[shocktower]

She said in a nut shell I have a snowman chance in Hell ,and that she wanted to be independent and career orinetated (sp?) ,she has seen a therapist a Kaiser and this person blew a lot of hot air up her cooch and she bought it ,but she said if I changed the way I have been she would start seeing me again and we could get married again ,I don`t know about you but once the divorce is final thats it your done in my book ,I will do every thing I can to take care of my kid`s ,I just don`t understand that dam threapist has done some major damage in our lives and prolly think they are a do gooder :nuts: :nuts: :nuts: :nuts: ,BTW all of my problems are to illness and injury with a throw in of meds gone bad ,but she don`t care ,so I`am going fricking riding tomorrow

 

[biggins]

go riding, take care of your kids and call it good homey. it sounds to me like she is casting all the blame on you and it is working. i am sure she has faults as well. but, that is just speculation. tomorrow go for a ride and start a thread telling us about how awesome it was.

 

[Brian HCM#1]

I really do feel very bad about what has been going on with your life, and I know the loss of your daughter is far bigger than anything I've ever experianced and wish to experiance. But maybe the things your wife is experiancing is real and your in denial about it, and think it's everyone elses fault. Maybe you need to step back and really look into the mirror. I'm not trying to be a dick, because I would love to see you & your wife get this resolved and stay together. For some reason there must be more involved. Do any of you suffer from depression, especially after your huge loss? If so taking any meds like Prozac, Zoloft etc?

 

[ioscope]

Yarrrggh!!!

Ever heard that song "Bein' a dad" by LOUDON WAINWRIGHT?
or lodon waynrite???

nevermind

Way to be an azz Brian :nuts:

 

[chicodude]

I really do feel very bad about what has been going on with your life, and I know the loss of your daughter is far bigger than anything I've ever experianced and wish to experiance. But maybe the things your wife is experiancing is real and your in denial about it, and think it's everyone elses fault. Maybe you need to step back and really look into the mirror. I'm not trying to be a dick, because I would love to see you & your wife get this resolved and stay together. For some reason there must be more involved. Do any of you suffer from depression, especially after your huge loss? If so taking any meds like Prozac, Zoloft etc?

I couldn't of put it any better myself

 

[Brian HCM#1]

Way to be an azz Brian :nuts:

I don't mean to be, I feel just awful seeing someone hurt this bad and I would hate to ever go through something like this. Marriage is difficult to begin with, add kids into the mix and it gets that much harder. It's a total team effort, bottom line. Like my grandmother always says, there are 3 sides to every story, his side, her side and the truth. (I think I mentioned this in another post). Anyways it is very true.

 

[shocktower]

I really do feel very bad about what has been going on with your life, and I know the loss of your daughter is far bigger than anything I've ever experianced and wish to experiance. But maybe the things your wife is experiancing is real and your in denial about it, and think it's everyone elses fault. Maybe you need to step back and really look into the mirror. I'm not trying to be a dick, because I would love to see you & your wife get this resolved and stay together. For some reason there must be more involved. Do any of you suffer from depression, especially after your huge loss? If so taking any meds like Prozac, Zoloft etc?

Well Brian there is you see when you have a brain injury you have anger management problems ,and with the proper care and threapy with both wife and husband involved you get a better result ,my wife was never involved in my recovery from the brain injury I sustained in 92 ,and now with the lose of my daughter and nearly the lose of my wife and other daughter I have beeen under some stress that I have had a tough time with ,and what really screws it up is 2 weeks before Aleaxa was killed and Madison and my wife where nearly killed I saw my Doc in socal to do all the arrangments so I could start seeing a Dr up here and when you see a rehab Doc you can`t just walk in it`s not like urgent care ,and then after I saw him I went to see a shrink to deal with my anger before my wife filed ,with life you have a lot of bumps in the road and they may send you off course but you try and keep your destination .I feel my wife is under alot of post traumatic stress and not thinking with good judgement and bad therapy . I do wish her the best cause I do still love Her and one day we may get back together again ,but the divorce means to me you are quiting and I must go on ,Oh yeah Brian I have steped back and I have told my wife I truely understan whats going on it`s just she is stubborn and once her mind is set she will not sway

 

[quadricolour]

Way to be an azz Brian :nuts:

He didn't come off as an ass at all. Sometimes it's really hard to get perspective in situations like these.

