[Pesqueeb]

Got a text a little bit ago from wife saying she'd "Just caught Carissa lying to me about what she's been doing on her tablet. She hid it from me, then I took it and saw she's been looking up pictures on the internet. My Little pony pictures, but still. Can you help me find out what else she's been up to?"

A quick dive down the history rabbit hole (thank you Google for connected device account history) revealed mostly innocent things with two exceptions. 1. "pictures of lesbians parents" and 2. "women going pee".

The obvious possible sexual orientation issues aside, I need a little advice on how to approach internet safety and macro sex issues with an 8 year old without making her super uncomfortable or having her shut us out. I knew this sort of thing was inevitable but figured I had a couple more years. Clearly this was naive of me.

 

[eric strt6]

On the bright side you can share watching lesbian pron together..

Seriously you and the wife just need to have a respectfull but supportive at the same time discussion with her about internet use and predators and and open discussion of sexuality and gender issues.

 

[Pesqueeb]

On the bright side you can share watching lesbian pron together..

"When you have a boy, you only have to worry about one penis. When you have a girl you have to worry about them all."
Frankly, I'll breathe a little easier if that's the team she decides to go to bat for.

*edit: The lesbian team I mean.


It's the second part that's going to be hard. I'm trying to figure out how to do exactly that. I guess if it were easy there would be a manual.

 

[Westy]

I am no parent and I don't think Shimz will help here

Perhaps an honest open conversation with the kiddo?

 

[dan-o]

I'm pretty tact less when it comes to this stuff with my boys. The wife and I pretty much just say what's on our mind and gauge the next steps off their reaction.

Need to give the 13yo another round of talks but thankfully our liberal schools are pretty thorough with this stuff.

I don't look at their search history.
Some things are better left unseen.

 

[cecil]

let the wife talk to her first without you incase she gets uncomfortable with a male present she was looking at girl stuff not boy stuff, plus she will not feel like she is being put on the spot and interrogated

curiosity is normal

let her know its ok to want "to learn about things" and there is a proper way to learn about them

 

[jonKranked]

Regarding exception 1- maybe she's just making sure you're a dad and not mom #2.

 

[jonKranked]

Regarding exception 2- at least she's working her way up to 2g1c.

 

[jonKranked]

Also, are you sure drunk squeeb didn't get s hold of her tablet?

 

[Pesqueeb]

Also, are you sure drunk squeeb didn't get s hold of her tablet?

Pretty sure. Google had teh voice search saved and was available as a playback. Definitely not my voice.

 

[boostindoubles]

Maybe she has a friend with some lesbian parents?

 

[stevew]

ask a lesbian?

 

[Pesqueeb]

Maybe she has a friend with some lesbian parents?

We have as many lesbian friends as straight friends here in town. I officiated a lesbian wedding two weeks ago. I know we've talked about how that means "a girl who likes another girl". I had assumed she was familiar with the concept, but now I dunno.

ask a lesbian?

This has occurred to me. Actually the lesbian couple we refer to and she knows as her "aunts" would be perfect for this but they are on holiday in Alaska right now.

 

[junkyard]

Oh man, are you saying I have t minus five years? My three year old can lie. Not well but still. Not sure if it's a good sign she's smart or bad sign. My best guess is to just be honest and do whatever feels right.

 

[Pesqueeb]

Oh man, are you saying I have t minus five years? My three year old can lie. Not well but still. Not sure if it's a good sign she's smart or bad sign. My best guess is to just be honest and do whatever feels right.

If you're lucky.

 

[Toshi]

I'm just going to have to keep my eyes and ears shut for the next 15 years given that I have two girls.

 

[jdcamb]

Run around the house banging pans together until everyone complys. Stop for 10 minutes and bang the pots together for another 90 minutes. Full cooperation will finally be obtained after you wrestle and pin all your offspring. Bite them for good measure.

 

[JohnE]

Run around the house banging pans together until everyone complys. Stop for 10 minutes and bang the pots together for another 90 minutes. Full cooperation will finally be obtained after you wrestle and pin all your offspring. Bite them for good measure.

This isnt Festivus, this is serious.


Not that Festivus isnt serious.

 

[Serial Midget]

I think the best advice here is too stop looking at her browsing history, she will find whatever it is she wants to find regardless of what you say, she only lied to you because she was afraid of your reaction or somehow perceived what she was looking for was wrong. Nothing you wrote seems abnormal or dangerous to me. Help her make good decisions, understand right and wrong and think for herself.

 

[jonKranked]

First it's googling pee, then it's R Kelly songs, before you know it you're a star of German sheiße movies

 

[rideit]

Total aside, but my 8 yr old son likes Megan Traynor (sp?).
It's mortifying.

 

[canadmos]

Search history, I think, is almost like taking a peak at what someone is thinking. Especially Google's, as you know they even record and transpose what you ask Google.

That can be scary.

I didn't know that, until after playing with okay Google one day...

I'd mirror what others say and let mom have a chat.

 

[Pesqueeb]

I think the best advice here is too stop looking at her browsing history, she will find whatever it is she wants to find regardless of what you say, she only lied to you because she was afraid of your reaction or somehow perceived what she was looking for was wrong. Nothing you wrote seems abnormal or dangerous to me. Help her make good decisions, understand right and wrong and think for herself.

