[slowSSer]

ok, family types:

how do you deal with holidays? here's the situation: the gf and I are living together and going to be getting married sometime in late 2005. :love:

the engagement is really unofficial, as we're trying to get into our own place next week (these roommates suck) and $ is tight. so, a holiday such as thanksgiving is huge for both our families.

how do we decide where to go?

the hard part is that i've got a 95 year old grandmother and my gf only has a mom. turkey day with both fam's together isnt the best idea. but, that's a story for another day.

we do know that down the road when we've got our own grommets, the holidays will turn into "wanna see us for the holidays? we'll be at our home". selfish, but easier to do wtih kids.

thanks people.

 

[JSB]

I've been doing this for 9 years this December. Trust me it never gets easier. Yours might not be as bad because you can always have her mothr join your family. In my case both our parents live in the metro. Plus eveyone on my moms side except one lives in the metro. My dads side never really gets together, due to a family fued. My wifes side has grandma, and the rest of her moms side flys in from out of state for Christmas. Her dads side flys in for thanksgiving. Some where around the second week of November her mother calls. So are you all coming over for thanksiving to see everyone. My mom does the same. What's hard is my moms side gets together for both holidays. Where my mother inlaws side getting together for xmas, and my father inlaws side gets together for thanksgiving. So if we split the holidays we always miss some one on the wifes side. Plus we get the guilt trip. It's a constant nightmare, and it makes you hate the holidays. We've tried splitting the days in half, but the one you leave always says you didn't stay long enough. And don't think kids will help you, because them they throw in..."they want to see the baby". So then you say I'm staying home and you guys can come over here. But do you want 20 people from your moms side, and 20 from you wifes side coming over screwing up the place. Having to provide food, and etc. I think not. Just live through the nightmare. At least your future wife just has her mother. That's a peice of cake, compared to what I go through.

The past couple of years we've done who ever gets thanksgiving, gets christmas eve, and the other gets Christmas. Then we rotate that each year. That has worked so far. Crossing my fingers.

 

[wooglin]

http://www.visitjamaica.com

 

[slowSSer]

http://www.visitjamaica.com

that's for the honeymoon!

 

[slowSSer]

I've been doing this for 9 years this December. Trust me it never gets easier. Yours might not be as bad because you can always have her mothr join your family. In my case both our parents live in the metro. Plus eveyone on my moms side except one lives in the metro. My dads side never really gets together, due to a family fued. My wifes side has grandma, and the rest of her moms side flys in from out of state for Christmas. Her dads side flys in for thanksgiving. Some where around the second week of November her mother calls. So are you all coming over for thanksiving to see everyone. My mom does the same. What's hard is my moms side gets together for both holidays. Where my mother inlaws side getting together for xmas, and my father inlaws side gets together for thanksgiving. So if we split the holidays we always miss some one on the wifes side. Plus we get the guilt trip. It's a constant nightmare, and it makes you hate the holidays. We've tried splitting the days in half, but the one you leave always says you didn't stay long enough. And don't think kids will help you, because them they throw in..."they want to see the baby". So then you say I'm staying home and you guys can come over here. But do you want 20 people from your moms side, and 20 from you wifes side coming over screwing up the place. Having to provide food, and etc. I think not. Just live through the nightmare. At least your future wife just has her mother. That's a peice of cake, compared to what I go through.

The past couple of years we've done who ever gets thanksgiving, gets christmas eve, and the other gets Christmas. Then we rotate that each year. That has worked so far. Crossing my fingers.

swaping seems like the only good way to keep the families happy.

 

[I Are Baboon]

My wife is Jewish, so holidays are not a problem for us.

Easter and Xmas with my family. Yom Kippur, Passover, and Hanukkah with her family. Thanksgiving is the only "problem" holiday, but my family has traditionally served Thanksgiving lunch as opposed to dinner, so we have a full meal at noon with my family, and a full dinner around 6:00 with her family. Then it's two days of Thanksgiving face-stuffing recovery.

 

[SkaredShtles]

Man, I'm glad not to have to deal with this..........

My inlaws & my own family is "flexible" on holidays. If you miss Xmas, you just celebrate it a week later. Or a week earlier. They don't view it as the end of the world, thank God.........

