[shocktower]

You guy`s know my story about the loss of my 8 year old Alexa well since then I can`t sleep ,I went to the Dr yesterday and he gave me some pills well they Ayn`t working ,it` sucks , I have to get up at 6 to get my other 3 kid`s ready for school :angry: :angry: :angry: ,it`s crazy I went to this shrink yesterday and he tells me to set aside time to cry for the loss of my Alexa now I`am thinking what the hell are you smoking dude cause it`s not like pilattes or some arobics class ,my Daughter was killed ,and I cry when I need to it what a stupid asshat .So `am I taking this wrong is it possible for a real person to set time aside for greiving ,I think it `s just not as simple like that .Oh yeah here`s a picture

 

[binary visions]

 

[DVNT]

It's hard and difficult thing to go through. I've been through a similar situation fairly recently and while every situation is different, I share some of the pain and experiences you are going through.
Shrinks aren't always the best people to go to but not all "shrinks" are a like. Try seeing another counselor, until you feel comfortable with the person and trust that person.
I'm sure the psych didn't mean take time off in the way you phrased it. Take some more time off work. Plan a little vacation. Don't try to rush back to your normal routine too fast. When you are ready you will know, just weather the storm and take things one moment at a time.

 

[douglas]

sorry dude

and I agree its not that simple but talking/sharing your feelings does help

plus you still have a family and you need to be there for them and love them......not even close to being 'simple'

..........my brother died when I was 15, I still can remember how sad my mom was after that. I didnt know what to do when I would here her cry in the middle of the night. My mom died in a car accident the next year.

I dont really have any good advice, well xcept making sure the people you do love/care about know that you do.

 

[splat]

That is something that is just so horrible I can't/don't want to even imagine it. And I can see why it would mess up your sleep.

 

[DHS]

sorry to hear, i've always felt better about stuff if i just post my feelings on here and get ripped on for it. but mostly the people here are very supportive
cheers!
Steve

 

[MMike]

It's terrible what you've gone through...

I'm sure your shrink knows what he's doing, but have you tried Trazadone? it's an anti-depressant/sleep aid. Do a google search on it. I know people who have taken it, and it knocks you out good.

 

[Skookum]

I`am thinking what the hell are you smoking dude cause it`s not like pilattes or some arobics class ,my Daughter was killed ,and I cry when I need to it what a stupid asshat

Actually it is like exercise moreso than one might think. And just like exercise some people can run more or get in shape faster than some people. Everyone does things in different speeds. You may lose weight but you can't keep it off with a pill, the same thing can be said for greiving too. It takes time.
Also not being able to sleep is due to stress, and loss is a great stress. Everything in life is stress, so you're over the limit. Sometimes it takes a little creativity to find things to reduce or relieve stress, i've never thought pills were a solution.
Just to let you know i have never had kids so i've never lost a child, but i'm an orphan, and i know both of my grandparents almost never stopped feeling the sting of losing a kid. But you gotta try everything to move forward because you still got a family that depends on you.

 

[McGRP01]

That is something that is just so horrible I can't/don't want to even imagine it. And I can see why it would mess up your sleep.

Truth.

 

[MrPrime]

What ever you do, dont crawl into a bottle. You have a family and need to support them.

Take some time off if you can. Nothing can help you more than time to clear your head.

Sorry to hear about your loss, No one should have to bury their childeren.

 

[Echo]

What a beautiful little girl...

I'm sure there are no easy answers to the things you are going through, but these docs and psychiatrists are just trying to help... if what they suggest doesn't work, well move on to something else, but they are trying to help...

 

[DVNT]

It's terrible what you've gone through...

I'm sure your shrink knows what he's doing, but have you tried Trazadone? it's an anti-depressant/sleep aid. Do a google search on it. I know people who have taken it, and it knocks you out good.

Trazadone is the generic name for Desryl. I have taken both. They do work well and don't leave you feeling groggy. DON'T take Ambien, they keep me awake and make me hallucenate and do stupid things I don't remember but my friends remind me off when they are pissed off at me.

 

[iresmoke1]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Just do your best to get through each day. One at a time.
Try to be the best example for your other kids.
Even if you don't feel like you are... you are.

