-offs that let his balls fall out (your friend, not her "special friend") and a wife beater. Have him tackle the kid into the wall, and have your friend explain that he's ok with going back to jail. Then you and your friend, hopefully with his balls hanging out of his pants, explain in language that can't be misconstrued, that if one hair on her head is moved or one ruffle on her pretty pink panties is out of sort, that your friend will spend three days ass raping him and then he'll use his head as a hat while he does his silence of the lambs dance.
you mean the same way Sandusky did to you?
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,379
1
Oz
you mean the same way Sandusky did to you?
That was in the shower and his balls were in full view. What really made that day suck was when Papa Joe came in a face humped me all "finger cuffs" style from Chasing Amy.

They still didn't party as hard as the priests, but that's another story.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
40,943
13,135
Portland, OR
Ha, the other day I picked up my 4 year old daughter from preschool and I drove her to gymnastics which is 25 minutes away. From the time she got in my truck, she did not stop talking the entire drive. Not once, not even a little bit. Ate a whole pack of crackers and talked right through it. Gotta love 'em.
I think the statistic I read was girls/women speak an average of 5000 words a day while men only speak 1500. My daughter will recite entire My Little Pony episodes and all I have to do is smile and laugh. I love the time spent and so does she.
 
I used to work with this crusty old SGM who had 6 gorgeous daughters. I asked him once how he handled them dating...he said that he insisted on meeting their dates, and when the boys would come over he would collect a $20 deposit on his daughter, to be returned when the daughter was returned happy and on time. He said he never once kept the money...
Women as property?