 

[golgiaparatus]

independent and career orinetated

How old are your kids? It is my understanding that peoplr with kids should be kid oriented, not career.

 

[Brian HCM#1]

Well Brian there is you see when you have a brain injury you have anger management problems ,and with the proper care and threapy with both wife and husband involved you get a better result ,my wife was never involved in my recovery from the brain injury I sustained in 92 ,and now with the lose of my daughter and nearly the lose of my wife and other daughter I have beeen under some stress that I have had a tough time with ,and what really screws it up is 2 weeks before Aleaxa was killed and Madison and my wife where nearly killed I saw my Doc in socal to do all the arrangments so I could start seeing a Dr up here and when you see a rehab Doc you can`t just walk in it`s not like urgent care ,and then after I saw him I went to see a shrink to deal with my anger before my wife filed ,with life you have a lot of bumps in the road and they may send you off course but you try and keep your destination .I feel my wife is under alot of post traumatic stress and not thinking with good judgement and bad therapy . I do wish her the best cause I do still love Her and one day we may get back together again ,but the divorce means to me you are quiting and I must go on ,Oh yeah Brian I have steped back and I have told my wife I truely understan whats going on it`s just she is stubborn and once her mind is set she will not sway

I didn't really know the extensiveness of your brain injury. So all I can do is guess on whats effecting your relationship. Therefore, be strong and try not to bring up any negitive things when you talk to her, especially when you are getting the kids from her. Just be nice and plesant. If you try to beg her to come back or bring up negitive things it will only push her farther away. It's kinda like to old Jedi mind trick, just be nice towards her and keep the conversations short, but not rude or rehash any issues you may have. Make her believe you're happy and not misirable because thats allowing her to stay in control of the situation. If she says nasty things to you just let them roll off you, if it is during a phone conversation, tell her you really don't want to argue and we'll talk after you calm down and it's just not worth the fight.

 

[jacksonpt]

If there are kids involved, fix it or end it. The on-again-off-again limbo they could be in will be far harder on them in the long run. And let's face it... when you become a parent, your needs become second priority.

To start with... quit trying to dish out blame - that's not the point and it's not going to help anyone.

Now... you can only ask someone to give up so much in life, and it sounds like your wife has reached that point. If she has a need/desire to be independent and career oriented, then I'd question why she got married/became a monther in the first place. But again... that's neither here nor there at this point. If she's saying you have a snowball's chance in hell, then it sounds like your ship has already sailed, and it's time to move on and make the best of what you can, especially for the sake of your kid(s).

I have no idea what kind of condition you are in (injury, illness, meds gone bad, etc), but my first thought is that if you're able to ride, it can't be all THAT bad. I have a friend who has virtually no circulation in his left leg (was a cop and go shot). He can't go swimming (the cold water is agonizing), he can't play basketball with his kids, he can't do much walking on vacations. He's on blood thinner meds that make him nausious (sp?), and occasionally pain killers (vicodin) where he has to nap every day. I have no idea how his family does it... his wife has taken on waaaay more than her share and his kids have given up a lot of what being a kid is all about. So what's my point? You "condition" may not be your fault... but that doesn't mean it doesn't have a significant impact on your family.

I'm not saying your wrong or that she's wrong. You both have a right to feel how you do, and no one should second guess that. At some point, the both of you need to sit down (together or separately) and think about your life, your sacrifices, your happiness, and your kids. And you need to look at things from all 3 perspectives - yours, hers, and your kids.

 

[N8 v2.0]

Shocktower threads =

 

[shocktower]

If there are kids involved, fix it or end it. The on-again-off-again limbo they could be in will be far harder on them in the long run. And let's face it... when you become a parent, your needs become second priority.

To start with... quit trying to dish out blame - that's not the point and it's not going to help anyone.

Now... you can only ask someone to give up so much in life, and it sounds like your wife has reached that point. If she has a need/desire to be independent and career oriented, then I'd question why she got married/became a monther in the first place. But again... that's neither here nor there at this point. If she's saying you have a snowball's chance in hell, then it sounds like your ship has already sailed, and it's time to move on and make the best of what you can, especially for the sake of your kid(s).