 

[bigginsis]

I am currently going through an out-patient detox program for addiction to RX tranquilizers - I found a doc who handed out Klonopin like candy - and Xanax and Valium - and I took advantage of it. Stay away from anything in the benzodiazapine class - they are highly addictive and it comes on fast - as little as 1 mg a day for a month can cause terrible withdrawal (trust me on this one).

the psychiatrist overseeing my course gave me trazadone to help me sleep. it is non-addictive and has anti-depressant qualities. it helps me sleep - just 25 mg - and there is also an anti-depressant called remeron that works wonders for sleep, but it might make you eat.

i guess stay away from anything addictive, do what feels natural for you (if scheduled crying time isn't good with you, don't do it) and do try to get outside into the sun to play and move - it is amazing how a little physical activity can help.

grief is complicated - you're moving through a process - don't push it - don't rush it - you have suffered a major trauma. find a doc you like if you want to have some outside help - you don't seem to like this one - but there are docs and therapists who specialize in parental grief who can help you.

my thoughts are with you - and have you tried benadryl to help you sleep?

 

[fuzzynutz]

The doc probably assumed that since you weren't getting any sleep, it was b/c of thinking of ur daughter while lying in bed. You're mind wanders so much at night time, that it's very easy to become rapped up in thought and never sleep, especially with tradegy's on your mind. So he was suggesting to take some time during the day to reflect so at night time your mind can rest. Drugging yourself with bulls**t prescriptions is not the answer either. Those will do more harm to your body than anything else you do. Stay away from prescriptions. I would suggest eating healthier meals and possibly taking naps during the day.

 

[DHS]

I am currently going through an out-patient detox program for addiction to RX tranquilizers - I found a doc who handed out Klonopin like candy - and Xanax and Valium - and I took advantage of it. Stay away from anything in the benzodiazapine class - they are highly addictive and it comes on fast - as little as 1 mg a day for a month can cause terrible withdrawal (trust me on this one).

the psychiatrist overseeing my course gave me trazadone to help me sleep. it is non-addictive and has anti-depressant qualities. it helps me sleep - just 25 mg - and there is also an anti-depressant called remeron that works wonders for sleep, but it might make you eat.

i guess stay away from anything addictive, do what feels natural for you (if scheduled crying time isn't good with you, don't do it) and do try to get outside into the sun to play and move - it is amazing how a little physical activity can help.

grief is complicated - you're moving through a process - don't push it - don't rush it - you have suffered a major trauma. find a doc you like if you want to have some outside help - you don't seem to like this one - but there are docs and therapists who specialize in parental grief who can help you.

my thoughts are with you - and have you tried benadryl to help you sleep?

wow, good luck with that too. you're still hot.

anyway....pm'd ya Shocktower!
i'm looking for shocktowers address, so i can send him a Ridemonkey hat.

think happy thoughts, or maybe wear happy things?
i'm trying.
Steve

 

[Kiltim]

have you tried Melatonin? its an OTC natural sleep aid which has worked WONDERS for myself and a few of my buds. I became extremely depressed about 5 months after getting on Okinawa. No family or loved-ones around, especially during holidays, made things very hard for me personally. Couldn't sleep almost at all because of it. So the doc told me to try Melatonin...and sleep I did.
Although a buddy of mine did say that it made him have very vivid/realistic dreams. So i guess thats a possible side effect.

 

[mantispf2000]

Hey, Shock, forgive my bluntness, but if you can't sleep, give me a call!!!! You know I offered to listen whenever you needed me to, so maybe a little chat might help your sleep. I'm on vacation through the 10th, so you're more than welcome to "wake me up". And don't worry about it, ok? For the monkeys that don't know, I lost my 4-year-old daughter (in fact, Friday, Feb. 4th was her 2-year Heaven date), so I know what Shock is going through. For the record, I tried four counselors, the preacher, and Paxil. What worked? Riding my bike and talking to Alaina any chance I got. I also hold her pillow when I sleep, and though it's been washed several times, I think I can still smell her hair. I know we've pm'd, Shock, and I hope posting here doesn't upset you. I also know that the support group, Compassionate Friends (shameless plug) has helped, especially since my wife and I took over leadership last year. I know you said you were going to a support group, and I wonder how that went. Like several have already said, you just have to keep searching for what works. There's a phrase I used to use, however, out of respect I won't since it's prone to be taken the wrong way, which is not my intent. I'll let you know in private so you can rip my head off when you read it. Keep in touch, Shock, 'cuz you're one of the few guys I've been able to talk to about this situation we're in.