After a long talk with the wife last night we decided we're only going to approach her on the fact that she was searching the web without asking us first, which is how we've asked her to use the internet. She is welcome to lookup whatever she wants as long as we're around and she has asked permission, so this is what she's in trouble for. We're going to have a talk about how the internet is both good and bad and we are not going to mention the non-pony searches. She is going to get a copy of the book The Care and Keeping of You which is written for girls her age, and we will start a dialog with that. My wife wants me to install a filter on her browser of some sort, I'm not sure I agree with that which means I'll be doing it anyway, and thats fine as well. I realize such tools are not perfect but it will at least keep her off of pornhub.

 

[jonKranked]

"ginger dad, what's a Tallahassee Dump Truck?"

 

[kazlx]

Just make sure to keep her out of your search history. That might be awkward.

 

[jimmydean]

I think the best advice here is too stop looking at her browsing history, she will find whatever it is she wants to find regardless of what you say, she only lied to you because she was afraid of your reaction or somehow perceived what she was looking for was wrong. Nothing you wrote seems abnormal or dangerous to me. Help her make good decisions, understand right and wrong and think for herself.

I know my ex looks at everything (including mine when she could) but I have never looked. I had open conversations with my kids and they knew I could look (see how that is part of my job and stuff) but I didn't.

On the other note, there are questions about my daughter as well. Or at least they were, but she is far away from anything alternative now. Thanks Idaho

 

[kickstand]

Our kids are a tad older, no major internet search issues yet, but we have explained to them how easily a picture or video can go viral, how hard it is to take your weenus back off the internet, and why you don't want your weenus on the internet to begin with.

You already addressed it, but my initial reaction was to question why she was on the internet at that age with out permission. Our kids at 11 still need to ask to do the googles. As others have also suggested, we kinda go with the "everything is normal" nowadays approach to any sort of question they have and just explain why it may or may not be our cup of tea, be it tea bagging, lesbian moms or finding out our daughters friend is a suicidal cutter...

 

[Beef Supreme]

As the father of 13 and 9 year old girls, I might be able to offer some perspective. Both of my girls have best friends who have lesbian parents. The initial conversation about how families can be different was very straight forward but a lot of questions came up later. For example, why is one mommy pretty and the other mommy butch? (not exact words, obviously) Why do lesbians always get divorced? Anyway, I think a lot of questions can come up that have more to do with trying to understand a different family type. I don't think they really had anything to do with the kid's own identification.

As for the pee thing, that might be worth a discussion because maybe she thinks there is something different or wrong with her. Little boys see other boys pee so they have more perspective than girls.

I don't really know but just some thoughts.

 

[TreeSaw]

Coming in late here, but my $.02 as a mom of 2 girls (4 & 10 are the new teenagers) & teacher of many girls...

I would focus less on the content of the searches and more on Internet safety and the house rules for use. My daughters know that they need to ask to go online and that I can at any time see exactly what they have been looking at (never have had to check it out without them knowing but we did have an incident where my oldest was searching for something and she wanted to know why inappropriate things came up). Perhaps your daughter is curious and having an open conversation with her may help her to open up. In my house, I would be the one talking to the girls because I'm a girl and Sqearl wouldn't be all that comfortable. I'm pretty open about everything with the girls so they can ask me anything and have asked some pretty random questions already. Good luck!!!

 

[jonKranked]

Show her 4chan. Specifically b. She'll never go on the internet again.

 

[rockofullr]

Show her 4chan. Specifically b. She'll never go on the internet again.

I dunno man. It didn't work that way for you. You went to /b and just never left.

 

[jonKranked]

I dunno man. It didn't work that way for you. You went to /b and just never left.

b didn't exist when i was 'squeeb's kids' age

 

[rockofullr]

b didn't exist when i was 'squeeb's kids' age

I discovered IRC chat rooms at a young age, way way back in the day before anyone was paying attention to that kind of shit. I saw some things man...

 

[jimmydean]

I discovered IRC chat rooms at a young age, way way back in the day before anyone was paying attention to that kind of shit. I saw some things man...

I had some BBS numbers that ruined me. At 300bps, you had to wait a long time before you knew you didn't want to see it. Then it was way too late.

 

[stevew]

First it's googling pee, then it's R Kelly songs, before you know it you're a star of German sheiße movies

real talk....for when she is arguing with her girl...

 

[ICEBALL585]

Show her Ridemonkey. She'll never go on the internet again.

ftfy.

 

[Pesqueeb]

b didn't exist when i was 'squeeb's kids' age

When we were her age the internet only existed at colleges and military installations.

 

[jonKranked]

When we were her age the internet only existed at colleges and military installations.

maybe you. i was on dial up by 10.

 

[Pesqueeb]

maybe you. i was on dial up by 10.

I want to say I was 12 or 13 when we first got teh interwebz. 91, 92 maybe? Dial up, and we were the first people I knew who had it. My dad actually got it for work. He also had the first cell phone I'd ever seen.

 

[jdcamb]

I am still going with running around the house banging pans.