-S.S.-

 

[Velocity Girl]

Alternating holidays/visits has always worked for me. My mom and dad are divorced so I've been dealing with it for quite some time from that side and when a significant other gets thrown into the mix it gets even more challenging. Try to feel out both sides as to which holidays are the truly important ones to them. My mom would rather have me there on x-mas eve and forgo all the other holidays. If there's not distinction there, you just gotta rotate. If they try to throw the guilt trip you can always try my mantra of "the day you try and guilt trip me into coming to see you is the day I don't come" and just try to explain how rotating is fair for everyone because both families would be equally hurt if they never got to spend a holiday with you. The other alternative.....move out of state.....works like a charm

 

[JSB]

The other alternative.....move out of state.....works like a charm

I've been trying to talk my wife into that for years now. Then it's..Oh I can't afford to come this time" Like my cousin does.

I think it's the moms that try the guilt thing. I doubt either of the fathers give a rats ars if you show up or not. So far I've liked rotating rather than getting there as early as possible then loading everyone up and heading off to the other family for a few hours. Then loading up, and heading home feeling wrecked from rushing around all day.

 

[SkaredShtles]

I've been trying to talk my wife into that for years now. <snip>

So what's her problem. Should be a no-brainer, being you live in Tejas and all.............

-S.S.-

 

[Morryjg]

We just set it up that each family gets Thanksgiving or Christmas. We just alternate every year as to where we'll be.

 

[Velocity Girl]

I've been trying to talk my wife into that for years now. Then it's..Oh I can't afford to come this time" Like my cousin does.

I think it's the moms that try the guilt thing. I doubt either of the fathers give a rats ars if you show up or not. So far I've liked rotating rather than getting there as early as possible then loading everyone up and heading off to the other family for a few hours. Then loading up, and heading home feeling wrecked from rushing around all day.

I love my family and love visiting them, but a trip home a few x-mas's ago made me remember why I try to avoid going home for holidays! Everyone is way to stressed for my taste! I actually enjoy calling over to the house on x-mas eve now and teasing my brothers because they have to deal with all the relatives and I don't

 

[stosh]

become a Jehova Witness.

 

[Brian HCM#1]

We alternate for turkey day, Julie gets Xmas cause I'm Jewish.

 

[TreeSaw]

We have our families over to our house for Turkey day and the do a crazy x-mas eve with my family, x-mas day with my husband's family (gramma, aunts & uncles) and the day after x-mas with his family. It's a little crazy...but it works for now.

Before then, we rotated turkey day between the families.

 

[JRB]

I've been doing this for 9 years this December. Trust me it never gets easier. Yours might not be as bad because you can always have her mothr join your family. In my case both our parents live in the metro. Plus eveyone on my moms side except one lives in the metro. My dads side never really gets together, due to a family fued. My wifes side has grandma, and the rest of her moms side flys in from out of state for Christmas. Her dads side flys in for thanksgiving. Some where around the second week of November her mother calls. So are you all coming over for thanksiving to see everyone. My mom does the same. What's hard is my moms side gets together for both holidays. Where my mother inlaws side getting together for xmas, and my father inlaws side gets together for thanksgiving. So if we split the holidays we always miss some one on the wifes side. Plus we get the guilt trip. It's a constant nightmare, and it makes you hate the holidays. We've tried splitting the days in half, but the one you leave always says you didn't stay long enough. And don't think kids will help you, because them they throw in..."they want to see the baby". So then you say I'm staying home and you guys can come over here. But do you want 20 people from your moms side, and 20 from you wifes side coming over screwing up the place. Having to provide food, and etc. I think not. Just live through the nightmare. At least your future wife just has her mother. That's a peice of cake, compared to what I go through.

The past couple of years we've done who ever gets thanksgiving, gets christmas eve, and the other gets Christmas. Then we rotate that each year. That has worked so far. Crossing my fingers.

I'm fairly certain I will still be trying to decipher all of this during both holidays.

 

[JSB]

So what's her problem. Should be a no-brainer, being you live in Tejas and all.............

-S.S.-

I'm probably one of the few that were born here, and wouldn't mind leaving.

I think she can't stay away from mommy too long. The first year and a half we were married. We moved 40 minutes away. After that we had to move back. Why I don't know. She wanted to be closer to family.

 

[surfinguru]

Meh, holidays are WAY over rated. Just stay home and enjoy the time off and ride your bikes. Me and Foamy are boycotting.

Non-Holiday

(CAREFUL! Audio is NSFW)