[N8 v2.0]

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call.

Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner.

There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things. The candidate who catches the most fish at the end of the week wins.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.

At the end of the first day, George W. returns to the headquarters and he has 10 fish. Soon, Kerry, who has answers to everything, but no plan, returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having another bad hair day or something and hopefully , he will catch up the next day.


At the end of the 2nd day George W. comes in with 20 fish and Kerry comes in again with none.

That evening, Bill Clinton gets together secretly with Kerry and says, "I think George W. is a lowlife cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.

The next night (after George W. comes back with 50 fish), Clinton says to Kerry, "Well, what about it, is George W. cheatin'?"

"He sure is, Bill, he's cutting holes in the ice."

 

[Slugman]

Originally posted by N8
"He sure is, Bill, he's cutting holes in the ice."

Yeah.. with his enviromental policy of letting the oil company run the country.

 

[LordOpie]

A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop on Mott Street. While looking at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he simply had to have it.

He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?"

"You have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat, $100 for the story," said the wise old shopkeeper.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street.

This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot west on Canal Street towards the Hudson River.

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the millions, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Hudson and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the river.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the river after the bronze rat, and were carried away by the current and they all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.

"Ahhh," said the owner, "You have come back for story?"

"No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican."