[RhinofromWA]

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped, and
fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

(Rhino: OK I chuckled at this one because I can see my father, a dirty old man, doing this without hesitation) lol

 

[McGRP01]

They call swimming pools "ponds" in Florida?

 

[Arm On Fire]

That's what the gators think of 'em!

 

[WhItTy]

That is a very good one!

 

[reflux]

Another joke , an oldie:


King Arthur and the Witch


Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as
long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a
year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no
answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would
perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed
an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted
the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess,
the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would
have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the
kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk
to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to
agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the
Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only
one tooth, smelled like sewerage, made obscene noises, etc. He had
never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life
and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's
question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her
own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited
him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she
appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed
self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to
show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an
old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day,
but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate
moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll
down below. OKAY?





Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his
question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the
time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her
own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?




The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly.

 

[BuddhaRoadkill]

Every time I hear the word wisdom, the following runs through my head:

A grandfather bull and his grandson were grazing their way up a hill. When they reached the top, they noticed a small herd of cows at the bottom of the other side. The eager grandson pipes up excitedly "Grandfather, let's run down there and F one of them cows!!!" The grandfather, with a wise and devious grin, responds "No grandson, why don't we walk down there and F them all." neaky: