[ghettorigged]

Ok so I've been dating a girl for a year-ish now. We were supposed to just be friends, then, whoops! Well you know how that goes sometimes. Anyway, we decided to be in a monogamous relationship and both have been faithful. Recently she has started to cry and say things like "I'm not sure how I feel about us" and stuff like that. We have never told each other "i love you" but I know I love her, just scared to say so.

The thing is, we have fun together, talk, and have a good sex life. I would be willing to keep dating and maybe one day do more of a family thing. She says she knows we have grown a lot closer, etc but she also says she thinks I need more than she can give right now (always followed by "but I'm not sure"). WTF? It's weird. If I tell her I can't do something with her, she gets sad and really wants me to be with her. I know she is under a tremendous amount of stress lately (new job, buying a house) but I'm not sure what's going on between us.

Anyone?

 

[johnbryanpeters]

...I know I love her, just scared to say so...

Speak up.

 

[N8 v2.0]

Ok so I've been dating a girl for a year-ish now. We were supposed to just be friends, then, whoops! Well you know how that goes sometimes. Anyway, we decided to be in a monogamous relationship and both have been faithful. Recently she has started to cry and say things like "I'm not sure how I feel about us" and stuff like that. We have never told each other "i love you" but I know I love her, just scared to say so.

The thing is, we have fun together, talk, and have a good sex life. I would be willing to keep dating and maybe one day do more of a family thing. She says she knows we have grown a lot closer, etc but she also says she thinks I need more than she can give right now (always followed by "but I'm not sure"). WTF? It's weird. If I tell her I can't do something with her, she gets sad and really wants me to be with her. I know she is under a tremendous amount of stress lately (new job, buying a house) but I'm not sure what's going on between us.

Anyone?

Gall dnag ol' Wimmen!!!

 

[TreeSaw]

Hmmm...that's a tough one. Why are you scared to tell her how you feel? Maybe she's really feeling the same way and waying she's not sure is her way of "feeling out" how you really feel?

 

[DRB]

That's gonna be kind of difficult in this case, KoF....

What does she have a peg leg? Just kick the other one.

 

[N8 v2.0]

What does she have a peg leg? Just kick the other one.

Nope... both are women in this case.

 

[BikeGeek]

...she thinks I need more than she can give right now...

Ask her to bring a friend over.

Seriously, tell her how you feel and why.

 

[stosh]

HI!!

Long time no see!

 

[hooples3]

conversation.. and honesty during one is the key to a great relationship

 

[ghettorigged]

I am scared that she doesn't love me back. Or if she does, that it's love like cute kitten-love or love like "free lift pass- thanks, man!" love. I mean, what if it's not the "i don't care if you have bad credit and don't do your dishes" love?

My job(s) makes it hard for us to see each other so we only ever spend weekends together. I usually drive the 30 min down to see her and we spend all weekend together. Sometimes doing that makes us both feel like we didn't get down-time to ourselves. I will come home and realize I didnt do my laundry or dishes. She'll be sweeping up dog hair from my pooch for an hour.

The good news is that I am supposed to start a new job soon. And, she has started therapy to help with her stress issues. Not sure if those altered dynamics will end up helping enough to make her feel sure - whether that's YAY sure or GET OUT sure.

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>
The good news is that I am supposed to start a new job soon. And, she has started therapy to help with her stress issues. Not sure if those altered dynamics will end up helping enough to make her feel sure - whether that's YAY sure or GET OUT sure.

Maybe you should both go for counseling............

 

[BikeGeek]

I am scared that she doesn't love me back. Or if she does, that it's love like cute kitten-love or love like "free lift pass- thanks, man!" love. I mean, what if it's not the "i don't care if you have bad credit and don't do your dishes" love?

Depending on your goals, it might be good to find out now rather than invest a lot of time/money into a relationship that's not going where you want it to. Then again, there's a lot to be said for "for the moment" relationships. My best friend in the world is a woman I dated off and on between '86 and '98.

 

[ghettorigged]

Did I mention she rides her bike everywhere? I mean, c'mon, good looking girls are hard to find and then to find one that rides?!?!


Ok, ok, ok... so she's a roadie, so what?

 

[Tenchiro]

Ok, ok, ok... so she's a roadie, so what?

Dump her.