 

[punkassean]

I don't know what to say man. My brother died over 4 years ago and my mom still ain't even close to right. I think losing a child has got to be the hardest thing to deal with. It was really hard for me to lose a sibling (my only sibling ) but I see the pain my parents have suffered and I can tell it has been even harder on them, especially my mom.

I'm so sorry man

 

[LordOpie]

holy fvck, losing an 8 yo daughter? That's pretty much gotta be the worst fvcking thing in the world.

My brother died at 23 yo and totally fvcked my parents up... me too. When my dad died, I shut down, became emotionally distant. This was one of the factors that lead to my divorce. Shut down even more when my then-wife miscarried our only child. Death sux so much

Bro, seriously, I can't imagine how much pain you and your wife are in, but please please please, get professional help cuz this sh:t is just too messed up to handle on your own.

I did a search and you said your wife and another child were injured, I hope they're healing.

Don't shut down, do cry, do communicate with your wife, do love each other and your kids.

be as well as you can be man.

 

[stevew]

Hmmmm...I don't what to say.

 

[ummbikes]

Oh boy, I will not even pretend to understand how you are feeling emotionaly, I was unaware of your loss and offer my sincerest condolances.

I can offer some advice on insomnia. I battled insomnia for about two years following an injury I suffered and I tried the full meal deal of anti-depressants and sleeping pills without much success. For a while I'm afraid you will have a tough fight on your hands. What finally started me to sleeping well again was time, eliminating all caffine and sugar from my diet and working out in the evening. I was student at the time and had access to cheap/free mental health care and I worked with a head shrinker on deveolping a "ritual" that lead to my sleeping time. What I did worked for me, but was designed for me, so it may not work for you. Here is what I did.

1. About 8:00 p.m. I would stop watching television and listen to some music that I found relaxing. It was the local Jazz radio station for me, but heck it could be Pantera for someone else, it doesn't really matter as long it you find it soothing.

2. If I was feeling stress, or simply spending a lot of time thinking about my knee, or money, or providing for my family I would journal, which was very difficult at first because I hated writing at the time. What it would do though is allow to express my issues in a form that allowed me to evaluate them from a slightly detached perspective.

3. I found I slept better when my bed was made fresh, if had just showered, and I was physically tired, I was limited in what I could do as far as exercise but sit ups or even streching/Rehabing/ PT on my knee would start to make me tired.

4. If I tried these three things and still couldn't sleep I would get out of bed and sit quietly and read a novel or listen to more mellow Jazz music and try an hour or so latter. Staying in my bed tossing and turning was eliminated because I just get up and try and reset. If all else failed I would try a sleeping pill as a last resort, sometimes they would act like speed and keep me up all nite which was pretty lame.

Seek more information, if the advice your doctor is giving isn't working communicate that to him/her and try something new.

Armondo

 

[mack]

I have trouble sleeping as well, is Melatonin a prescription drug?

 

[TimeBomb]

Having children myself, I can not imagine the grief you must be experiencing. MY very deepest condolences to you & your family.

 

[dhtahoe]

Man every time I hear your story it makes ME want to cry. I know you're hurting deeply right now, but do you think she would want you to carry on with the rest of you life feeling this way. Don't let this ruin the rest of your life, and the people who are still living. You still have a wife and a son right? AND STAY AWAY FROM SHRINKS!!!! They do more harm than good. It seems that every PhD I've met became one because they had a f'ed up childhood or something. Now they think THEY can fix people because they got a PhD. I hear the same thing over and over. They just sit and listen for an hour write a scrip and bamo your cured. You need NATURAL sleep so go to a good health food store. There are many NATURAL substances that work waaaaaaaaay better than any RX drugs IMO.

 

[dhtahoe]

I have trouble sleeping as well, is Melatonin a prescription drug?

No but that's the one that works for me the best. You can get it at a healh food store. It restores you bodys normal Saratonin(sp?) level... it rocks.