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Ok girls since I don`t talk to many women ,I have a question for you

shocktower

Monkey
Sep 7, 2001
623
0
Molalla Oregon
Yesterday my wife gave me an ultimadum (sp?),she said if i did not quit wearing my work clothes she is going to leave me ,she told me since she takes such goiod care or her self and she thinks she looks good that I should too .but heres the thing I think she does not look good yeah she has the expensive clothes good hair and nails ,but she needs to lose about 50-60 # in my eyes a fat girl with nice clothes does nothing for me .Now I have never told her she was a fat pig I think thats too much but she tells me I`am like white trash ,and I`am unattractive to her now ( I wear my super comfy Carhart over alls alot they are clean and with out holes ,I have been working my ass off and I don`t feel like changing ) like yesterday we went to the marriage counseler (sp?) and he told her that there is no problem with me wearing Carhart overalls ,and to not be so judgemental .I feel like really telling Her how I feel that your fat ass does nothing for me it even kinda disgusts me ,( she weight about 117 when we got married 15 years ago now she`s pushing 165-170 ) she tells me by buying nice plus size clothes she is making her self attractive to me :eek: :eek: ,and with Her walking she,going to the salons ,she is taking good care of her self .`Am I carzy or is she .I don`t like being called Ugly ,no body does really .OK enough girls let it fly
 

geargrrl

Turbo Monkey
May 2, 2002
2,379
1
pnw -dry side
just my two cents, and I'm really good at dimestore analysis.

She needs to mind her own business, it's only clothes ferchrissakes. My hubby lives in sweats ( works at home office) but when we go out he cleans up and that's all I care about.

Who he is is way more important than what he wears.


Now, if you are using poor judgement, i.e., not putting on something presentable when the inlaws are taking you out to brunch at the country club, then, yah, you need to reconsider how you dress. But, for the most part I think wanting to dictate how a spouse dresses is a control issue. It's much easier to point fingers in judgement at your partner than it is to look at your own issues.

I have had women friends that routinely go through their hubby's closets and throw out old well loved clothing. That's just wrong. So freaking what if he loves those old ratty flannel shirts he's had for 10 years, he's just wearing them around the house!

Good luck on your marriage counseling. I've been down that road; it was one of the hardest yet most worthwhile things that we did together as a couple.

fyi, I'm 45, married 20+ years to the same guy, we've had our ups and downs, did some really hard work together. My idea of looking good for my hubby is hard quads from lots of singletrack uphills and coming in all sweaty and dirty from a good bike ride.

geargrrl

edit, if she's threatening to leave you over what you wear... my friend, you have a lot bigger issues in your marriage that your style choices. That's just a red herring.
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
16,689
472
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
I'm with geargrrl on this one. Sounds to me like you both need to continue the counselling and work out some serious issues (deeper than the clothing and weight things). My man and I have been married 7 years (together to 10) and are still VERY happily married.

As for my husband's closet, he's got ratty old jeans, flannel shirts and T-shirts from when he was in HS still! I would never throw them out and certainly he'd never wear them if we were going out or expecting guests. Neither one of us really cares for expensive or designer clothes so atleast we're on the same page with that!

I don't think you're crazy and neither is your wife...there are some problems here and I don't presume to know what they are. Good luck with the counseling though...I do hope it helps!
 

amydalayna

Turbo Monkey
Aug 16, 2005
1,507
0
south lake tahoe, ca
all the other mud hunnies are wise. and tell it how it is.
clothes are not the issue here.
i'm kind of a slob and my husband is very clean cut. and we're still together after 9 years (married for only 5 months)

i find that when we argue about the really small things... like cleaning the house or what not, it's because we're really mad about something much bigger.
 

cyclemom

Chimp
Oct 1, 2005
5
0
Shocktower- Thanks for the good laugh - If your butt looks hot in carhart overalls, just keep wearing them.
 

Peteydag

Monkey
Sep 19, 2004
109
0
the FC
i think "heavy"(not fat) girls can eb hot, if they try to look nice, and they have a good body and face to begin with, maybe jus a lil chunks
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,411
0
SF
amydalayna said:
all the other mud hunnies are wise. and tell it how it is.
clothes are not the issue here.
i'm kind of a slob and my husband is very clean cut. and we're still together after 9 years (married for only 5 months)

i find that when we argue about the really small things... like cleaning the house or what not, it's because we're really mad about something much bigger.
I didn't want to say anything, but Mr. Amydalayna has confined in me how messy you dress. Maybe this is not the place to talk about your appearance, but you really need to start dressing more lady like, less overalls and workshirts, and more fashionable slacks and floral prints.

I think I am going to buy you a subscription to Marie Claire, to help save your marriage.
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,411
0
SF
shocktower said:
Yesterday my wife gave me an ultimadum (sp?),she said if i did not quit wearing my work clothes she is going to leave me ,she told me since she takes such goiod care or her self and she thinks she looks good that I should too .but heres the thing I think she does not look good yeah she has the expensive clothes good hair and nails ,but she needs to lose about 50-60 # in my eyes a fat girl with nice clothes does nothing for me .Now I have never told her she was a fat pig I think thats too much but she tells me I`am like white trash ,and I`am unattractive to her now ( I wear my super comfy Carhart over alls alot they are clean and with out holes ,I have been working my ass off and I don`t feel like changing ) like yesterday we went to the marriage counseler (sp?) and he told her that there is no problem with me wearing Carhart overalls ,and to not be so judgemental .I feel like really telling Her how I feel that your fat ass does nothing for me it even kinda disgusts me ,( she weight about 117 when we got married 15 years ago now she`s pushing 165-170 ) she tells me by buying nice plus size clothes she is making her self attractive to me :eek: :eek: ,and with Her walking she,going to the salons ,she is taking good care of her self .`Am I carzy or is she .I don`t like being called Ugly ,no body does really .OK enough girls let it fly
I don't know how serious your post, but if you two are so unhappy with each other appearance, maybe you should both talk about it and work it out together, or see if this is an indiciator of a more serious problem.
 

amydalayna

Turbo Monkey
Aug 16, 2005
1,507
0
south lake tahoe, ca
sanjuro said:
I didn't want to say anything, but Mr. Amydalayna has confined in me how messy you dress. Maybe this is not the place to talk about your appearance, but you really need to start dressing more lady like, less overalls and workshirts, and more fashionable slacks and floral prints.

I think I am going to buy you a subscription to Marie Claire, to help save your marriage.
The word slacks makes me giggle. and blouse.
I think my marriage would be in trouble if I wore slacks and blouses. especially ones with a floral print.

but you think more guys would be busting down my door if I ditched the hoodies and flip-flops?
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,411
0
SF
amydalayna said:
The word slacks makes me giggle. and blouse.
I think my marriage would be in trouble if I wore slacks and blouses. especially ones with a floral print.

but you think more guys would be busting down my door if I ditched the hoodies and flip-flops?
I think Mr. Amydalayna would enjoy seeing you pantsuits with matching belts, possibly with a big floppy sunhat. Or
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,965
35
I dress like a 12 year old but my wife doesn't care.

She knows I have no style.


That's not what should matter if the relationship is worth a damn. If your wife liked you enough to marry you in the first place, and you were wearing overalls back then, she should shut up and appreciate that you are what you are.


If you fell in love with a 115 lb woman that gained 60 lbs I'd imagine that might put a damper on things. Next time she tells you she doesn't like the work clothes tell her you don't like the extra amount of her that wasn't there when you decided to marry her.

It will:

a) shut her up and make her look at and judge herself more carefully

or

b) strain the relationship to the breaking point


Both things can be good.