 

[stosh]

Did I mention she rides her bike everywhere? I mean, c'mon, good looking girls are hard to find and then to find one that rides?!?!


Ok, ok, ok... so she's a roadie, so what?

You living in Manyunck ?

 

[ghettorigged]

no, can't afford manyunk!! NE phila. Looking to head to W phila by fall.

 

[douglas]

How hurt would you be if after you say ILU, she doesnt say it back?

 

[ghettorigged]

pretty darn hurt... but I guess at least I would know the truth...

 

[ghettorigged]

but doesn't "i'm not sure" mean that she may not know if she loves me? That's kinda the way I took the talk we had. I haven't been feeling very good about us ever since that talk. Ironic thing is, when she started to cry before we talked, I thought it was because she wanted to tell me that she loves me! What a slap I had when she instead said she isn't sure how she feels right now.

 

[robdamanii]

Sit down and talk to her. Knowing the truth may hurt, but in the long run, you'll thank yourself and her for being honest, regardless of the outcome. Really, if you don't have similar goals in life and if you don't want similar things, you're wasting each other's time.

 

[douglas]

the last chick I said ILU to, the 1st time i said it replied with something like I have been kissing those words on your neck for a few weeks.......but she didnt come out and say it back



well, she did but like a week later

 

[jacksonpt]

pretty darn hurt... but I guess at least I would know the truth...

why? that doesn't change who she is, who you are, or the dynamics between you. If you love her, but she doesn't love you, what's the big deal? By the sounds of things, you are committed to each other and that's what matters in a relationship. You've got a good thing going... if you say it and she doesn't, then you know where things stand and can keep going as things have been (but with a bit less uncertainty). If you say it and she says it back, then... Seems to me like it's a win/win big situation. The fact that she can't/won't say "I love you" isn't necessarily a shot at you.

Do you need more than she can give? If not, tell her that. more than likely, that's causing some of her stress - if you can alieviate some of that stress, that will be better for both of you.

 

[jacksonpt]

she isn't sure how she feels right now.

don't take "I'm not sure" as a sign that she's questioning the relationship or how she feels about you... she might just be questioning how to "label" her feelings, especially if she's afraid of telling you she loves you and scaring you off.

BTW.. how old are you two, and have either of you had serious relationships before? I only ask that to help frame this discussion a bit.

 

[I Are Baboon]

If you are not confident of the "I love you" return, that could be a pretty big matza ball hanging out there.

 

[ghettorigged]

we did talk but when i asked her just to tell me what's up, she said she didn't know. She said she feels confused. I asked confused about what and she still couldn't say. I got really frustrated and tried to pry more stuff out of her and then SHE got frustrated. I asked her if she likes dating me and she said yes. So I said "well then let's just see how it goes" and that was the end of the talk. Then we made out.

 

[ThePriceSeliger]

we did talk but when i asked her just to tell me what's up, she said she didn't know. She said she feels confused. I asked confused about what and she still couldn't say. I got really frustrated and tried to pry more stuff out of her and then SHE got frustrated. I asked her if she likes dating me and she said yes. So I said "well then let's just see how it goes" and that was the end of the talk. Then we made out.

A true love story. Did you then get in her pants?

 

[N8 v2.0]

we did ....and that was the end of the talk. Then we made out.

[Ridemonkeys]..PICS? [/RideMonkeys]

 

[MTB_Rob_NC]

Hmmm...that's a tough one. Why are you scared to tell her how you feel? Maybe she's really feeling the same way and waying she's not sure is her way of "feeling out" how you really feel?

You just said you love her on the intraweb to stangers, you cant say it to her.


You sure? Maybe she is picking up on that

 

[ghettorigged]

I'm 29 and she's 26. I have been in one long termer, and she hasn't...unless her high school bf counts?

I have actually never felt so LESS needy than in this relationship. I feel like we are both really attracted to each other and have similar morals/values and enjoy each other's company. However, her uncertainty makes me feel like I need validation more often than I did a few weeks ago. Now I'm finding myself wondering if she's not emailing because she is trying to make distance or not text messaging me because she's done with that 'phase' or whatever.

I told her I'm not in need of anything from her and that I am trying to listen to what she wants and needs from me. A few small things I did manage to get out of her I have made conscious efforts to work on.

 

[Konabumm]

Dude, she is trying to break it too you easy. It's over, be the man and make the first move. Drop her ass, give it a few weeks and she will come back.