I have no idea what kind of condition you are in (injury, illness, meds gone bad, etc), but my first thought is that if you're able to ride, it can't be all THAT bad. I have a friend who has virtually no circulation in his left leg (was a cop and go shot). He can't go swimming (the cold water is agonizing), he can't play basketball with his kids, he can't do much walking on vacations. He's on blood thinner meds that make him nausious (sp?), and occasionally pain killers (vicodin) where he has to nap every day. I have no idea how his family does it... his wife has taken on waaaay more than her share and his kids have given up a lot of what being a kid is all about. So what's my point? You "condition" may not be your fault... but that doesn't mean it doesn't have a significant impact on your family.

I'm not saying your wrong or that she's wrong. You both have a right to feel how you do, and no one should second guess that. At some point, the both of you need to sit down (together or separately) and think about your life, your sacrifices, your happiness, and your kids. And you need to look at things from all 3 perspectives - yours, hers, and your kids.

The thing about on again and off I`am not for that ,and since you have no idea how bad a care provider is you have just an oppionion ,and as far as the sit down I have tried a ka billion times and she said no ,I knew I needed help ,and I started before she filed the thing with my wife is she is very stubborn and no matter what the desision (sp?) is right or wrong she going to stick to her guns ........... thats her nature ,one of the thing that bothers me is she want`s to have a full blow career and raise the kid`s she told me she`s going to have her mom live with her and take care of the kid`s well I love my mother inlaw but I do`nt agree with all of her beliefs and how the up bringing of my kid`s should be done ,like there should never be any gun`s in the family ,Oh well my wonderful life will go on ,and the flip side my wife said she would be friends with me and maybe we could get married again ,if I have been able to deal with my issues ,I will but once you sign those papers I`am going to a new team

 

[riderx]

Have you gotten a lawyer yet?!!!

 

[SkaredShtles]

How old are your kids? It is my understanding that peoplr with kids should be kid oriented, not career.

This is absolutely true. My career is going to be on hold for the next 15 years, when my kids are sure to become intolerable a$$holes.

-S.S.-

 

[dh girlie]

Man this whole thing is just sad. I've heard that a lot of marriages of people who have lost a child end in divorce. Sorry to hear all this bad stuff is happening...it's so tragic. No one wins.

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>one of the thing that bothers me is she want`s to have a full blow career and raise the kid`s

This is sad. She can't have both. She just can't.

The only way for a woman to have a career *and* raise her children is to have her husband stay home full time. Even then, it'd be debatable whether or not *she's* raising the kids.

-S.S.-

 

[dh girlie]

This is absolutely true. My career is going to be on hold for the next 15 years, when my kids are sure to become intolerable a$$holes.

-S.S.-

Well if you put them on skis and they turn out anything like you......

 

[SkaredShtles]

Well if you put them on skis and they turn out anything like you......

That's why I'm pretty sure it'll happen.............

Of course, since I ski, they'll very likely be intolerable snowboard a$$holes. <sigh>

Naw - 15 years from now snowboarding will probably be considered horribly passé and dorky.

Hold on........ I think it might be there already.

-S.S.-

 

[shocktower]

How old are your kids? It is my understanding that peoplr with kids should be kid oriented, not career.

Well that`s how we used to be and now she has desided to change things ,what`s really crazy is I would fully suport her endever cause I work at home ,I really want the most for my wife and kid`s I just don`t want to be left sitting here stupid .What really suck`s is I live 20 miles from the city and I get lonely out here and since she has taken all of my activities away ( I like to hunt and fish ,and target shoot my gun`s ,I always take my kid`s hunting and fishing with me cause it`s not about me it`s just the time we spend together),Hell I don`t care if I even take and animal it`s just the time we spend out in the wood`s ,or on the river banks ,do you guy`s know how much time I really get to fish not very much cause my 6 year old twin boy`s like to tangle their lines catch trees and shrubs so I spend most of the time unraveling their mess ,and I like it cause where just out having fun and I teach them it`s not about catching some thing it`s just about fun ...........

 

[LOOnatic]

Quit typing,lube your chain, go ride bike.
Temporary but you really need it man.
I'd take ya myself but i'm across the country.
Didn't you buy some new brakes not long ago?