If she dosen't....... Go fishing

 

[greenchris]

with my experience once one of the people in the relationship start to drift or start doubting the relationship its time to jump ship. thats only with my experience. every relationship i have tried to stick around a fix it just doesnt happen. if your stressing yourself out and her decisions are affecting in a negative way then id end and get the trouble over wiht. there are plenty of women out there.

 

[bluebug32]

it sounds like she's testing your interest in her possibly because she's insecure or has no clue what you think of her (sometimes, no often times, girls like to have this stuff spelled out). If you love her, go out on a limb and say it. If you feel hesitant, then are you sure you really love her? You could always shoot her an email and sign it "love" just to feel things out and see if she reciprocates.

 

[ALEXIS_DH]

Ok so I've been dating a girl for a year-ish now. We were supposed to just be friends, then, whoops! Well you know how that goes sometimes. Anyway, we decided to be in a monogamous relationship and both have been faithful. Recently she has started to cry and say things like "I'm not sure how I feel about us" and stuff like that. We have never told each other "i love you" but I know I love her, just scared to say so.

The thing is, we have fun together, talk, and have a good sex life. I would be willing to keep dating and maybe one day do more of a family thing. She says she knows we have grown a lot closer, etc but she also says she thinks I need more than she can give right now (always followed by "but I'm not sure"). WTF? It's weird. If I tell her I can't do something with her, she gets sad and really wants me to be with her. I know she is under a tremendous amount of stress lately (new job, buying a house) but I'm not sure what's going on between us.

Anyone?

i think that she is having serious doubts and all the "but.... "´s are just disclaimers, kinda like saying "not today" instead of "no", or "we´ll call you back if something opens up".

maybe the doubts are because she is not interested anymore, or because she doesnt feel secure about how you feel about her and your willingness to commit.
i think the 2nd can be solved with you being honest and if your expectations are compatible. the 1st, it would be hard to overcome.
anyways, thats my opinion.

 

[OGRipper]

The roles here are often reversed, but you need to tell her that she needs to communicate better because you are confused and unable to read her signals or interpret the few things she has articulated. Saying you love her should not be a big deal - love is a high stakes game and you need to take some risks for the rewards. But it means different things to different people and unless you talk about it you will never know. She may think it means "I want to spend every minute of the rest of my life with you and have babies and share bank accounts and houses and I will kill myself if you don't feel the same way..."

And I agree with what others have said, you are better off knowing the hard truth than living with uncertainty. It's not fair for either of you to be in a committed monogamous relationship without knowing where you stand.

If you approach like most here are advising, she might come around but if not, you can move on with a clear conscience.

 

[laura]

I mean, what if it's not the "i don't care if you don't do your dishes" love?

there is no such thing. nobody enjoys cleaning up after your lazy ass, i promise.

sit down and talk to her. it make take a while to get everything out, but this is a situation in a relationship that does not need to be dragged out. it's best that you both know where the relationship is going.

What's the worst that will happen. she doesn't love you. OK. move on. it's better to know than to stay together, unfulfilled and in a relationship that is not growing or moving forward.

 

[douglas]

with my experience once one of the people in the relationship start to drift or start doubting the relationship its time to jump ship. thats only with my experience. every relationship i have tried to stick around a fix it just doesnt happen. if your stressing yourself out and her decisions are affecting in a negative way then id end and get the trouble over wiht. there are plenty of women out there.

maybe when these chicks find out how you really are....they want out!

 

[blt2ride]

You have to tell her how you feel. She probably feels the same way, and is now getting upset since she doesn't know where the relationship is going.

 

[DRB]

there is no such thing. nobody enjoys cleaning up after your lazy ass, i promise.

Truer words were never spoken.

 

[Brian HCM#1]

Dude, she is trying to break it too you easy. It's over, be the man and make the first move. Drop her ass, give it a few weeks and she will come back.

If she dosen't....... Go fishing

IMO, you pretty much nailed this one, I agree 100%. Drop her and move on, as much as it hurts, do it. This is usually the sign there may be a new guy she's interested in. Seems to have all the characteristics of it.

 

[DRB]

Dude she is trying to break it too you easy. It's over, be the man and make the first move. Drop her ass, give it a few weeks and she will come back.

If she dosen't....... Go fishing

You should review this thread carefully.